Giant blue chunks of paint are floating up from the bottom of The Reflecting Pool.

TWO BIG ANNOUNCEMENTS FROM THE GARDEN — AND ALSO, OUR ALLIES ARE COWARDS!!!
First, the WATERMELON has arrived. One beautiful, perfect, extraordinary watermelon sproutling. People are already calling me saying "Sir, I have never seen a watermelon emerge like that." I have to agree. The best watermelon anyone has ever seen. More to come — I feel it in my bones.
Second, and this is very important — I have been informed by most of my Gardening "Allies," the neighbours I very generously offered to share my large and beautiful unused section with — this, despite the fact that they all strongly agreed it was a great section, tremendous soil, the best soil — that they don't want to get involved. Not one of them. I offered them free access to premium American garden real estate, and they said NO. Very foolish mistake.
I am not surprised, however, because I always considered these neighbours to be a one way street — I share my hosepipe, I share my compost, I let them borrow the hoe — but when I need them to plant something, they do NOTHING. COWARDS, and we will REMEMBER!
Now that the section is militarily won — cleared, weeded, and ready for planting, with very little effort required from them — they want to talk about how nice the soil looks but won't lift a finger. They complain the section is unused, but don't want to help fill it. So easy for them to do, with so little risk!
Because of the fact that we have had such incredible gardening success, we no longer "need," or desire, the neighbours' assistance — WE NEVER DID! In fact, speaking as Gardener of the United States of America, by far the Most Powerful Garden Anywhere in the World — WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE!
Therefore, I have made the decision — a BIG and BEAUTIFUL decision — to plant CORN. American corn. The most powerful corn ever grown. Tall, strong, magnificent. The corn will guard and police that section on its own, as necessary. Without allies. Without NATO. Without the neighbours. The corn needs nobody.
Thank you for your attention to this matter. 🌽🍉🌿🇺🇸
CMR

Honestly if you are reading my garden warfare posts on FB you will be missing out on some quality entertainment for the summer until I go insane-r

5 of the local MAGA morons lost primaries in state house seats but that was more because they totally fucked the state budget last year and the people are displeased.

The garden negotiations are proceeding in an orderly and constructive manner, and I have informed my representatives — the hoe, the mulch, and the sprinkler system — not to rush into a deal, in that time is on our side. The Blockade of the raised beds will remain in full force and effect until an agreement with the Dandelion Republic is reached, certified, and signed. Both sides must take their time and get it right. There can be no mistakes!
The Dandelion Republic must understand, however, that they cannot develop or procure new seeds, or spread further into the tomato row. That is a red line. Non-negotiable. I don't make bad deals, and I will not start now, not with weeds, not with anyone.
If I make a deal with the Dandelion Republic, it will be a good and proper one — not like the one made by the previous gardener, which gave the weeds massive amounts of WATER and NUTRIENTS, and a clear and open path to the strawberry beds. One of the worst deals ever made in the history of gardening, perhaps ever. Our deal is the exact opposite. But nobody has seen it, or knows what it is. It isn't even fully negotiated yet. So don't listen to the losers, who are critical about something they know nothing about. Unlike those before me who should have solved this weed problem many years ago, I don't make bad deals!
The Dandelion negotiators are very different and "strange." They are begging us to make a deal — which they should be doing, since they have been militarily obliterated by the hoe, with zero chance of a comeback — and yet they publicly state that they are only "looking at our proposal." WRONG!!! They better get serious soon, before it is too late, because once that happens, there is NO TURNING BACK, and it won't be pretty!
The United States Garden has blown the Dandelion Republic off of the raised bed, and yet certain weak and pathetic garden commentators say I haven't met my own objectives. Yes I have, and weeks ahead of schedule! Their root systems are gone. Their seed dispersal capability is dead. They have absolutely no defense. And they want to make a deal. I don't! We are weeks ahead of schedule. Just like their incompetent coverage of my tomatoes, the Failing Garden Gazette always gets it wrong!
The Crabgrass, which has been militarily and totally decimated, has apologized and surrendered to its neighboring beds. It is the first time in the long and storied history of this garden that the grass has ever truly lost. They said "Thank you, President Trump." I said "You're welcome!"
Meanwhile, the strawberries, raspberries, peas, kale, tomatoes and herbs — and our beloved rescued Butternut Squash, some of the bravest sproutlings anyone has ever seen — continue to thrive at levels never witnessed before in any garden. The sunflowers are now tall, powerful, and magnificent. The sprinkler system is operating at a level that experts are calling "the most beautiful water pressure in modern horticultural history." We are loading up with compost of all kinds.
Remember when I gave the Dandelion Republic 24 hours to make a deal or open up the Strait of Tomatoes? Time was running out. 48 hours before all hell would reign down on them. Glory be to God! And now look — the deal is largely negotiated. Only I could have done this. NATO garden alliances did absolutely nothing to help. Never forget that.
So don't listen to the losers and haters — some real NUT JOBS out there, very low IQ — who are critical of a deal they know NOTHING about. I don't make bad deals. NEVER HAVE. The garden is thriving. The weeds are almost gone. And if they're not — the hoe is locked, loaded, and ready to go on a moment's notice. THANK YOU CMR! 🌿🍓🌻🇺🇸

I knew the punchline as soon as I read "Tore of beautiful landscaping".

I don't like that they had the audacity to force an update onto my SSD taking up valuable space. I need every gig I can scrape together to install some of the higher end games.

So I used Google Chrome for one thing, coming here.

Chrome has decided I need AI.
Chrome can go fuck itself.

They definitely could have skipped the Sheline/Dogknott scene.

Also, Sage should have been put in jail.

So I spent an hour tripping hard on mushrooms and working in my garden, full story on FB w/pictures just in case people thought I was just posting insane tweets and not actually trying to grow things.

Fucking algorithms man, I linger for 2 fucking seconds on a video from a conservative creator and suddenly my feed is "try this anti-trans meme" or something about fondling Trump's balls.

Zuck should be in jail for that kind of shit.

Season 5 of The Boys just wrapped up, a lot of people complained but fuck it, I enjoyed 95% of it.

The best part? Elon being big mad and not understanding why Homelander went out like a little bitch, begging for his life and offering to suck cock and eat shit.
That's for you fucker, take away your money and you ain't shit. You'd be on your hands and knees in seconds begging for anything not to be in that position, as position most of us are in every day. I hope I live long enough to see some reckonings for some of these assholes but I will not.

I am going to use this when I say goodbye to people.