175 comments posted · 4 followers · following 58

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Gingrich Claims Nothin... · 1 reply · +5 points

"Gingrich did not deny that the meeting took place, but said there was no deal that would spur his potential withdrawal."

So, basically, he's wedged himself up Mitt's pooper for the foreseeable future.

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Tennessee Lege Can't W... · 0 replies · +2 points

You are so right!
5 cups of coffee + agitation + trying to comment using an iPad = Fail.
The defense calls coolhandnuke. Mr. Nuke, please tell the court what you said yesterday.
Nuke: "Sometimes you just gotta go a bit crazy to regain your sanity."
Serially, I apologize.
Take heart. The electricity's gonna be shut off the day after tomorrow. Every cloud, et.cetera. Sure, it will suck for me, but you, happily, will be spared any more insane rambling sans paragraph breaks.
La barbe d'un homme est sur le feu et un autre homme warms ses mains cela.
C'est la vie, bébé.

12 years ago @ Wonkette - FLOTUS Dangerously Sug... · 0 replies · +8 points

Anyone else find it ironic that she's planting a *cherry* tree while invoking the image of a female POTUS?
So many layers.
Uppity layer: she ain't lyin.'
Virginal layer: The only woman who could be elected president in the current political climate or that of the foreseeable future-Mary, mother of God
It only hurts for a minute layer: maybe this country WILL get its female president cherry popped in the next century.

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Nice Mississippi Repub... · 0 replies · +8 points

Word? Harper's a prick but who made him King Prick? Did Cheney pass along the title while he's trying to adjust to the human heart? What gives this streak on the toilet tissue of humanity the authority to have another representative escorted out? And who are the fucknuts who actually took those marching orders?
I say after everyone has mailed their bag of skittles to Sanford, we bombard Harper's office with hoodies. The white pointy kind referenced above.

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Tennessee Lege Can't W... · 2 replies · +6 points

THIS is what happens when you mix Constitutionally protected personal freedoms the like of which the world has never seen with a vastly uneducated, intellectually incurious populace.
If all the world's nations were in high school, the US would be that really stupid, powerfully built star football player that nobody likes but they grudgingly admire for his size and abilities. And ballz. And the rest of the nations are the honor students (Germany, Japan), nerds (India, China), popular pretty kids (Norway, Sweden) et al, who give USA a wide, respectful berth and rejoice in every shoulder or head the USA takes to the solar plexus. Meanwhile, England is the little runty guy that attaches himself like a remora to USA's sac.
The bully has no friends, just quislings. Everyone else despises him. Then when graduation rolls around (eminent; see "world's fastest growing economies"-hint: we're not on the list) and the summer comes and goes, the big bully is just another has-been, whose kids will end up working for the kids he pushed around back in the days when he was, only in his own mind, soaring like an eagle.
I vote for the Massive National Return to Sanity and Restore Our Reputation Act, wherein a gargantuan hydraulic lift is secretly erected and placed under a corner of the Left Coast. Then on the day before the 2012 election, everyone who is NOT affiliated with the Tea Party, with any militia, hate group (this would naturally include Fox and the entire Murdoch enterprise), HMO or Bank board of directors, Clear Channel, and anyone who has EVER read Breitbart.com for any reason other than to laugh or induce vomiting will lash him or herself to the nearest tree at the sounding of a pre-determined signal. It will probably be the sound of reasoned debate, since this is provably a sound that none of the above can hear. When the hydraulic lift, equipped as it is with a mega-amped version of
Tesla's earthquake machine, is activated it will pick up and then proceed to shake holy fuck out of the entire country until every last Tennessee Eagle/Bircher/Tea Bagger/Evangelical "Christian"/NRA fanatic (I could go on, but at some point today I should probably get dressed) has been deposited in the Atlantic--temporary as their stay may be, 'cause don't more sharks hang out in the Atlantic than the Pacific? If I'm wrong about that the MROSAROR Act should be immediately amended to install the lift on the East Coast--where they can be all they CAN be. Floaters. Then chum.
But, ahem. It's not as if I've given it any thought.

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Tennessee Lege Can't W... · 0 replies · +3 points

The Punjab Tennessee Fist Act.

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Tennessee Lege Can't W... · 0 replies · +8 points

Where are all the mythological Democratic spines when you need them?

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Tennessee Lege Can't W... · 2 replies · +4 points

So, you were reading it as the length of Republican peen compared to the national average?
But I jest! Everyone knows 3/5 is a gross overestimate. Except in the case of Phyllis Schlafly, who has a monster cock. How old is that slithering Echidna, anyway? Hint to all unemployed Bellepheron types (cups hands around mouth, whispers real loud): "She's AGELESS but not IMMORTAL."
Where are the mythological Greek heroes when you need them?

12 years ago @ Wonkette - President Obama Now Yo... · 1 reply · +3 points

Dude. I totally see what you did there. What Barry did there. No wonder I felt feverish and, um, squishy.
That signature gets today's highest pness factor. Or is it largest? Hard to wrap my hand around it. The distinction.
I'll catch you guys later. I have to go take a cold shower and look at pictures of Haley Barbour.

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Human Monopoly Logo Mi... · 0 replies · +4 points

FINALLY. The 1% fights back! It's about time they stopped letting the poors walk all over them.
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