Steam Flash/Flare.H

Steam Flash/Flare.H


4,338 comments posted · 39 followers · following 11

7 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 0 replies · +2 points

It's nice but I really could do with more of that feeling of progress on a more regular basis.
" if you put in the work you’ll be rewarded"
Exactly. I'm NOT putting in the work/effort. I want to but.. it's a real struggle for me.

Thanks. Yeah it's hard.. really hard.
For now I'm managing so I probably won't talk about it more. If that changes though, then I might.
Hopefully it won't get worse to handle.

I think I need a better way to cope with stress. Procrastinating important things because they and/or I are stressful/stressed.. might briefly help.. but then I get more stressed because I spent too long procrastinating when I could have got multiple things done.. and it just gets harder and spirals out of control.
I need to just do things, even if they're stressful.. at least then they're done and I can actually have some stress reduction. That push to just do stuff regardless of how I feel though.. that is a very tough push for me to give myself. I don't even know how I manage to do it sometimes, but I want to be able to do it all the time.

I shouldn't stay this down/stressed/upset/despaired for much longer.
Right now I'm feeling a whole lot of that.. but I'll get back to feeling better soon.
It can't last forever.

Thanks for the encouragement. It helps.

7 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 0 replies · +1 points

Yeah, it's nice that it's not completely silent.
I too wonder what Bandy's up to. I hope he's alright though.

Sounds good. I certainly won't discourage from more posting.

10 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 2 replies · +2 points

That's fine. It happens.
I've been having to distract myself a lot to avoid thinking about things that aren't nice at all.
But.. it's so distracting that I'm having trouble getting anything done. So.. it's a hard balance to get right.

I've still been talking to them, yeah. It's not frequent, but it's better than nothing.

Things are... well they could be better.
I'm starting to feel stuck in my art learning progression again. I'm still practicing every day and recently I've been focused on a potential better way to draw muzzles so that they look more 3d.. so I could actually be progressing.. at least a little bit. But overall it's still starting to "feel" like I'm barely moving forward.

And my worry for a friend's health has recently increased by about 500%... so that's making everything more difficult. I won't spend long talking about it.. or it will just bring me down even more, but not only have they still got at least one symptom of the virus.. a really sore throat.. they've also just had a test at the doctor's and there's a possibility they could have a serious health issue that will affect them more as they get older. (Not related to the virus though)
Also they almost collapsed recently.. and they've been having aches and other sensations in/around their heart.
I think the most likely cause of that is the very large amount of stress they have because of all the work they're trying to do. (As well as all the stress caused by their health situation at the moment.) I've told them to stop overworking themselves, and they know.. they're trying to cut down on it. But it's hard for them because that work means so much to them. Some of it they've worked for years to reach certain positions.
They're making an effort to dial things back though, so that's good.

So yeah.. you can see why I've been.. very, very scared for their health recently. I care about them so much.. and I can't bear to hear them going through all this.

Despite all that, I've recently found a surprisingly effective way to stop my crippling worry for them from affecting me by really taking note of how pointless it is to worry like that. I accept that I might feel all that worry when I hear about it because that's natural.. but 10-20 minutes afterwards.. there's no need to keep feeling that worry.. it's not going to help them in any way. In fact knowing I'm going through that much worry will only make them feel worse. So.. that's been helping me to keep the worry at bay. It's either working.. or I'm just being really effective at deluding myself. Here's hoping it's the first one though.

In summary.. I'm have a darn hard time right now.. but I'm managing.. barely.
Just.. continuing to try and be as positive as possible.

14 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 2 replies · +1 points


Yeah I try to check in here every day. It's just one of the few bookmarks I've got at the top of the browser and I like to cycle through them when I first turn the laptop on, or close to when I turn it off.
Not that I ever have much to say.. but I check regardless. Sometimes there's a reply from someone, or I'll suddenly get the urge to post something.

14 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 4 replies · +1 points

*the void pokes back*

16 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 4 replies · +2 points

It's hard not to be upset with myself when I KNOW I could be practising and learning more often.
I'm trying though.. not to be too hard on myself. It's tough but.. I know that doing that won't really be helpful and just make my mood worse, so I'm doing my best to avoid it.

I managed to reach out and talk to one of those artists recently. It's not a whole lot of talking but.. it's just nice to have some kind of social interaction after a while of nothing. I'm going to see if I can keep up with messaging them anywhere between once a week to once a month at the least.

Ah yeah.. maybe being talkative isn't that bad here.

I still have yet to start any kind of structured help guide.. even just placing my focus on starting something like that is hard apparently. Although just "focus" for anything, not just art related stuff, has been really hard for me recently.
I can't seem to focus.

Hmm.. "something you can merely work out yourself" is sometimes hard to judge. But I get your point.

Thanks for being around for chat and responding. As you can see.. it's been hard for me again to respond more frequently. I don't know what's causing that problem but I don't like it.

20 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 6 replies · +2 points

Thanks, and.. maybe I've improved more than I think. I'm not sure. I.. ok so where I'm at right now in art.. I feel like I've got somewhat competent at making what I've made look good, but I don't feel as though I've made much progress actually knowing how to accurately draw the characters from an anatomical, technical standpoint. As a result I feel like the majority of the "quality" of the picture is just me being really good at copying aspects of my references (Using and copying certain bits of references is fine of course but if I want to be able to place and pose characters better I need to learn how to draw them.. probably by learning their anatomy and their 3d-form) and not really understanding the technical aspects of what I'm drawing.

So in a certain way, I think I've improved a good amount, but in a more technical, important way.. I don't think I've made as much improvement as I could have.

For some stuff I get into a routine and stick to it just fine, but not for everything. I might do it for a week, or a month.. then suddenly, even if I thought it was a routine by this point.. I just stop.
It's.. it's weird because I feel like I do try hard to achieve certain goals.. yet I've been failing to reach some of them for so many years.. I know I know.. positivity. It's kept me going this long.. and I need to hold onto it.

Still have yet to reach out again.. the last time I did I was really nervous but afterwards it felt not that bad. Now it's been a long time and the nervousness has come back. Plus I just have really been finding it hard to sit down and just type a message out to someone and send it. (Like how this message took me many days to finally just sit down and write it. Sorry about that.. a mental blockage just seemed to come up out of nowhere.)
Yeah.. at first messaging you felt awkward, then after I got over that I suddenly felt really comfortable just sharing multiple paragraphs of what I'm going through.. and now I've started to feel like I went too far the other way and got too talkative. I'm shy but once I get started talking I'm quite talkative.

Perhaps I could ask someone to help remind me of such things again. Didn't work the last time and just made me feel more guilty for not doing stuff after they'd reminded me, but I could give it another go.

Ah.. I've not heard that. Well.. I've never seriously looked into it before, I've only "wondered" about if I should look into it.
Back when I started drawing my initial thoughts were "I'm not sure an actual art course would fit for what I'm aiming for.. it's nothing quite so grand, and my main interest is just in drawing ponies so learning humans and getting super technical is going to make it longer before I can start drawing ponies and might feel overwhelming and discourage me from drawing."
Perhaps I was wrong to assume that's exactly what it'd be like, but I think that not taking a course like that immediately probably did prevent me from getting overwhelmed and feeling discouraged near the start. But now that I have been drawing for a while and feel lacking in technical aspects.. it may be what I need. Or at least.. some kind of more structured thing online. Just.. something that isn't "here's a bunch of links to stuff to learn and do" and having no clear direction.

Thank you for the support! I'm thankful for every bit I receive.

21 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 8 replies · +2 points


That's good, I'm glad you're taking it seriously.

Small goals. It.. does make it slightly easier, but often even the small stuff I find really tough to get done.
Lack of willpower is a big problem for me. I can't seem to get myself to do stuff I know I should do. I often struggle to get myself to do things I actually do want to do, like drawing or playing a game. It's not nice at all.
I know I can do things better though. For example, I was tired of sometimes going 1-3 weeks without drawing anything over the past handful of years.. so at the start of this year I set a goal to just draw once every day. It doesn't have to be a full sketch, even just working more on a drawing I've already started is good enough.
And.. I've actually managed it so far. I've done some worthwhile drawing once for every day of this year.
It's a small thing, and it's related to drawing so it's not helping me fix arguably more important problems, but it's something at least.

I know I shouldn't get too caught up worrying about my progression, but since I know right now that I could likely be progressing a considerable amount faster with just a few handfuls of more effort/focus.. I can't help but get a little annoyed at myself for not making that little bit more of a serious effort. I'm not going to try and push myself to get super intense about learning art and put 100% of my effort and attention on that.. even though I know that'd be the more efficient option. Because that'd be really hard to get into. But I could be doing at least a little more than what I'm doing now.. I just want to nudge myself to put a bit more energy into my artistic progression.

Talking to other artists of various experience definitely helps. I began to do that more late last year and have done it a bit this year too, but I struggle to talk to people. Over the past 2-3 months I've just suddenly had a much harder time speaking to anyone online and I'm not sure why I've started to have such a harder time with it recently.
I hate it. I'm trying to work up the energy to push past all of that stuff and just message a few of those artists.

I'm sure a better, more organised plan of learning (what to learn, for how long I should make it a priority before moving on to the next thing, where to go for this stuff) and a better schedule of when to draw and how long a session should last, would be a big help.
But.. I've tried to create that before and it never works because I either don't know how to structure it, or I have an idea of what I should practice/learn but am incapable of sticking to a schedule.
I keep wondering if I should take an actual proper art course, online, because that may have better success getting me into a schedule. I'm not sure.
At the very least I really, really want to push myself towards going through the Drawabox guide. If I could start that this week that'd be great, but going through that anytime before the year ends would be nice. The only issue is.. getting myself to stick with it until the end.

It really helps to talk about this, even if it's largely the same issues I've been talking about having for years.
Thank you, I really appreciate your message. <3

22 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 10 replies · +2 points

Ah, I didn't check in for a few days. Hi.
Yeah, it'd be nice if it was more active, but everyone's off doing life things and sometimes conversations between people can fade in time.
Unfortunate, but it happens and it's ok.

I too have been having a hard time the past handful of months with regards to talking/replying to friends so I can understand the late-ness.
That's good to hear you're doing alright. I do hope that despite the reduction in restrictions you are still going to be careful not to get/pass the sickness. At least for another few months. I'll not get into it too much but I really think we should all be put under heavy restrictions still for a while longer as I don't believe it has been long enough yet.
Obviously if you have to be out/work for a worthwhile reason then that's fair.
I just hope you and those you care about keep yourself and others safe from getting sick.

As for your question.. I'm doing not so good. Not just because of the sickness although that is a factor.
But because I've been struggling more and more to talk to others over the past few months. And because I've been having even more trouble focusing on getting stuff done. And my sleeping pattern is pretty bad. And the newest thing which is really starting to bring me down is how for the past 5-6 weeks my progress/experience with art has been weighed down with an annoying issue.

I was starting to feel more positive with how art learning was going, and I'd been suggested to work more on a specific aspect of it. So I began to look into that and just as I started to practice that art fundamental, it seemingly made me worse at drawing the way I'd previously been doing it. So.. for the past month and a half I've been trying my best to not despair and just keep drawing and thinking that soon I'll find my way back to being able to draw at the same quality as before, but with the added experience of that fundamental aspect of art making what I create even better.
I'm surprised I've managed to not fall into despair for 5+ weeks but.. I really didn't think it'd take this long to get back into my usual consistent drawing quality and it's really starting to affect my mood.

So yeah, that's my more detailed answer to "how are you?"
It feels nice to just get all of that out of my head.

36 weeks ago @ Twilightsparklerules - DEAL WITH IT! · 12 replies · +2 points

A few of us are still around.
I'd post here more but.. I don't really know what to post most of the time.

I'm doing ok. Not great, but not bad.
I've been keeping up with drawing often which is nice.

How are you doing Apex?