gdp's Comments

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Sun, 6 Feb 2022 05:40:51 +0000

I'm still doing not too bad. 3/4's of January I had PC issues preventing me from getting started talking to people more, which was annoying. I had decided to start at the beginning of the year but I couldn't. Since then stuff has happened which has taken my focus, and only the last few days I've finally started talking more. It's only just begun, but already it feels nice to be more social. Still my focus is a bit unguided at the moment though, as I'm trying to get a solid workflow set up for learning art at a faster pace, and figuring that out is tricky. I'd like to get some kind of schedule and then get myself to stick to it. That way, I can hopefully not worry so much about my uncertainty with how my art learning is progressing every single day, and then have more focus for other things. There's still multiple other things but I am trying very hard not to get consumed by all of them at once. Trying to take more breaks and have more relax time. I really need to take care of my mental state more, so keeping that in mind has helped me to not feel guilty about playing games or watching things when I could be doing more productive stuff. If I have a mental overload I won't be able to do any productive stuff, so I have to take more breaks. The Halo Reach issue is a particularly large thing that's been on my mind more and more lately, and since it's now time to put my plan into action, I'm getting more agitated every day I don't address that. But.. it's not a small task. It requires me to spend hours writing a lot of info down, and then overcoming a huge amount of awkwardness in order to get myself to message a lot of people asking them if they're interested. I am definitely not a person suited to building and maintaining a community.. yet that's what I feel like I have to do. Although if it's small, at least initially.. like just 20 people.. that might be something I can do. Anyway.. I could explain in full detail but it'd take a while so I'll stop here. I'm trying to be positive, and to be less shy, and to really get better at art, while not getting mentally exhausted. I already had a bit of a burnout a couple weeks ago due to that Halo thing.. since I was thinking about it and working on it every day for a few weeks.. it was too much and I need to be careful not to do that again. It's good to hear you're doing sort of ok. Better than not ok at all. Still, take care, I'm not sure what your exact troubles are but know that you can always come here to talk or just vent frustrations. I did kinda already share most of what I've been up to, but I have also played games. Because I've been trying to let myself do what I want to do without feeling guilty about not being productive, I finally managed to start replaying games that I've wanted to replay for years. I just never felt like the time was right.. but it could be many more years until it does and so I just did it regardless. Ori and the Blind Forest is still great. And now I'm ready for playing the second one that I got on sale a couple months ago. Also finally bought GRIP, the spiritual successor to the Rollcage series on PS1. Pretty fun so far. A little janky and not quite as feature-packed as Rollcage 2, but it's still good. And for the past week I've been playing more One Step From Eden than I expected I would. Tried out the demo and at first I didn't like it. I can't remember the last time I felt so immediately turned off from playing more of a game. But something in me told me to give it another try and after a few days I wanted more.. so I have the full game now and I've been playing it and.. I think I'm enjoying it. I think. It's a good game, definitely. And I keep wanting to play more. But I can't quite say for sure whether I'm "enjoying" it. Odd. Maybe I need to get more used to it, or maybe the deckbuilding part of it is still not something I'm able to bond with as a type of gameplay style. Normally I wouldn't go near deckbuilding games but unlike most, this one isn't turn-based, and that's all it took to get me to try it. I don't hate turn-based entirely.. just mostly. It depends on the game. I like Worms for example. One Step From Eden is almost the opposite of turn-based, the gameplay is actually pretty fast. If the game isn't your thing, I would still recommend listening to the OST. I haven't heard all the music yet, but some of the tracks are really good. What about you, what have you been up to?

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Sun, 26 Dec 2021 04:01:06 +0000

Merry Christmas/Happy Hearth's Warming! Yeah.. it's been a while. Nice to see this place isn't entirely without people visiting though. Forgetting and getting distracted are definitely some struggles I have a lot of. What helps me remember this place is having it as a bookmark and placed at the top of the browser. Unfortunately actually talking is a struggle too. Especially throughout 2021.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Sun, 26 Dec 2021 03:50:07 +0000

It's alright. 2021 shattered my ability to have regular conversation.. so I've been feeling sorry for not talking to people more often as well. I want to make sure that I do not let this happen again next year. I'll be trying hard to force myself to talk more. Because this struggle to communicate has been the worst. I haven't talked to the others in a while, except for Lunar (and not as often as I'd have liked). He seems to be doing alright. I'm doing... better than I felt when I wrote that previous post. Still it's tough going. Are you doing well? Thank you!

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Mon, 18 Oct 2021 13:19:08 +0000

Good to hear. Boring sounds not so bad as long as the alternative is worse, but it can be depressing after a while. Talking to others is really important.. even if it's just a little bit, regularly. I have an idea of how to do things in a way that reduces stress.. but what's harder than starting to do that, is maintaining it. Weeks ago I managed to get myself to do things differently, and it did feel better.. but it didn't last long. It took me maybe having some kind of stress overload that scared me into it, then when I began to feel better I struggled to keep it up. What's worse is that I know what I should do.. but I can't get myself to do it. There's no downsides, no good reason why I shouldn't. Same goes for art. But I guess shyness is also a factor there, to ask others questions, most of which I feel are silly to ask or annoying to keep asking over and over due to me not realising/understanding things sooner. You're being helpful, definitely. I'm just glad that I can talk to people who care... but.. I really need to do that more often.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Fri, 1 Oct 2021 21:38:39 +0000

Sorry for not responding to replies here for months or posting anything. I've continued to have a lot of difficulty talking to people. I don't know why exactly, it just began at the start of the year and hasn't really improved since. Over the last few months I've been getting more upset at my lack of artistic progress, and along with some other things I'd rather not get into, I think it's been making it hard to focus on doing other things like pushing myself to talk more. I'd like to.. I would. I also would like to share more art too.. but at the moment most of it doesn't feel worth sharing, not to mention that it's all just practice sketches, as I can't seem to progress past the sketch or clean line-art phase for any actual finished artwork that I want to make. Well.. I did manage to do this recently, which feels better than most of the practice sketches I've done in weeks, maybe months. So here, a practice Applejack. Click it for a bigger view, the reference used, and.. basically a bit of a ramble. Felt good to just get it out. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/nM0fiWN.png" style="width:55%;height:55%">

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Fri, 1 Oct 2021 15:04:47 +0000

Still trying to recover from the metaphorical hole I fell into at the start of the year. I can't seem to get myself back into talking to people more regularly. Also I'm feeling more stuck than I have done before with getting better at art. So that isn't helping my mental state. Art is worth it though.. I do feel better having that interest and wanting to pursue it. But when I have no idea how to move forward and make progress.. it isn't nice, especially when it lasts for months. I'm.. I'm trying not to worry or stress about things. I don't really know how well that is going though. So.. not great. I'm doing not great. Thanks for asking though, and checking in here. I do still visit fairly often, but as I said I'm having trouble talking to people. With this post I thought I'd take it as an opportunity to force myself to talk again, try and get back into it. How are you?

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Sun, 6 Jun 2021 04:04:08 +0000

Hi. I'm uh... I'm still around. Since the start of the year my struggles with keeping up communication and just getting stuff done in general seems to have got worse. I feel like I should be able to deal with this problem easier now than in the past.. but the opposite is happening. I don't really know what to do to fix this issue I'm having. I'm just hoping it doesn't continue for long.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Fri, 1 Jan 2021 02:26:13 +0000

Happy New Year! I hope it's a good one for us all. At least better than the last. I'm sure it's going to have it's own issues though, so stay strong. We'll make it through. <3

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Thu, 31 Dec 2020 04:48:16 +0000

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Fri, 25 Dec 2020 20:33:55 +0000

Happy Hearths Warming to you all! :)

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Fri, 4 Dec 2020 03:11:22 +0000

Nice that you managed to find a way around the issue. Still I hope that problem gets sorted out. I certainly hope the same doesn't start happening for me too.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Thu, 3 Dec 2020 14:21:54 +0000

Assuming this reply goes through.. no I don't appear to be having trouble posting here. Perhaps there's something going on with IntenseDebate? Hopefully it gets sorted out and the issues stop happening. I remember years ago having some kind of issue with accounts/posting here. Like.. I had another account at some point. Not sure if this is that alternate account or the original.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Sat, 10 Oct 2020 02:45:57 +0000

It's nice but I really could do with more of that feeling of progress on a more regular basis. " if you put in the work you’ll be rewarded" Exactly. I'm NOT putting in the work/effort. I want to but.. it's a real struggle for me. Thanks. Yeah it's hard.. really hard. For now I'm managing so I probably won't talk about it more. If that changes though, then I might. Hopefully it won't get worse to handle. I think I need a better way to cope with stress. Procrastinating important things because they and/or I are stressful/stressed.. might briefly help.. but then I get more stressed because I spent too long procrastinating when I could have got multiple things done.. and it just gets harder and spirals out of control. I need to just do things, even if they're stressful.. at least then they're done and I can actually have some stress reduction. That push to just do stuff regardless of how I feel though.. that is a very tough push for me to give myself. I don't even know how I manage to do it sometimes, but I want to be able to do it all the time. I shouldn't stay this down/stressed/upset/despaired for much longer. Right now I'm feeling a whole lot of that.. but I'll get back to feeling better soon. It can't last forever. Thanks for the encouragement. It helps.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Sat, 10 Oct 2020 02:23:48 +0000

Yeah, it's nice that it's not completely silent. I too wonder what Bandy's up to. I hope he's alright though. Sounds good. I certainly won't discourage from more posting.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Sat, 19 Sep 2020 14:00:00 +0000

That's fine. It happens. I've been having to distract myself a lot to avoid thinking about things that aren't nice at all. But.. it's so distracting that I'm having trouble getting anything done. So.. it's a hard balance to get right. I've still been talking to them, yeah. It's not frequent, but it's better than nothing. Things are... well they could be better. I'm starting to feel stuck in my art learning progression again. I'm still practicing every day and recently I've been focused on a potential better way to draw muzzles so that they look more 3d.. so I could actually be progressing.. at least a little bit. But overall it's still starting to "feel" like I'm barely moving forward. And my worry for a friend's health has recently increased by about 500%... so that's making everything more difficult. I won't spend long talking about it.. or it will just bring me down even more, but not only have they still got at least one symptom of the virus.. a really sore throat.. they've also just had a test at the doctor's and there's a possibility they could have a serious health issue that will affect them more as they get older. (Not related to the virus though) Also they almost collapsed recently.. and they've been having aches and other sensations in/around their heart. I think the most likely cause of that is the very large amount of stress they have because of all the work they're trying to do. (As well as all the stress caused by their health situation at the moment.) I've told them to stop overworking themselves, and they know.. they're trying to cut down on it. But it's hard for them because that work means so much to them. Some of it they've worked for years to reach certain positions. They're making an effort to dial things back though, so that's good. So yeah.. you can see why I've been.. very, very scared for their health recently. I care about them so much.. and I can't bear to hear them going through all this. Despite all that, I've recently found a surprisingly effective way to stop my crippling worry for them from affecting me by really taking note of how pointless it is to worry like that. I accept that I might feel all that worry when I hear about it because that's natural.. but 10-20 minutes afterwards.. there's no need to keep feeling that worry.. it's not going to help them in any way. In fact knowing I'm going through that much worry will only make them feel worse. So.. that's been helping me to keep the worry at bay. It's either working.. or I'm just being really effective at deluding myself. Here's hoping it's the first one though. In summary.. I'm have a darn hard time right now.. but I'm managing.. barely. Just.. continuing to try and be as positive as possible.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Thu, 20 Aug 2020 04:20:35 +0000

:D Yeah I try to check in here every day. It's just one of the few bookmarks I've got at the top of the browser and I like to cycle through them when I first turn the laptop on, or close to when I turn it off. Not that I ever have much to say.. but I check regardless. Sometimes there's a reply from someone, or I'll suddenly get the urge to post something.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Wed, 19 Aug 2020 13:41:21 +0000

*the void pokes back*

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Sun, 9 Aug 2020 04:32:26 +0000

It's hard not to be upset with myself when I KNOW I could be practising and learning more often. I'm trying though.. not to be too hard on myself. It's tough but.. I know that doing that won't really be helpful and just make my mood worse, so I'm doing my best to avoid it. I managed to reach out and talk to one of those artists recently. It's not a whole lot of talking but.. it's just nice to have some kind of social interaction after a while of nothing. I'm going to see if I can keep up with messaging them anywhere between once a week to once a month at the least. Ah yeah.. maybe being talkative isn't that bad here. I still have yet to start any kind of structured help guide.. even just placing my focus on starting something like that is hard apparently. Although just "focus" for anything, not just art related stuff, has been really hard for me recently. I can't seem to focus. Hmm.. "something you can merely work out yourself" is sometimes hard to judge. But I get your point. Thanks for being around for chat and responding. As you can see.. it's been hard for me again to respond more frequently. I don't know what's causing that problem but I don't like it.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 03:10:10 +0000

Thanks, and.. maybe I've improved more than I think. I'm not sure. I.. ok so where I'm at right now in art.. I feel like I've got somewhat competent at making what I've made look good, but I don't feel as though I've made much progress actually knowing how to accurately draw the characters from an anatomical, technical standpoint. As a result I feel like the majority of the "quality" of the picture is just me being really good at copying aspects of my references (Using and copying certain bits of references is fine of course but if I want to be able to place and pose characters better I need to learn how to draw them.. probably by learning their anatomy and their 3d-form) and not really understanding the technical aspects of what I'm drawing. So in a certain way, I think I've improved a good amount, but in a more technical, important way.. I don't think I've made as much improvement as I could have. For some stuff I get into a routine and stick to it just fine, but not for everything. I might do it for a week, or a month.. then suddenly, even if I thought it was a routine by this point.. I just stop. It's.. it's weird because I feel like I do try hard to achieve certain goals.. yet I've been failing to reach some of them for so many years.. I know I know.. positivity. It's kept me going this long.. and I need to hold onto it. Still have yet to reach out again.. the last time I did I was really nervous but afterwards it felt not that bad. Now it's been a long time and the nervousness has come back. Plus I just have really been finding it hard to sit down and just type a message out to someone and send it. (Like how this message took me many days to finally just sit down and write it. Sorry about that.. a mental blockage just seemed to come up out of nowhere.) Yeah.. at first messaging you felt awkward, then after I got over that I suddenly felt really comfortable just sharing multiple paragraphs of what I'm going through.. and now I've started to feel like I went too far the other way and got too talkative. I'm shy but once I get started talking I'm quite talkative. Perhaps I could ask someone to help remind me of such things again. Didn't work the last time and just made me feel more guilty for not doing stuff after they'd reminded me, but I could give it another go. Ah.. I've not heard that. Well.. I've never seriously looked into it before, I've only "wondered" about if I should look into it. Back when I started drawing my initial thoughts were "I'm not sure an actual art course would fit for what I'm aiming for.. it's nothing quite so grand, and my main interest is just in drawing ponies so learning humans and getting super technical is going to make it longer before I can start drawing ponies and might feel overwhelming and discourage me from drawing." Perhaps I was wrong to assume that's exactly what it'd be like, but I think that not taking a course like that immediately probably did prevent me from getting overwhelmed and feeling discouraged near the start. But now that I have been drawing for a while and feel lacking in technical aspects.. it may be what I need. Or at least.. some kind of more structured thing online. Just.. something that isn't "here's a bunch of links to stuff to learn and do" and having no clear direction. Thank you for the support! I'm thankful for every bit I receive.

Twilightsparklerules : DEAL WITH IT!

Wed, 1 Jul 2020 03:44:44 +0000

:) That's good, I'm glad you're taking it seriously. Small goals. It.. does make it slightly easier, but often even the small stuff I find really tough to get done. Lack of willpower is a big problem for me. I can't seem to get myself to do stuff I know I should do. I often struggle to get myself to do things I actually do want to do, like drawing or playing a game. It's not nice at all. I know I can do things better though. For example, I was tired of sometimes going 1-3 weeks without drawing anything over the past handful of years.. so at the start of this year I set a goal to just draw once every day. It doesn't have to be a full sketch, even just working more on a drawing I've already started is good enough. And.. I've actually managed it so far. I've done some worthwhile drawing once for every day of this year. It's a small thing, and it's related to drawing so it's not helping me fix arguably more important problems, but it's something at least. I know I shouldn't get too caught up worrying about my progression, but since I know right now that I could likely be progressing a considerable amount faster with just a few handfuls of more effort/focus.. I can't help but get a little annoyed at myself for not making that little bit more of a serious effort. I'm not going to try and push myself to get super intense about learning art and put 100% of my effort and attention on that.. even though I know that'd be the more efficient option. Because that'd be really hard to get into. But I could be doing at least a little more than what I'm doing now.. I just want to nudge myself to put a bit more energy into my artistic progression. Talking to other artists of various experience definitely helps. I began to do that more late last year and have done it a bit this year too, but I struggle to talk to people. Over the past 2-3 months I've just suddenly had a much harder time speaking to anyone online and I'm not sure why I've started to have such a harder time with it recently. I hate it. I'm trying to work up the energy to push past all of that stuff and just message a few of those artists. I'm sure a better, more organised plan of learning (what to learn, for how long I should make it a priority before moving on to the next thing, where to go for this stuff) and a better schedule of when to draw and how long a session should last, would be a big help. But.. I've tried to create that before and it never works because I either don't know how to structure it, or I have an idea of what I should practice/learn but am incapable of sticking to a schedule. I keep wondering if I should take an actual proper art course, online, because that may have better success getting me into a schedule. I'm not sure. At the very least I really, really want to push myself towards going through the Drawabox guide. If I could start that this week that'd be great, but going through that anytime before the year ends would be nice. The only issue is.. getting myself to stick with it until the end. It really helps to talk about this, even if it's largely the same issues I've been talking about having for years. Thank you, I really appreciate your message. <3