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Dean got away from Amara because while she's pissed, she was more worried about Lucifer escaping than about Dean escaping. She's in Dean's head and can track him down whenever she wants. How he got back to the Bunker... probably the same way he got out to the woods?
Kevin got activated when Sam and Dean freed the Leviathan tablet and activated some "God power". Donatello got activated by being touched by Amara's fog, which was "God power". There was a blink-and-you'll-miss-it line from Sam about that when they were talking about Crowley rounding up the prophet potentials to kill.
I don't know that we needed to see Kevin to get that a new prophet could be called; he was after all dead. And I do hope that Sam picked up a phone at some point to tell Linda where her son's ghost had gone. But I didn't mind seeing Kevin and seeing him earn his place in Heaven, although like someone above I would have been even happier if Kevin had come in to help with Amara as a ghost and Chuck rewarded him for finding Amara and rescuing Lucifer.
Really looking forward to God and Lucifer working together, although I hope they'll have God move Lucifer over to Mark Pellegrino so we can have Cas back too. (Also, I love Mark Pellegrino, but that's beside the point.)
The difference between Sam's vessel and Cas's vessel: Sam is tied to his body. He can't leave it and take another one if something comes up. Have we seen any indication that Cas is tied to the body that way and couldn't do something like Crowley did?
When Cas was human, he did just fine without grace. It is his body, but is Cas tied to it the way, say, Sam is tied to his body? Can Cas no longer possess someone else? (Leaving alone the question of "why would he", just wondering about possibility.) If so, then I would be more inclined to agree with you.
Sam has been an angel's vessel. Twice. Possessed by a demon twice. So it doesn't surprise me that he distinguishes Cas, his friend/family, from the vessel, which has been a lifeless meatsuit for years now and isn't really Jimmy anymore either. Dean's never had an angel in him, the only time he's ever had a demon in him is when he WAS the demon, so he doesn't differentiate. I don't think either way is any less valid or any colder.
Just like Dean's doing what he'd do for Sam: trying to save Cas from his choice because he thinks it's a bad one. And Sam's doing what he'd want done for himself: he's respecting Cas's choice even though he thinks it's a bad one. I don't think either one indicates that either brother thinks less of Cas as family.
You know what bugs me most about Rowena? It's not her dying. Sure, I'd have liked to have her around for the remainder of the show's run, but characters die. It's her dying BECAUSE SHE'S NOT THINKING. This is Rowena, who's always had plans within plans with backups and contingencies. And now she's so overcome by admiration or love or whatever for Lucifer that she DOESN'T REALIZE that Lucifer doesn't wanna go back to his Cage and once she says she's the only one who could open it she was DEAD? Really? No.