I don't even know where to begin when it comes to saying how much this website has meant to me over the last few years.

To the commentariat:

Thank you for being such a wonderful, weird, wicked smart, ridiculously kind and thoughtful bunch of phenomenal people. It has been a pleasure and an honor to get to interact with you guys in the comments (whenever I managed to push myself into unlurking, that is). Even just getting to read your wit and wisdom has helped make me into a better, more well-rounded person, and for that, I will forever be grateful. You guys led me to Toastie Twitter where I am now proud to call nearly 300 of you my friends. May you always stay too witches.

To Nicole Cliffe:

Thank you so much for all the time, money, and mental space you have devoted to The Toast. You truly created something precious and unique that has changed the lives of thousands of people. Your iron fist in comment moderating helped create a safe space for so many people to connect and delight in their love of everything from Anne of Green Gables to Gal Science. I always loved reading your articles and your dedication to spotlighting articles that featured women/girls with autism.

To Nicole Chung:

You've written some of my favorite articles on this site and I can't wait to read your book! Your guiding hand as an editor and as a moderator are so greatly appreciated. It's not easy to do mostly behind-the-scenes work and I can't wait to see your influence on Catapult in the near future.

To Mallory Ortberg:

Mallory.

Mallory, Mallory, Mallory.

Sweet Mallory.

You've made me cry with laughter more times than I can count. My life would not nearly be as witches without the introduction to cheerful misandry your pieces gave it. I strive to be as unapologetic and bold as you are, as a writer. I'll always buy any book you publish. You make me want to reread every classic lit book I've ever laid hands on and get a move on reading those I haven't. Someday, I'd love to argue about theology with you. Stay classy, you magnificent animal!

*raises glass*

To a willing foe, and sea room!

I thought I'd just feel dead inside all day, but now I'm actually crying.

Holy SHIT, you guys!

I WILL NOT CALL THEM “CUM GUTTERS,” THAT IS TACKY

Cut lines, Mallory. They're called cut lines. It's the perfect compromise between stuffy Latin and porny slang!

One of my English professors in college thought that The Sorrows of Young Werther was one of the most romantic depictions of true love that was ever written.

I laughed at his face in class.

That article is horrifying and yet, not in the least bit surprising. As an actor, it is beyond the pale how normalized it is in theater/film for directors to psychologically (and sometimes physically) abuse the actors and crew. It's insulting, degrading, illegal, and completely unnecessary.

A director who has to manipulate their actors to get the performance they want is an ineffective and terrible director. Full stop.

The theater/film world has always attracted narcissistic/abusive assholes from time immemorial precisely because of the permissive attitude of "anything goes for art." It amazes me how shocked people are when they find out that their favorite director or big-name actor is a terrible person behind-the-scenes. Most of them are. The few that are not, are usually those that fly under the radar and genuinely do what they do for the love of it, and not the fame and glory.

MALLORY, you TROLL.

*gleefully awaits the deleted comments*

I went on a Jacques Pepin binge watch a couple of weeks ago. His voice and manner are basically Xanax to my always-anxious soul. Plus, the way he handles the ingredients is just so earthy and sensual to me, idk. If a hot guy/lady were to cook the same way for me, I'd be putty in their hands.

don't 'what' me, you know what

If only I could fave this a million times. . .

Nothing in the world!