14 comments posted · 190 followers · following 0

7 years ago @ The Toast - Why Everyone Is Attrac... · 2 replies · +72 points

A crush is just a love letter to yourself, written in the ink of another person.

7 years ago @ The Toast - Why Everyone Is Attrac... · 4 replies · +146 points

Because seeing a person in a very particular situation for a very brief window allows you to fill in all sorts of flattering backstory for them, to the point where their attractiveness becomes an amalgamation of their always-smiling face and your own carefully curated desires.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Reasons Johnny Bravo W... · 0 replies · +62 points


"I honestly don’t know what else to say about it. It isn’t that [Bravo] has a masculine jaw, exactly; there’s just something about it that makes lesbians and bisexuals sit up a little straighter and take notice. Not all lesbians have lesbian jawline, but every woman with lesbian jawline is guaranteed a small but vocal and loyal group of lesbian fans for the rest of her life"

8 years ago @ The Toast - That "More Than Brains... · 1 reply · +189 points

The bullet line makes more sense if you know that the University of Phoenix's mascot is The Multiple Gunshot Victim

8 years ago @ The Toast - Prayers That Would Dou... · 0 replies · +15 points

Teach my heart this day where and how to see you,
Where and how to find you.
You have made me and remade me,
And you have bestowed on me
All the good things I possess,
And still I do not know you.
I have not yet done that
For which I was made.
Teach me to seek you,
For I cannot seek you
Unless you teach me,
Or find you
Unless you show yourself to me.
Let me seek you in my desire,
Let me desire you in my seeking.
Let me find you by loving you,
Let me love you when I find you.

I am missing out on prayers, apparently

8 years ago @ The Toast - Prayers That Would Dou... · 0 replies · +61 points

Are a lot of these parallels deliberate, St. Teresa-style? The last one...seems deliberate.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Signs You’re About T... · 0 replies · +103 points

You never smile. A smile may creep across your face, or tug at the corners of your lips, or suggest itself in your eyes, but that is quite a different matter altogether.

8 years ago @ The Toast - A Guide To Flirting Wi... · 2 replies · +186 points

Think charming thoughts about them, as this will make them likelier to dream about you.

Guess their favorite flower. Make it your phone background.

Challenge them to an arm-wrestling competition. Handle your defeat poorly. If they can not best you in an arm-wrestling competition, they are not the person who is right for you, namely, Serena Williams.

Every so often, apropos of nothing, look around, shrug and say, "kissing, am I right?"

Shyly smile in their general direction, from the comfort of your own home.

8 years ago @ The Toast - He's Just So Hard To S... · 0 replies · +54 points

Petition to replace "mortal coil" in Hamlet with "wireless meat suitcase."

8 years ago @ The Toast - Sexual Overtures From ... · 0 replies · +94 points

I don't get why this is funny.

--Jonathan Franzen