en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/12762258 Comments by hithisisnom http://the-toast.net/2016/05/24/efficiency-and-forearms/#IDComment1021758177 A crush is just a love letter to yourself, written in the ink of another person. Tue, 24 May 2016 19:14:33 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/05/24/efficiency-and-forearms/#IDComment1021758177 http://the-toast.net/2016/05/24/efficiency-and-forearms/#IDComment1021742689 Because seeing a person in a very particular situation for a very brief window allows you to fill in all sorts of flattering backstory for them, to the point where their attractiveness becomes an amalgamation of their always-smiling face and your own carefully curated desires. Tue, 24 May 2016 14:44:29 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/05/24/efficiency-and-forearms/#IDComment1021742689 https://the-toast.net/2016/05/03/reasons-johnny-bravo-was-a-lesbian/#IDComment1020339143 Ahem. "I honestly don’t know what else to say about it. It isn’t that [Bravo] has a masculine jaw, exactly; there’s just something about it that makes lesbians and bisexuals sit up a little straighter and take notice. Not all lesbians have lesbian jawline, but every woman with lesbian jawline is guaranteed a small but vocal and loyal group of lesbian fans for the rest of her life" Tue, 3 May 2016 19:01:42 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/05/03/reasons-johnny-bravo-was-a-lesbian/#IDComment1020339143 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/25/that-more-than-brains-university-of-phoenix-commercial-is-in-the-running-for-worst-ad-of-all-time/#IDComment1019835549 The bullet line makes more sense if you know that the University of Phoenix's mascot is The Multiple Gunshot Victim Mon, 25 Apr 2016 16:20:26 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/25/that-more-than-brains-university-of-phoenix-commercial-is-in-the-running-for-worst-ad-of-all-time/#IDComment1019835549 http://the-toast.net/2016/01/19/prayers-that-would-double-as-excellent-pickup-lines-if-i-possessed-even-an-ounce-of-real-courage/#IDComment1010584936 Teach my heart this day where and how to see you, Where and how to find you. You have made me and remade me, And you have bestowed on me All the good things I possess, And still I do not know you. I have not yet done that For which I was made. Teach me to seek you, For I cannot seek you Unless you teach me, Or find you Unless you show yourself to me. Let me seek you in my desire, Let me desire you in my seeking. Let me find you by loving you, Let me love you when I find you. I am missing out on prayers, apparently Tue, 19 Jan 2016 19:50:19 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/01/19/prayers-that-would-double-as-excellent-pickup-lines-if-i-possessed-even-an-ounce-of-real-courage/#IDComment1010584936 http://the-toast.net/2016/01/19/prayers-that-would-double-as-excellent-pickup-lines-if-i-possessed-even-an-ounce-of-real-courage/#IDComment1010581833 Are a lot of these parallels deliberate, St. Teresa-style? The last one...seems deliberate. Tue, 19 Jan 2016 19:04:58 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/01/19/prayers-that-would-double-as-excellent-pickup-lines-if-i-possessed-even-an-ounce-of-real-courage/#IDComment1010581833 http://the-toast.net/2016/01/14/signs-youre-about-to-be-in-a-sinister-homoerotic-subplot-in-a-midcentury-drama/#IDComment1010046111 You never smile. A smile may creep across your face, or tug at the corners of your lips, or suggest itself in your eyes, but that is quite a different matter altogether. Thu, 14 Jan 2016 15:24:44 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/01/14/signs-youre-about-to-be-in-a-sinister-homoerotic-subplot-in-a-midcentury-drama/#IDComment1010046111 http://the-toast.net/2016/01/11/a-guide-to-flirting-with-plausible-deniability/#IDComment1009757235 Think charming thoughts about them, as this will make them likelier to dream about you. Guess their favorite flower. Make it your phone background. Challenge them to an arm-wrestling competition. Handle your defeat poorly. If they can not best you in an arm-wrestling competition, they are not the person who is right for you, namely, Serena Williams. Every so often, apropos of nothing, look around, shrug and say, "kissing, am I right?" Shyly smile in their general direction, from the comfort of your own home. Mon, 11 Jan 2016 19:45:54 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/01/11/a-guide-to-flirting-with-plausible-deniability/#IDComment1009757235 http://the-toast.net/2015/12/16/hes-just-so-hard-to-shop-for/#IDComment1006892785 Petition to replace "mortal coil" in Hamlet with "wireless meat suitcase." Wed, 16 Dec 2015 18:20:25 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2015/12/16/hes-just-so-hard-to-shop-for/#IDComment1006892785 http://the-toast.net/2015/11/04/sexual-overtures-from-an-alien-unfamiliar-with-the-human-body/#IDComment1002500438 I don't get why this is funny. --Jonathan Franzen Wed, 4 Nov 2015 20:24:44 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2015/11/04/sexual-overtures-from-an-alien-unfamiliar-with-the-human-body/#IDComment1002500438 http://the-toast.net/2015/07/27/aunt-acid-advice-for-owning-up-to-racism/#IDComment987490489 I think apologizing out of the blue is a bad idea. A sincere, candid apology at the time would have been great, and made a difference. If something similar comes up in conversation, and the segue is natural, saying "I know back then I did this, I just want to let you know that I'm sorry and I've learned since then," can also help put your friend's mind at ease. Not making similar jokes now is also an essential and basic step. But just because you've been holding on to this for seven years doesn't necessarily mean your friend wants to or is ready to have a conversation about this at all times. You may be hemming and hawing and choosing the perfect way to bring up a sensitive issue, and your friend gets the message while she's walking into her office. Or on the phone with her landlord. Or on a third date. Or in one of the many other situations where she a.) doesn't really want to rehash a comment from seven years ago, and b.)isn't in the mood or mindset to provide absolution. Also, the sad fact is that while this may have been the worst thing you've ever said, it's probably not even the worst thing she's heard this week. Mon, 27 Jul 2015 17:49:05 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2015/07/27/aunt-acid-advice-for-owning-up-to-racism/#IDComment987490489 http://the-toast.net/2015/06/22/the-secret-to-having-sex-after-giving-birth/#IDComment979980215 "instead of folding my clothes I just dump them in a 'clean heap' or a 'dirty heap.'" So you're saying I can turn this habit into a sex thing once I have kids? Mon, 22 Jun 2015 14:58:36 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2015/06/22/the-secret-to-having-sex-after-giving-birth/#IDComment979980215 http://the-toast.net/2015/06/10/oh-no-i-thought-you-were-interesting-but/#IDComment977257837 Oh no! I thought you were interesting but you're just really absent-minded about returning texts. Wed, 10 Jun 2015 16:19:32 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2015/06/10/oh-no-i-thought-you-were-interesting-but/#IDComment977257837 http://the-toast.net/2015/06/04/the-best-ingredients-at-subway/#IDComment976055986 LETTUCE AVALANCHE I decline lettuce and once the lady making my sandwich seemed so confused and upset that I let her put it on anyway. Thu, 4 Jun 2015 18:11:38 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2015/06/04/the-best-ingredients-at-subway/#IDComment976055986