370 comments posted · 17 followers · following 2

10 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Understanding The Dang... · 5 replies · +21 points

Safe is not the same as bland.

I have made quite a few people feel so safe that they wanted me to dom them in S&M scenes. They said, "trooper6, I feel safe enough around you and trust you enough that I want you to do exceptionally kinky things to me that could be dangerous if the person doing them weren't really conscientious." I said, "Okay, but let's negotiate and discuss boundaries...and decide on a safe word!" isn't bland.
Bland is bland.
A person could be bland as all get out and also unsafe.

Further analogy. I ride a motorcycle. Motorcycles are exciting. But I am never unsafe on my motorcycle. Because that is not smart. So if we ride together and you and I are both safe, we can have an exciting time. If you are reckless, I am not going to be having an exciting time...I'll be having a lousy time.

10 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Understanding The Dang... · 0 replies · +26 points

Excitement is not the same things a not-safe. I have not found that women are turned off by safe guys. I've found that women are turned off by guys they don't have chemistry with...and that depends on the individual man and woman in question. Chemistry is about the interactions of both people, so building chemistry will be context and person dependent.

Some people don't like to be touched by people they don't know. So all that advice to touch people in order to build chemistry will not work on work on those people. Some people are so touchy feely that touching them won't read as sexual at all, but platonic. So that advice won't work with them either.

Some people find smart people sexy. Some people find dumb people sexy. You have to find the people who click with. You have to learn to read people. And building chemistry with people who find you sexy and who you find sexy in return is easy. The trick is not to make people interested in you, but to find people who would be interested in you.

So let's say it is true that every one finds you sweet. Being sweet is not the only reason to date someone. If I met someone who was very sweet but had incompatible political views...I wouldn't date them. Because sweetness is only one criteria. If I met someone who was sweet but didn't like to spend hours deconstructing media, I wouldn't date them. If I met someone who was sweet but who was very religious, I wouldn't date them. There are all sorts of reasons I might not date someone that has nothing to do with sweetness or lack thereof. I once met someone who I found attractive, who was sweet, smart and really a catch. And she asked me out. But I didn't date her. Why? Because I was a college senior who was probably going to be leaving the state in a few months and she was a settled lawyer with a house, jacuzzi, who was thinking of running for public office and wanted something very serious, very quickly, that I couldn't provide. I wan't turned down someone who was too much of a gossip for my comfort level. I've turned down many people who weren't sweet. I've turned down people who I really felt like didn't want to date me, but who wanted to date anyone...desperately.

There are many reasons to turn people down. You shouldn't assume people are turning you down because you are too sweet. There are probably other reasons.

10 years ago @ - Gods of the Game · 1 reply · +3 points

Yay! New chapter!

10 years ago @ - Gods of the Game · 1 reply · +2 points

That is complicated to answer. A bunch of stuff.

1) I've been crazy busy in the ramp up the the Fall semester.
2) The new layout is not making me happy.
3) There is a poster who was not around for quite some time, and who is now back around, and I don't feel all that comfortable around the poster so I don't post in any thread that poster is posting in...but that poster has been around a lot recently. So...yeah...

How are you?!

10 years ago @ - Gods of the Game · 1 reply · +2 points

I'm loving two updates in such quick succession! Lots of dramatic tension! Great art style! Woot!

11 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Men's Guide To Skin Care · 0 replies · +3 points

The intro video for that site is hilarious. Really hilarious.

Oh, I just want to add three things about the shaving pic:
-The captions are hilarious.
-I always appreciate a Sweeney Todd reference.
-That "barber" is not shaving properly.

11 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Men's Guide To Skin Care · 3 replies · +3 points

I always shave with a straight razor. My nice one needs professional sharpening, so I am currently using one with disposable blades you can get from a beauty supply store for dead cheap.

Reasons I prefer it:
-safety razors like te Mach 5 or whatever, they are a racket. They overcharge like crazy for new cartridges. Straight razors, even the kind with disposable blades are much, much cheaper.
-The shave is better. Not only is it a good shave, because I'm black, I'm pone to razor bumps...with a straight razor? No razor bumps. Also, I like sort of complex facial handlebar mustache is thinned on the top half and separated down the side burns are pointy...I have a D'artagnon style goatee...all of that requires precision work...and a straight razor does that faster and better than anything else.
-It isn't as time consuming as you think once you get used to shaving...but the time you spend is quite nice. You have to relax and just calm down. For a person like me who is always thinking about a million things, it is nice to just concentrate on the strokes of the blade on my face. It is sort of meditative.

I recommend the straight razor highly!

Even if you don't go with a straight razor, I do recommend use shaving soap and a shaving nice!

11 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - The Power of Expressiv... · 0 replies · +5 points

I totally agree.

I had this crazy epiphany when I realized most of the things I don't like about the academic field I work in (Musicology) is because the people in my field were mostly bullied in middle school by popular kids. I was too, but unlike them, I got over the strange middle/high school defense mechanisms that basically make you insufferable...while a lot of my peers have not--and you can tell in the scholarship.

11 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - The Power of Expressiv... · 1 reply · +3 points

Though men, especially American men, tend to speak lower than their "real" voices.

Anyway, masculinity/femininity perception in voice is more about inflection and resonance than it is about pitch.

11 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - The Power of Expressiv... · 0 replies · +6 points

You can always try to use your words. You can just say, "I know I'm not showing it, because I'm a big introvert, but I'm really having a great time with you."