20 comments posted · 3 followers · following 1

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Barack Obama Has Now T... · 1 reply · +3 points

Oh Lordy..thanks for the intel even though it did melt my brain a little. you half expect her to say "We compliment her on a frequent basis as not to stir up her angry jungle blood."

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Barack Obama Has Now T... · 4 replies · +4 points

Not that I'm bursting with respect for Bristol Palin, but I'd really hope that article was ghostwritten for her by some 84 year old dimwit who hasn't felt a tingle in his crotch since he threw coffee at Freedom Riders in the 60s. I'd like to think that sort of limply paternalistic talk could only come out of the mind of a bitter old dipshit attempting to write the dialogue for a young girl, Jack Chick style.

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Michele Bachmann Joins... · 0 replies · +3 points

I know it would lack the poetry of glitter but these would be way better if they spit out poison mist like The Great Muta: http://ow.ly/5lJx4

12 years ago @ Wonkette - Michele Bachmann Nearl... · 1 reply · +6 points

This is made even more infuriatingly tragic when you think of Bachmann's role as the bikini booth babe to the car show of sadness that is the Tea Party. These tiny sweet lesbian nuns who had the tolerance and love in their heart to attempt to reason with these monster made Michelle her blow her rape whistle, but standing hip to hip with morbidly obese tea party patriots whose Obama as a nazi shirts barely covering their white power tattoos. Their fat sausage fingers slowly exploring the contours of her thigh. Her cold,jagged smile getting tighter by the second, she reminds herself she's doing god's work. Goddamnit, I just made myself feel sort of bad for Michelle Bachmann...I need a shower.

13 years ago @ Wonkette - Pizza Man Herman Cain ... · 0 replies · +4 points

Oh I hope they run Cain! It doesn't matter if he has all the charisma of the abrasive dude at a Town Hall complaining about his neighbor having his Christmas lights still up in January.Nothing gives right wingers a bigger hard on than an "articulate" black dude barking out talking points. Every shitty conservative comic strip or hacky political thriller novel always has some black guy telling off some kooky liberal. The general public, on the other hand, will see Cain for what he is: a knock off Mac & Me to Obama's E.T..

13 years ago @ Wonkette - Cornel West Heartbroke... · 0 replies · +14 points

I wish Cornell West would dump his new BFF Tavis Smiley. It's more embarrassing than Willie Nelson hanging out with Toby Keith.

13 years ago @ Wonkette - Guy In Charge of World... · 0 replies · +12 points

The only good that can come of this is hopefully it'll prevent another creeptastic article where an American guy waxes poetic about how sophisticated the French are for not caring about silly shit like "consent". Probably not.

13 years ago @ Wonkette - Osama Bin Laden Direct... · 0 replies · +5 points

The main reason this pissed off Biden is because this news kiboshed his dream of dying in Obama's arms and saying "Isn't that just like a Wop? Brings a knife to a gun fight."

13 years ago @ Wonkette - Meghan McCain Writes J... · 4 replies · +34 points

It boggles my mind that Meghan Mccain is constantly mocked by right wing pundits for being hideous when she's got those old school 50's va-va-voom Betty Grable curves that would make a Tex Avery wolf shoot his eyes out his head. All the while, they push their cadre of right wing "hotties" (Palin,Bachman,Coulter,Laura Ingraham),who look like bargain basement tranny hookers rendered by Nintendo 64 processing power complete with jagged polygonal edges and dead eyes, and view anyone who doesn't get hard/wet by the mere mention of their names as crazy people.

This is of course all my fault for trying to make sense out of republican sexuality.

13 years ago @ Wonkette - Screaming Alex Jones S... · 2 replies · +27 points

Not to be a hipster but I've been rocking the Alex Jones show since before 9/11 when his main issues were black helicopters and national ID cards. I find a sad beauty in how desperately the dude wants to be a digital Paul Revere but settles for being a fat,hyper-active spazzoid whose attempts at anger come off less like an angry revolutionary and more like a youtube video of an emotionally retarded kid punching himself in the face cause his mom canceled his Warcraft account.