My God. We lost our voice.

Bless and keep his family.

X.

My God. We lost our voice.

Bless and keep his family.

X.

My God. We lost our voice.

Bless and keep his family.

X.

TEST QUESTION:

Who is responsible for Ben's death?

a.) Moe

b.) The vendors who sold Moe his gunsmithing tools?

c.) Sheriff Sam

d.) All of the above.

e.) Ben, because he is a Zionist dog who usurped the lands bestowed upon Moe's ancestors by the Will of Allah.

The correct answer is self-evident. However, if you answered e.), there is a bright future for you in academe and/or the Obamal Administration.

X.

Okay, let's see if we can sort this out.

Sheriff Sam and Ben are friends. Sheriff Sam and Ben have guns. Moe, the town bully, does not have a gun. Moe loudly and publicly proclaims that if he had a gun, he would shoot Ben dead.

"It sure is a good thing," everyone says' "that crazy jerk, Moe, doesn't have a gun."

Moe tries to buy a gun, but no one in town will sell one to him. They know if they do, Moe will almost certainly use the gun to kill Ben. And even the folks who don't care much for Ben know they'll be held responsible if Moe carries out his threat. Plus, Moe is crazy, and you never know what a crazy man will do if he gets his hands on a gun.

He may shoot Sheriff Sam.

He may shoot one of his neighbors.

Hell, the damn fool may even accidentally shoot himself!

Foiled and frustrated, Moe holes up in his garage. Neighbors spy delivery trucks dropping off all kinds of machine-tools--lathes and drill-presses, die-cutters and books about gunsmithing. All day and late into the night, they hear Moe cut and grind and shape steel. People suspect Moe is up to no good.

Word gets back to Ben, who takes a look in Sam's garage and discovers that Moe is, indeed, fashioning something that looks remarkably like a gun. This upsets Ben. He shares his concerns with Sheriff Sam, and the two pay Moe a visit.

"Moe," Sheriff Sam asks, "are you building a gun?"

Moe is crazy and mean as a bedbug, but his Mama didn't raise no fool. He knows that if he tells the truth, Sheriff Sam and Ben will dismantle his shop and, as they both have guns (and he, alas, does not), there will be little he can do to stop them. And so Moe lies.

"No," he drawls with a sly grin, "I'm building a go cart."

Ben knows that Moe is lying. Ben demands that Sheriff Sam join him and dismantle the shop. Sheriff Sam refuses, saying, "I'm sorry, Ben, but there's no law against building a go-cart."

"But he's not building a go-cart!" says Ben, incredulous, "Look! There's a barrel. There's a slide and a bolt and a firing pin! There's a trigger assembly!"

"I see all that," replies Sheriff Sam, "but it's not a gun. Now, the minute he puts it together, if it's not a go cart, you give me a call."

"But then it'll be too late," cries Ben. "If it's a gun, he'll shoot me!"

"Come, now, Ben," the Sheriff says, dismayed and saddened, "Haven't we been the closest of friends since the day you were born? I would never let Moe harm you--much less kill you!"

All this is true. Sheriff Sam has always been Ben's most steadfast friend. But Ben is puzzled. Moe has, after all, made his intentions clear. And the project on his workbench is clearly a gun. Surely, Sheriff Sam can't be stupid enough to believe that Moe is actually building a go-cart? No. There must be some political issues at play. Sheriff Sam, after all, serves the entire town. Perhaps he's concerned about being accused of favoritism. Still, Ben can't bring himself to simply ignore the threat inexorably taking shape in Moe's garage.

He seizes upon a solution.

"Let me me dismantle his shop," Ben suggests, "You don't have to raise a finger against Moe. I can do all by myself."

However, Sheriff Sam refuses to even entertain, much less support, any preemptive action by Ben. Instead, he urges Ben to be patient, reminding him that they are the best of friends and that Ben can count on him for protection. "Just sit tight," the Sheriff says. "Let's see how this pans out."

Over the next few weeks, Ben and Sheriff Sam keep a close eye on Moe. And day by day, it becomes increasingly apparent that Moe is not building a go-cart.

Moe is building a gun.

"Look!" exclaims Ben, "he's screwing on the barrel!"

"Stay calm," says Sheriff Sam.

"He's loading a magazine!" cries Ben.

"Patience," says Sheriff Sam.

"He's chambering a round!" shouts Ben.

"Easy. Take it easy," says Sheriff Sam.

"He's cocking the hammer! He's pointing it at me!" stammers Ben, reaching for his own weapon.

"Don't do anything rash," says Sheriff Sam.

Moe shoots Ben dead.

"Oh, s**t," says Sheriff Sam.

Before Moe can chamber a second round, Sheriff Sam guns him down. TEST QUESTIONS FOLLOW.

X.

Had Al Gore known there would be a site like Big Journalism, and that you would routinely train a bright, cleansing light on all the sleazy little dung-beetles whose daily job is to deceive and indoctrinate the American public, he never would have invented the Internet.

I salute you, gentlemen. As for "PolitiFact," I give my crotch a hearty squeeze and snarl, "Fact-check this, assclowns!"

X.

Couldn't he at least track down Sasheen Littlefeather to accept it for him?

X.

Sssssssmaaaarrrrrrrrrmmmmmy.

Does the White House employ a full-time janitor to follow Carney and mop up his slime-trail?

X.

Prediction: After Obama loses, they'll make like Acorn and fold up their tents, only to open ten minutes later under a new name. My vote is for "Der Stürmer." That way, they won't need to change their editorial policy towards Israel and they'll be able to recycle some of Soros' favorite Philipp Rupprecht caricatures.

X.

A short list of other things besides Olbermann that are back by popular demand:

Polio;
New Coke;
Yugos;
Smallpox;
Hootie and the Blowfish;
Joanie Loves Chachi.

Quick, Keith! Alosersayswhat?

X.