gdp's Comments

Don't Get Any Ideas : 49: Simon\'s True Form - Don\'t Get Any Ideas

Thu, 9 Jul 2020 22:42:09 +0000

(Part 2 of 2) Also, to challenge your idea that people are "trying to be special" or "stand out", I (and many others who use some of these labels) primarily use these labels privately. They are useful for me, mainly for helping me to understand my own sexuality and romantic feelings, my attractions and interests. I very rarely tell people that I am gray-aromantic or allosexual; usually I only do when the topic comes up, like when someone else brings it up, as you have here. Also, I don't feel constrained by labels. I used to identify as a straight male, when I was younger. Then I realized I was also sometimes attracted to men. Then I realized I didn't identify as fully male, in part when I discovered terms like "genderqueer" and "nonbinary". So the labels I used evolved and changed. But they aren't there to constrain me in a box. Rather, I find a lot of them liberating. For example, for me, "nonbinary" helped me to realize that I didn't need to feel the need to answer a question of: "Am I a trans woman?" in a strict "yes" or "no" way. In some ways my experience is similar to that of trans women, and in other ways it is similar to that of cis men, and in yet other ways it might be different from both. I don't assume either that other people will feel similarly to me about gender, just because they also wear the "nonbinary" label. If you don't like labels, then don't use them for yourself. The point of them is that they are empowering for some people. They are useful to help people understand themselves, they are useful to help people communicate useful information to others, and they're also useful to help people connect with communities of people who share certain experiences in common with them. All of these are valid, constructive uses, and you would do well to acknowledge these reasons in how you talk about the use of such labels. You are critical of "stereotyping" and "us vs them", yet here you have engaged in your own negative stereotyping of people who use labels, saying negative things about these people. I would strongly recommend examining how you are approaching this, whether you are living by the values you claim to want to promote here.

Don't Get Any Ideas : 49: Simon\'s True Form - Don\'t Get Any Ideas

Thu, 9 Jul 2020 22:41:58 +0000

(Part 1 of 2) I strongly disagree with your assertion that people using any other labels are "trying to be special" or trying somehow to redefine who they are or stand out. I can think of several reasons for this. One of them is the use of heteroflexible or homoflexible, which communicate primary interest in one gender but occasional or some interest in other(s). This label is useful for people who might technically qualify as bi/pan, but don't want to use these labels because they do have a strong preference or tendency for attraction for one gender. This can be useful to avoid criticism of "But you're not really gay / straight, because you dated such-and-such person." while avoiding getting a lot of unwanted attention from the gender you are less interested in. Another, completely different reason, is that sexuality is more than just what gender(s) you are attracted to. There is the whole phenomenon of the asexual spectrum and the aromantic spectrum. And this gets at yet another reason for the additional labels, which is that in some people, sexual and romantic orientation don't always line up. For example, it's relatively common for people to be sexually interested in both women and men, but only desire relationships with one gender. These people can then describe themselves as bisexual but either heteroromantic or homoromantic. Again, it serves to communicate clearly what types of connections a person is open to. It's useful to avoid unwanted attention as well as to locate and connect with the people you want to connect with, while communicating clear expectations to them. I also think that labels are not inherently tied to an "us vs. them" mentality. I personally abhor this sort of mentality, but I still use labels. I don't use them to say or imply that I will relate better to people who have similar labels. In fact, this isn't even true. For example, I'm allosexual (not on the asexual spectrum) but I find that I relate really well to asexual people and other people on the ace spectrum. I'm also on the aromantic spectrum, but have generally been fine with dating alloromantic people.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Fri, 30 Aug 2013 12:59:53 +0000

Haha...that's how I feel when I try to describe how someone looks.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Thu, 1 Aug 2013 17:41:16 +0000

I also avoid this word for the same reason...it has too many different interpretations. I've had it be misconstrued before. I think our society also has it worse than the language alone would make it be, because there are subcultures (both religious and various non-religious social movements) that use the word "love" heavily, in a non-romantic way, but people in society have varying degrees (from none to intense) of involvement in these subcultures.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Thu, 8 Nov 2012 16:58:05 +0000

I don't think I really got this until now.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Fri, 5 Oct 2012 13:54:26 +0000

Only as long as they don't screw it up! Maybe Sylvia could make it into an animated film?

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Mon, 1 Oct 2012 14:06:24 +0000

Apologies, it was baboons, not chimps: http://www.nytimes.com/2004/04/13/science/no-time...

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Fri, 28 Sep 2012 16:09:01 +0000

My experience has been that different individual humans vary greatly in the degree to which they desire and/or are comfortable with monogamy (which are two separate issues too: some people want it, but aren't comfortable with, it, and others vice versa). I don't find it particularly accurate or empowering to make generalizations about humans being or not being naturally monogamous. When you look at the individuality of all the different human relationships out there, and the way different people and different cultures have different boundaries, you realize that monogamy isn't an "either/or" distinction, but rather, that different people and cultures have different beliefs and practices about relationships, and there is a great deal of gray area. This is also true of other animal species. For example, in species of birds, mating / breeding systems often change in response to constraints, like availability of resources, structure of their environment, population density, etc. It also can be due to culture (even in animals); I recall reading a study some time ago in which the "alpha males" of a group of chimpanzees were inadvertently killed when they all ate poisoned meat that they had hoarded for themselves and not shared with others. But the new social order that arose, rather than having new "alpha males", didn't have alpha males at all and was less top-down structured, more egalitarian, and more welcoming of outside males, and that this new social order seemed as stable as the old one.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Fri, 24 Aug 2012 15:37:14 +0000

Haha...wow...I love how this one gets into the weird sort of indirect drama that could only exist in situations involving a mind-reader.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 13:43:02 +0000

This is interesting, until this comic, I never really thought about how, although Brian can read minds, he cannot necessarily anticipate how someone will react ahead of time to something he hasn't said yet. So he's still able to put his foot in his mouth just like everyone else. Maybe this explains his somewhat reserved personality, where he often remains silent so he can listen to other people's thoughts. Maybe there's a lesson here in how to better communicate with other people, even for those of us who can't read minds.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Tue, 29 May 2012 16:19:53 +0000

Oh man, totally agreed here. I also hate how heels look, but most of all I hate getting stepped on or kicked by someone wearing them. There are so many really cute looking shoes that are flatter and lead to more natural biomechanics for walking, dancing, etc. And personally, I think natural biomechanics look much more sexy than the artificial, heel-induced gait that society deems "sexy". I'm just not into that.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Tue, 29 May 2012 16:17:44 +0000

I'm not always convinced that counseling is the best approach for overcoming psychological problems. I.e. I don't think that counseling is necessarily always better than no counseling. A good counselor that is a good match for someone can help immensely, but in the end, the best counselors just help a person to help themselves...at least, that's how I see it. And there are many other ways people can help themselves.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Tue, 29 May 2012 16:15:04 +0000

Hmm...while I personally believe that the intentions and reasons behind actions can be very important and can change whether or not it leads to good or bad outcomes, I think that there's not really enough information (here, or in most situations like this in real life) to know what's going on in her head. For example, I could see someone like Sara thinking: "I really need to look older in order because I need to impress people for them to like me.", which in my opinion, is an unhealthy thought process...but I could also see someone saying: "Hmm, my life isn't really working. It would be helpful for me to change my image, maybe looking older can help me be more assertive so I can be more likely to go after what I really want.", which, in my opinion, is a more healthy thought process. In reality, her thought process might be complex and there might be lots of different things going on, including some healthy elements and some unhealthy ones. I think most people are like this. I think it's not terribly fruitful to go too deep into analyzing someone...rather I think it's best to just try to emphasize healthy viewpoints in our interactions with them.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Fri, 6 Apr 2012 20:28:21 +0000

As someone who has struggled with depression, I will say, the way I see things, situations like this don't MAKE people feel suicidal. Depression does. And specifically, the person's beliefs and thoughts about their self-worth and the relationship of their self-worth to being in a relationship. People can be with the person they want to be with, and still feel suicidal, and a person who struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts can have very unhappy things happen to them without them feeling suicidal. And at least, for me, seeing things this way rather than thinking that bad things cause us to feel depressed has been really empowering for overcoming depression. As long a person is stuck in the idea of thinking that bad things cause us to feel depressed, they're going to keep struggling...there are always going to be really hard things in life that they can focus on. Everyone has plenty of really hard things to deal with in life, depression is just about where we focus and on where our brain goes from there. At least, that's how I view things and I find that view very empowering for overcoming depression.

Seven Cups Fine Chinese Teas : Tea trends in 2012

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 23:02:20 +0000

What you're saying here makes a lot of sense. I really agree that, in the end, certification logos and the systems that support them are not enough...there needs to be a continual process that pushes things in good directions, from multiple angles. For example, you can have a system of organic and/or fair trade certification...and then consumer advocacy groups, and bloggers, can highlight problems with the certification system, which can put pressure on the certifying agency to take it to the next level...you can also have individual shoppers who preferentially buy from companies with greater transparency regardless of certification...and you can have whistleblowers and watchdogs who seek out specific cases and expose problems, which both can fix specific problems, and discourage any sort of dishonesty. I would really like to add more discussion on RateTea about direct sourcing. The problem I run into is that it is very difficult for me to verify claims of direct sourcing. In most cases, it's impossible for me, with just the internet available, to distinguish between a direct-sourced tea and a tea sold as private-label tea provided through some other wholesaler (or, perhaps worse, multiple layers of resellers), unless I'm just trusting information provided by the tea company. Sometimes I've been able to deduce, based on big-picture observations about similar or identical teas sold by different companies, and by the types of companies selling them, that a certain tea is likely a private-label tea, or a certain company likely does not source any teas directly, but actually validating that a company is sourcing directly seems much trickier. I think that highlighting sellers who identify the harvest date, bush type, and location of production is a good starting point. One thing that we currently do on the site is that we have a hierarchical system of organization of regions, for example, China --> Fujian Province --> Fuding County, and the capacity to add as much detail as we want. If a seller provides more information, say, listing a tea as produced in Fuding county rather than just Fujian, their tea becomes more visible on the site, because it is now returned in searches both for China and Fujian province, as well as for Fuding county, whereas a tea listed as just from China would only show up from China. So, built into the system is an inherent reward for companies providing more detail. What do you think of retail companies owned and located in the countries of production (I've seen this both in India and China, and of course, plenty in Japan) which sell directly to shoppers in Western countries? Do you think this model is superior in any way, or are there any drawbacks to it?

Seven Cups Fine Chinese Teas : Tea trends in 2012

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 14:53:04 +0000

I already see this trend towards open sourcing. A lot of companies are now proudly advertising where their tea comes from, with astonishing levels of detail. One thing that I wanted to do with creating RateTea and classifying teas with a great deal of detail in terms of region as well as style (type) is that I wanted to both draw greater attention to teas where the seller has provided more detail, and also I wanted to provide a reference for accurate information so that a relatively uninformed shopper could check claims made by a seller against a source they could trust more. I ultimately think that the trends that you describe, especially those about open sourcing, and about shoppers judging a company by the accuracy of their information provided (both of which, I think, in the end, will lead towards higher-quality tea and more sustainable tea production), are things that will not happen on their own--they'll only happen if people band together to redefine the culture and the marketplace. I think the same sort of phenomenon exists in food and agriculture across the board...people are becoming more aware of their food, where it came from, and how it has been produced, and are focusing more on quality and less on marketing gimmicks. I think in some respects these trends are part of a broad transformation of American society and Western society in general, a sort of emerging from the dark ages so to speak, the dark ages of an industrialized food supply and a consumerist society dominated by centralized marketing by by corporations telling us what to eat and what to buy and how to think and act. But I think that overcoming this system takes hard work...it's like a return to a traditional way of life that has been lost, you can't just go back, you need to work to rediscover old traditions and teach them to people, and also to create and promote the creation of new traditions. Perhaps these thoughts are a bit grandiose, but I think this is important stuff and I want to encouarge people to feel passionately about it. It is sort of a big deal! And at least, to me, that's what makes it so exciting!

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Fri, 3 Feb 2012 16:25:34 +0000

I'm really curious where this is going.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Fri, 6 Jan 2012 23:22:07 +0000

I think that that viewpoint, the idea that lying to protect people's feelings is a good thing, is based on an unhealthy way of looking at things, which leads to problems in human relationships. Most people tend to be dramatically more upset by people lying or withholding information than they are by hearing information that may be unpleasant to hear. I think it is more empowering to take responsibility for your own feelings, but not the feelings of others. I personally believe that my responsibility is to be respectful of others, which includes being honest with them. I want to be considerate of their feelings, but I don't want to act so as to prevent people from being upset at all costs. Sometimes being upset about things is a natural and healthy part of life and of relationships...and trying to suppress that can ultimately cause much more harm. I also agree with you, that it's not constructive to assume that the guy in this situation acted wrongly or inconsiderately.

Think Before You Think : Think Before You Think - A Mind-Reading Webcomic

Fri, 6 Jan 2012 23:11:13 +0000

I don't think that there's enough information given here to draw conclusions like this. Yes, this is one possibility, but there are many different ways to imagine this situation happening. It's also possible, and likely (I've seen this situation) that the guy would be perfectly comfortable taking no for an answer, but that Mandi is irrationally afraid of hurting his feelings, because she falsely views herself as responsible for his feelings, and is trying to protect his feelings. Actually, I think given some of the other relevant information in the comic, this might be a more plausible explanation. This sort of pattern is common in people who have depression, and I notice that Mandi's statement "Only pathetic people desperate for attention would do that." is actually characteristic of someone with depression, because it contains thought patterns, like labelling, black-and-white thinking, and jumping to negative conclusions, that are characteristic of depression. People with depression would be more likely to make the error of assuming responsibility for the other person's hurt feelings and then let it stand in the way of open communication, than a person who was thinking clearly.

All Facebook : Want To Change Your Facebook Page Name? You May Soon Be Able To

Sat, 17 Dec 2011 17:13:25 +0000

The inability of changing Facebook page names for pages with over 100 fans is problematic for me. I run a site which I originally founded as RateTea.net. I bought this domain because RateTea.com was not available. I included .net as part of the branding / name of the site in all web presences because I wanted people to remember that it was .net and not .com. The site has since grown to be very successful and I was pleased to recently acquire the .com. However, now I have rebranded the site to just RateTea now that I own both domains. It looks sloppy and unprofessional to have the Facebook page still showing the .net when the overall branding / name of the site elsewhere on the web is now just RateTea. This is going to harm Facebook too. If Facebook won't let me change the name of the page, I'm probably just going to stop using the page, and I'm certainly not going to advertise at all on Facebook. Something simple that would take them as little as a minute or less to check and verify and update is causing them to lose money and me to lose functionality. I can understand that they might want to be selective about name changes, so they don't have people change names in deceptive or manipulative ways. But sometimes companies legally change names, they change the name of a brand, a product, or a company's trade name. When this happens, it's outright problematic for Facebook to not allow people to change trade names. It's especially silly in cases like this. What I'd like to see is for Facebook to allow a change in names, and to allow it once or twice a year max, and to approve the name change on a case-by-case basis. They could make a policy of only allowing a name change when the name is changed to more accurately reflect a trade name, trademark or product name, or official organization name, which can be verified in an external source. This would prevent abuse of the name change system, but would help people who legitimately need to change their name.