gdp's Comments

Paging Dr. NerdLove : The Art of Cold Approach Pt 1 - The Basics

Mon, 22 Jul 2013 20:35:41 +0000

Yep, definitely the monied/classist privilege at work there. And I think in a way it's a deliberate use of it, because it pulls the two people into an "us" (privileged people who can totally joke about going to jail because that would never happen) versus "them" (non-privileged people who might have been to jail or be close to someone who has, and who are excluded from this type of joking because it's a real thing).

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Fake It 'Til You Make It

Tue, 9 Jul 2013 04:48:25 +0000

I kind of doubt you'll be able to explain it to them no matter what references you use. They'll keep hearing "nice guy" and think that yes, their son is a wonderful person, very nice, such a good catch, and if a nice woman just got to know him a bit better they would surely hit it off.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : How To Make Dating Easier

Mon, 1 Jul 2013 17:53:32 +0000

There can be friends with benefits who are real, close, emotionally connected friends, and there can be friends with benefits who only use the word "friends" within the overall term "friends with benefits" because it's a convenient cultural shorthand for the type of sex partner they are with that person at that time. It's a continuum. From what Marty said, it sounds like the situations she's describing are more in the convenient shorthand area of the continuum. Or, you know, what enail said.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : How To Make Dating Easier

Mon, 1 Jul 2013 17:39:53 +0000

It sounds to me like you're not forming an emotional connection with the guy. Without an emotional connection, he might still be interested in a physical connection (the old FWB thing) but if he doesn't start feeling some feelings for you then the dating and relationship part doesn't happen. That's what I would concentrate on in this case, being able to form an emotional connection.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : In Defense of Pick Up

Fri, 28 Jun 2013 16:31:39 +0000

I think the advice in books like The Rules falls into some of the same type of traps as the advice for men in PU. It assumes that ALL men want a woman who is [whatever set of things the book says you should be], rather than acknowledging that men are not a monolith any more than women are, and different men want different things. Some men find a woman who falls very hard very fast to be clingy, where other men might find it romantic. Hard to do advice that doesn't treat the desired set of people as a monolith who can be figured out, and a set of keys made for all who purchase the right book.

HijiNKS ENSUE - A Geek Comic : A Place Of Respect

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 19:01:29 +0000

"Addams Family Values" is an underrated classic for the ages.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: Time To Say Goodbye

Thu, 13 Jun 2013 00:59:15 +0000

*grin* Basic Instructions is one of my favorites!

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: Time To Say Goodbye

Wed, 12 Jun 2013 20:26:01 +0000

I've got to throw in a Basic Instructions for this one: http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2...

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: I Need A Hero

Thu, 23 May 2013 03:27:57 +0000

Oh, wow, that totally sucks! You should not have to put up with that garbage, and your friends should not be blaming you for his rage problems. Not at all. Also, your comment totally reminded me of this post: http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/06/missing-st... I hope your friends stop jumping over the missing stair and fix it instead!

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: I Need A Hero

Thu, 23 May 2013 03:15:11 +0000

Wow, tough indeed but it sounds like you're doing an amazing job.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: I Need A Hero

Wed, 22 May 2013 18:57:14 +0000

Man, I wish there were better resources for finding new friends online!

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: I Need A Hero

Wed, 22 May 2013 14:02:21 +0000

Yeah, everything the Doc said. You did good to get her out of there rather than attack a stranger. What kind of nonsense would that be? And yes, lots of us women prefer the guy who's smart enough to avoid the fight and level-headed enough to reverse the car and get out of there.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Simplified Dating

Mon, 20 May 2013 21:12:40 +0000

My experience with grades was that it was always true that if I learned the material, my grade reflected that, and likewise if I didn't learn the material, my grade reflected that. So the advice people gave you about grades works for some people, but apparently didn't work for you.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: Best Frenemies

Wed, 15 May 2013 21:11:33 +0000

Yeah, the problem with DIY is that you pay for it in the currency of time. It helps if a person has an attitude like mine, that the traditions and tropes are there for a reason, because they work, and why reinvent the wheel? Some people hate the traditional stuff, and that's their right. I found that more tradition meant less work for me.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: Best Frenemies

Wed, 15 May 2013 19:15:54 +0000

I got married a couple years ago, and I found that dealing with people who work for the Wedding Industrial Complex was actually a lot easier than I had expected it to be. Most of them were extremely professional, and seemed to be accustomed to working with a wide variety of personalities who were planning weddings, not just the squealing-ready-for-my-Bride-Special-On-TLC types. It seemed to me that trying to plan something smaller/cheaper/more individualized leads to more decision-making pressure, and going with kind of a standard bride-in-white-dress + groom-in-tux + standard-wedding-package-from-wedding-vendors was pretty easy. They show you some pictures and you point at the one that you like, and they make it happen. A wedding planner or event coordinator is great for that sort of thing, basically putting together a package of stuff you'll probably like, showing it to you to get the ok, and then executing everything for you. You sign the checks (likely bigger with more help, but worth it if you can afford it) and show up at the appointed hour.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Creep Week: How To Reform A Creeper

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 00:09:28 +0000

I'd look at it like college classes. If you're Type 3, that's the class you'd avoid no matter what. If you're Type 1 or 2, you wouldn't major in that subject or anything, but you'd take the class if it fulfilled part of the core requirements and was convenient to your schedule.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Gaming While Female

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 15:00:40 +0000

Yes, this is an important point. There's a lot of pressure when gaming while female not to be "oversensitive" or "spoil everyone's fun". So if I'm gaming and someone starts saying gross sexist stuff, I might be feeling uncomfortable and doing my best to hide it because that's what "cool" "non-dramatic" girls do. If you then jump in and single me out, that makes me feel uncomfortable too. So much better if you're just coming from a point of view that saying that stuff or acting that way isn't cool with you, even if there weren't a woman there at all.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Plan The Perfect Valentine's Day

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 18:26:00 +0000

One of my favorite Valentines Days was when I was a freshman in high school. I was single, so I dressed up in a cute outfit and brought a big bag of candy and a package of those red foil heart stickers with me to school, and all day long I wished people a happy Valentines Day and gave them stickers and candy. I had a blast.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : How To Get A Second Date (By Acing The First)

Sat, 9 Feb 2013 02:48:02 +0000

One of my favorite fallbacks is "so far so good".

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: Calling You Out

Wed, 6 Feb 2013 19:24:17 +0000

Totally. I've had that kind of thing happen, where in the moment it sounded kind of sexy, but then thinking about it a second time it felt gross instead.