Oh my goodness, those salads look delicious! I think I seriously started to drool. :)
You may doubt me when I say this, but I think you are beautiful, trim, and athletic. I know first hand how the ED can distort how we see ourselves, so I understand how and why you may not agree with what I have said about you. But, from an outsider's perspective, you look fabulous and I do not think that you could EVER eat your way into being a Supersizer!
I know what you mean though about envying the super skinnies that survive on junk and don't work out. It can be so frustrating and disappointing for those of us that eat healthy and work out. Hugs to you. <3
I am popping in just to say thank you for tagging me! I am SO sorry for the serious delay in my response. I will post on this soon! <3
"I confessed, not because I had committed the 'crime' but because I had an inherent sense that I was a Bad Person, and deserved to be punished for something anyway."
I completely understand this feeling. I am learning that I am not a bad person and do not deserve to be punished, but it is taking a lot of time and effort. I also stumble and fall with these efforts and with my fight against my eating disorder, only to pick myself up and try again. When you stumble, it is important to know that you are NOT a failure. As long as you pick yourself up and try again, you are an amazing success!
One of the reasons that I enjoy your blog and am so inspired by you is your honesty. It is extremely difficult to bare your soul and I have nothing but the highest esteem and respect for you. I also care and I am sending a lot of love your way. I hope that you find some peace from the torment for the next couple of days. <3
I am so sorry that you are struggling so much and experiencing so much physical, mental, and emotional pain. You have not failed anyone. I repeat, you have NOT failed anyone. There are so many of us that care for you and are rooting for your success. Please take care of yourself so that you can heal. Even if you lose a little bit of your fitness, your muscle memory will help you bounce right back when your body is healed and ready to work out again. I definitely think intermediate or advanced yoga would be a great fit for you in your current situation. It's amazing how helpful it can be. And, look at Nicole. It's her primary source of exercise and she is buff! Lots of love headed your way! <3
I know how this can feel, as my Bulimia has fought back against my efforts this week. I have won the battle, but it doesn't mean I am not battle wounded and scarred. I am currently working to love myself rather than loathe myself, so I understand. I hope one day you can truly know that you are more than deserving of being loved not only by others, but by yourself. But, because you cannot currently love yourself, I am sending lots of love your way. :)
"they cling to me like toddlers to a roundabout when they have to leave the park because playtime is over." I love this analogy. You are such a terrific, expressive writer!
While I love the analogy, I don't love that you feel that way about your weight or your body. You were not a terrible person in your previous life, nor are you a terrible person now. You do not deserve to be in physical, emotional, or mental agony. You are a beautiful person and I hate that you are going through such a hard time. You deserve to love and accept yourself. I hope that you are able to know and believe this for yourself sometime soon.
I also hope that you can be kinder to yourself by listening to your body. If you keep pushing your body too hard while you are injured, the injuries could worsen to the point that you are unable to do anything physical and that would be awful. I also think the tics and headache are from stress. I am sending lots of relaxing positive and loving energy as I can your way. <3
I am sorry to hear that you are still struggling with your injuries and with getting enough sleep. Like you, I love to run. Yet, I have bad feet, so I have to be careful how much and how far I run unless I want to have swollen feet that I can barely walk on the next day. I hope that things improve soon!
As for the vegan tattoo. I have wanted to get one, but I want it more for my own purposes than to get attention from other people. I don't think they are tacky. I have 7 other tattoos and might get three of them covered up with a full-back tattoo, so I am being especially selective about what and where I get any new tattoos, because I don't want to end up hating it enough to remove it or cover it up. I might get a vegan/vegetarian tattoo of some kind in May, as that is the 10 years vegetarian anniversary, with 2 years of that period being vegan. I would probably get my own design of some sort though. :)
Wow, I totally missed the 84 reference. Like many others, I figured it was the year of your birth or something like that. I am sorry that you are struggling so much sweetheart, and I am sending loads of comforting and loving thoughts and hugs your way. ♥
Happy New Year, Jessica! I hope that this year is better for you than the last. Like you, I plan to strive to be kinder to myself this year. I wish you all the best in this endeavor, as I know it is very difficult! Thank you for the well-written, wonderful KIND bar review. I haven't had all of the flavors yet, but my favorite is the Blueberry & Vanilla. My close runner ups are the Fruit & Nut and Date & Walnut bars. ♥
More proof that we are on the same wavelength, Nicole! Of the flavors that I've tried, my favorite KIND bars are ranked exactly in the same order as yours! I also have been working on eating slower, chewing more, and enjoying my food rather than gobbling it down like a crazy woman. :)