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6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - 5 Dating Tips For Shor... · 0 replies · +3 points

I was just about to say the exact same thing - so, women deserve to be hated for having the exact same preferences and behaviors that you feel perfectly entitled to? And why do you still hate women who rejected you if you're supposedly so happily married?

Also, the word is spelled A-L-P-H-A. Unless you're referring to some superjock-racing car hybrid beast stealing all the women.

6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: How ... · 1 reply · +8 points

**You also clearly have LISTENING problems.**

This whole thread reminds me of a discussion I got into on another dating advice website. The subject of complimenting women came up, often in an online dating scenario. People (including myself) were saying that a guy shouldn't overdo the compliments or make them solely about looks. What *does* work with women is to make brief, sincere and highly specific compliments. For example, she tells you she hiked the Appalachian trail alone? "Wow, you're really brave." She runs her own successful business? "Wow, you're really an expert at this."

In a nutshell, what you *don't* want to do is come across as someone who just wants to get laid (or worse, are a manipulative narcissist using compliments to distract people from actually getting to know you or pay attention to how you treat them - and yes, I've had lots of experience with that type). What you *do* want to do is show you're actually *listening* to her and paying attention to who she is as an individual human being. *That* is exactly what relationship-minded women want. They want to be truly seen and understood (just like men).

And OF COURSE a bunch of guys fought against/actively refused to listen to this advice. "Women complain because men tell them they're beautiful? Women are just SO entitled. You just CAN'T WIN with 'em..."

It's like a square on the Dating Advice Column Bingo board:
Men: "What do women want? They're so hard to read!"
Women: (Patiently explain in great detail exactly what they want and need and why)
Men: "'re wrong! You don't know what you want! Also that's too hard and I don't care what you want! Even though I claim to and just asked you! Why, oh, whyyyyy am I aloooooone...??"

Long story short, I was nodding a lot at your comments because not being listened to drives me batshit, too. In that other discussion I finally just said, "Cool story, bro" (which felt SO GOOD).

6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Wednesday Open Thread:... · 0 replies · +2 points

Awwww, Eggbert. He sounds like a really amazing guy.

6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: How ... · 1 reply · +14 points

**The more you let that crap take up residence in your brain, the more likely it is that your girl will leave you over being paranoid and obsessive.**

Yup. Today my brother was bitching about some co-worker of his, "He's such a bum, and I ran into him at the movies with this really nice girl. Why can't I find a girl like that?" I was like, "Well, you *could* but you don't trust anybody, you think everybody's a crook out to rip you off." Almost verbatim what my shrink said to me years ago.

Honestly, my first thought on LW1 was, "WTFFFFFF is up with his knowing about this other guy's dick size???" That, plus the ridiculous distance between them made me kinda iffy on the health and future longevity of the relationship. Though I'll grant you that if she did throw that tidbit in his face in a callous manner, he would've set the scene with great detail (I sure would've). It's entirely plausible that he badgered her for details.

I do suffer from similar insecurities. Obviously not about dick size or "manliness," but about feeling attractive, measuring up to other women, worrying that a woman with more of XYZ quality will just automatically sweep my man away, etc. Early on my BF used to inadvertently do things that would throw fuel on my jerkbrain, like going on and on and on about his ex- (granted, most everything he said was a complaint, but she was clearly on his mind a lot) and mentioning how young (20-something) students used to hit on him (like, WTF, why do I need to know that? Age and weight are to women what dick size is to men as far as being insecurity minefields. He said, "Well, my point was that I could've had them, but didn't want them, I wanted you." I was like, " didn't need to bring it up at all, though...").

Anyway, as someone who feels this way, I did find the Doc's advice very helpful - the reminder that, yes, certain qualities are often found attractive, but people are more than just collections of qualities. Otherwise, nobody would ever make a true connection and you'd be paranoid about losing your partner every time you had a cold or a bad mood or whatever (and maybe some people really do go through life with such glum expectations of relationships - hell, I was one of them for a long time. I've worked really hard in therapy to change my beliefs. The BF and I have our struggles, but in general are ridiculously happy, everyone asks when we're getting married, etc.).

6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: What... · 4 replies · +37 points

**LW2: Good rule, 90% of the time, never compare a woman you're with to another woman sexually unless she asks you to. You apologized and she wants to maintain a friendly distance, respect it, learn from this and move on man, that's all you can do. We all make mistakes, its how we recover that matters. **

I'd take it further and say don't compare women at all, ever, about anything**, even if you're comparing the woman you're with positively to women from your past. It shows that other women are on your mind when you should be focused on the woman you're with.

**barring an extreme circumstance where you need to be an eye witness for the cops or something. "The taller one had the gun..."

6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Olivia Munn and The Th... · 1 reply · +3 points

If it's not marketing but everyday users - yeah, I guess I have occasionally seen YouTube videos of people playing games and talking about their strategies and whatnot. Also I've read idiotic comments on YouTube videos and news stories where I was like, "WTFFFF are you even talking about?" So I guess I get the gist.

6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Olivia Munn and The Th... · 1 reply · +5 points

I have no idea what that is, sounds like it's a business that wants your money? Kinda like dating sites promising that a bunch of Playboy bunny and Jon Hamm lookalikes are just WAITING to connect with YOU, just 5 miles from your location in Idaho?

If so, that's marketing, not "fake geek girls" (assuming I read the situation correctly).

6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Olivia Munn and The Th... · 0 replies · +7 points

There is a Male Gaze in my home (boyfriend) and not that he says jerky things about my body, but...I'm being observed, gah... Working on getting in shape/liking what I see more. Dancing in my underwear at home sounds awesome, actually.

6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Olivia Munn and The Th... · 3 replies · +11 points

I assume you're just doin' your thang and there's no Male Gaze around to accuse you of being a faker. (I play Candy Crush fully clothed and don't pretend to be a gamer). ;o) I'm passionate about reading and certain TV shows, but I just...don't feel comfortable enough in my body to do things naked/in underwear unless it's absolutely necessary (sex, showering, changing clothes). But my experience isn't everyone's.

6 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Olivia Munn and The Th... · 8 replies · +21 points

**pretends to play video games naked or in sexy outfits. **

Um, wouldn't these be actresses in pornos playing a role? Isn't that like being mad at an actor who pretends to fly?