gdp's Comments

Jade Keller : Playing the Waiting Game--in Life, Marriage, and Motherhood

Thu, 6 Jun 2013 12:29:31 +0000

Thanks for the link love Jade! Congratulations on the baby, when are you due? This is a great post, so honest and heartfelt. It captures what so many young women are feeling and experiencing. You're doing a real service in sharing your story.

Hooking Up Smart : It's About Time: The New Reverse Double Standard

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 19:54:41 +0000

I will agree that some women who lose respect for a man due to his promiscuity will go ahead and have sex with him anyway if he should happen to single them out with his favors. I don't think this indicates a swing of the majority - I just think it's interesting, a trend worth watching. I have personally witnessed women steer clear of such men. It's not accidental that women now talk about man sluts, man whores, etc. They also call promiscuous men "dirty." This is very common - everyday speech on college campuses. These men are not going to start being ignored suddenly - but I do think that the divide will increase. Promiscuous men and women will seek each other out, and less promiscuous women will seek less promiscuous men.

Hooking Up Smart : It's About Time: The New Reverse Double Standard

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 19:49:51 +0000

The point is that some women have already changed their behavior. Not enough to dry up your supply of poon, but enough to keep themselves out of harm's way and available for a more worthy LTR prospect. Top girls don't want to keep players around. Those would be the bottom feeders - women with a high number of sexual partners themselves. When a man is contemplating marriage who is a top girl? Your own posts make it clear that you would never choose a woman who has had a large number of partners. You've basically said that you don't want to be part of any club that would have you as a member (no pun intended).

Hooking Up Smart : It's About Time: The New Reverse Double Standard

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 19:35:24 +0000

Duly noted. In this context: Men who are sought after by many other females = Men who are highly sexually experienced. As stormraven pointed out in the last comment thread, men are sex positive by nature and have been observed turning down offers of sex on only rare occasions. One might be more likely to see a brontosaurus crossing the street.

Hooking Up Smart : The Complex Psychology of STD Transmission

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 18:49:37 +0000

This conversation has inspired my newest post - on man sluts. Check it out!

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 11:58:35 +0000

Again, you are being ridiculous! Why accuse Athlone of being picky? He was recruited to play football at a fine college. His friends are his teammates. That's natural enough. He is Jamaican, already dealing with a new culture. Why on earth would you suggest that he go in search of yet another culture where he wouldn't fit in and feel comfortable? If Athlone showed up at any of those clubs he would not be welcome. Clubs that focus on race or culture do so precisely so that people can separate themselves and associate with their own kind. Honestly, this is pure nonsense.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 11:55:05 +0000

Athlone is not drinking the Kool Aid of sex-positive feminists. Men are sex positive by nature, LOL. The whole point of sex-pos feminism is having sex like men. So that doesn't really make sense. When I said that spf gets 9% of the takers, I mean women who would identify with the label. The media attention is a big problem because it redefines the norm in our culture. It is now "normal" to drink 15 shots on a night out and go home with a random partner. Most (75%) college students will have this experience. And they can find plenty of reinforcement in the popular culture. The "anything goes" attitude grew out of the Sexual Revolution, and there's no putting the genie back in the bottle.

Hooking Up Smart : Spitting Game: The College Hookup Culture

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 11:41:22 +0000

Well, I am that parent. My daughter has always come to me for information and advice, knowing that I would not reject her and that I was willing to discuss anything at all. The unconditional love and acceptance is for the child, not the behavior. She knows that even when she makes a poor choice she can process that with me and still get a hug. As a result, she has made very few poor choices.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 02:12:10 +0000

Hmmm, I'm not sure. I think one factor is that men are more comfortable in confrontation - they're happy to duke it out without a lot of hard feelings either way. Women are far more emotional, and we take things personally. I know I have tossed and turned in the middle of the night about insults I've received online. I doubt many men have had that experience. Or perhaps it reflects some awareness of the weakness of the argument? IDK, so much of feminism depends on portraying men as the opposition. I haven't spent much time commenting on MRA sites, and when I have it's been with an open mind, so I've not encountered too much hostility. In truth, though, I was deeply mistrusted at the beginning. I received some very threatening emails that I found frightening. I don't think men censor as much, but they are perhaps equally as aggressive and argumentative, or perhaps even moreso.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 21:38:34 +0000

VJ, I just looked at that drugsrus link. I feel like I've stumbled into Trainspotting. BTW, I do believe that's Moe with her. They make quite a pair.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 21:28:33 +0000

Hmmm, how has the national rate declined, I wonder? Are infected people dying off faster than people are getting it? Doubt it. I could understand a decline in the number of new cases, though I'd be surprised, but overall infection rates?

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 20:00:06 +0000

Oh, sex toys are awesome! Didn't mean to imply otherwise. It's just the one-sidedness of the Duke approach that seems, well, unsafe. I believe that the session covered many toys meant for two, by the way. It wasn't about rubbing one out to destress and fall asleep.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:58:19 +0000

Fair enough. I am guilty of some pretty broad brushstroking here. I did it to make a point about something I think is particularly harmful to young women. It's true that these particular women have their detractors, but many take them seriously, and now Moe T. is trying to make a name for herself writing about the financial crisis. She's in way over her head, but that's not germane. As for Game lunatics, I make no secret of my opinions of them either.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:15:05 +0000

I think it is a question of tolerance vs. promotion. In the post I wrote about sex week at Yale, there was a very definite feminist agenda - the fair is done with the assistance and blessing of Women's Studies. That included the aforementioned BDSM demo, complete with whips and clamped nipples. It included a career counseling session with a hooker interested in getting email addresses from students. At Duke, freshman orientation includes a session on how to acquire the best sex toys to maximize your freshman experience, but absolutely no mention of making careful or wise choices around sex. As I see it, as a regular consumer of media, there are three groups of women who describe themselves as feminist: 1. Women's Studies profs - generally extremely anti-male. The new Sexual Misconduct Policy at Duke is a perfect example. 2. The NOW/NARAL crowd - my generation, mostly aged 40+. Most concerned with perceived pay/career inequality and Roe. 3. The young women bloggers who identify as feminists, and regularly promote no-strings sex, while deploring abstinence, not only as a sex ed approach, but as a behavior. Jessica Valenti recently made a teenage girl in an audience cry by telling her that her choice not to have sex was wrong and unhealthy. Am I missing anyone? It's true that I'm writing here about #3, mostly because young people have no awareness of #1 and #2 (unless they pursue a Women's Studies course of study). College students generally believe that feminist = grumpy old lady. In fact, I'd wager that the rate of herpes infection in groups 1 and 2 is near zero. So I concede that it's only feminists under 35 or so that want you to get herpes.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 19:04:40 +0000

Well here's the voice of reason. It's just not that complicated. I couldn't say about the sensation question - my husband doesn't think it's that big a deal but some guys really, really hate it. It's your policy of having unprotected sex only when committed that got Moe Tkacik into an uproar in the first place. As if your making that choice affects her in some negative way. Well, you see what my response to that was. Crabs? *Shudders* There's a good reason to shave.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:55:19 +0000

Welcome, Too Tall Jones, thanks for leaving a comment. First off I need to reject your statement about gays working destructively to redefine traditional marriage. Whether you see it as destructive or productive depends on your POV, but it's off topic here and against my own feelings. I don't want to debate it, but I do want to raise an objection. I'm not a fan of IQ comparisons either, by the way, as I feel that it has limitations when predicting success. I will say that hookup culture originated on college campuses, and the Sexual Revolution was ushered in by many very smart people. Intelligence does not prevent us from making poor decisions about sex. When it comes to sex, both men and women tend to think with the little, and tiny head, respectively. Re the shame question, I really don't think these women do feel shame. However, to have a condition that is painful and contagious sucks - and it also makes life awkward if your doctor is telling you that you are morally and legally bound to share that information with all potential sexual partners. Wouldn't life be great if everyone had herpes and we could just make it the new norm? Not even worth mentioning. I think what they're engaging in is some sort of denial.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:39:52 +0000

That's fair. I don't mean to imply that all women who can relate to the goals of feminism have herpes, or want you to have it too. Still, there is a powerful censorship, in my experience, at many of these sites. When I have tried to leave comments about what women face in this sexual environment, they go into moderation and never show up. Dissent is not tolerated. I will confess that I tend to read these sites through the lens of relationships, just because it's where I spend my time doing research. Although this misbehavior occurred nearly 2 years ago, it was recently linked to on Slate to illustrate what a bunch of squares we all are, how judgmental in our scolding. More about this in my next post.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:36:03 +0000

I'm afraid this particular malignancy is American in nature. We're so spoiled and complacent that all we can think about is our own orgasms. It's the Sexual Revolution fallen into the hands of sociopaths. If the goals of feminism have been met in America, we can either close up shop or look beyond our own shores, IMO.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:32:23 +0000

Waga, welcome, thanks for leaving a comment. What are young American feminists fighting for? What do they stand for? How many of them are there? Who are the women fighting for the causes that ATS has identified? Recently Joan Wallach Scott (over 40) said that it is inappropriate for Westerners to criticize the stoning of Muslim women: I have not used the word toleration to talk about how we should deal with those radically different from ourselves," she explains in the Introduction to her recent book, The Politics of the Veil, a polemic against western anti-Muslim prejudice, because, following political theorist Wendy Brown, I think toleration implies distaste (her word is aversion) for those who are tolerated. I want to insist instead that we need to acknowledge difference in ways that call into question the certainty and superiority of our own views.... What is the equality and change you seek? Here in the U.S., where the college ratio is 60F/40M? Please explain. I derive my understanding of young feminists from the blogs they write and frequent: feministing feministe pandagon jezebel The women on these blogs are wholly on board with sex-positive feminism, and as far as I can tell are not agitating for real and positive change, other than to rail against "the patriarchy." Those claims look pretty weak as women outpace men in nearly measurable way. If I'm missing something, I really would be open to enlightenment.

Hooking Up Smart : Why Feminists Want You to Get Herpes

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 18:19:25 +0000

Haha! Oh yeah, lots of women can relate to that. Better no sex that the kind that gives you a major emo hangover.