Soledad

Soledad

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49 comments posted · 2 followers · following 0

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Are You Sexually Compa... · 0 replies · +2 points

As someone whose marriage imploded partially because my ex was completely unwilling to accommodate my foot fetish, I appreciate the nods in this article.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Invisible Victims: Men... · 0 replies · +3 points

Thanks, Doc. This is an article I've been waiting for you to write for a long time.

My mother was emotionally abusive, and I never realized it until my second therapist brought it up. I was in my late thirties. My first therapist, I could imagine, would be loathe to approach the idea since she was also treating my mother after her suicide attempt (which was the result of my dad finally leaving her. Textbook case.) I witnessed her attacking him once when I was extremely young, and when he fended her off, she showed me the bruises on her wrists the next morning and said "This is what your father did to me." I don't think she remembered that I was in the room at the time.

She hid a knife under her pillow once, and threatened him with a gun on another occasion (my dad's a collector; one night after they'd had a fight he found a pistol left on the bed). I never thought any of this was really out of the ordinary until I was in my early 20s and had gotten completely fed up with her behavior, but I didn't really have anyone to turn to because every time I brought it up someone'd flip the script and tell me that I was just a lazy ungrateful bastard of a son because reasons.

Anyway, as for resources, an excellent website is "A Shrink For Men" (www.shrink4men.com) - they offer a lot of resources and had a really moving series called "In Their Own Words" for Domestic Violence Awareness Month last October. Check it out.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Invisible Victims: Men... · 0 replies · +3 points

This is one of the reasons I have an extremely hard time discussing social justice, both online and off. A *lot* of the tactics I've seen people use in the arguments trip my emotional abuse triggers. My mother abused both my dad and myself for over twenty years, and I've been in a couple of abusive relationships on top of it, so I'd like to think I know them when I see them. At this point I simply don't engage anyone trying to discuss this stuff anymore because it causes me extreme stress.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - What Can One Man's Mis... · 0 replies · +5 points

Yeah, I knew how this article was going to end as soon as I read the headline. I know a lot of poly couples (California, we has 'em) and generally speaking, the women are all rolling five deep and the guys can't get anyone to look at 'em twice. One couple in particular was fun to watch because they'd show up to social events with her dragging along her flavor-of-the-week that she'd spend all night cuddling with in the corner while he'd try to cozy up to anyone who sat still long enough.

They were also horribly hypocritical about a lot of other things, but we won't go there.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ending Sexual Harassme... · 0 replies · 0 points

I have nothing to add to this article except to say that I used to make it a point to call out shitty behavior in one of the online communities I used to frequent, then after realizing that I'd been doing it for ten years and it hadn't made a lick of difference I basically just stopped. I feel bad about it, but there's always an infinite stream of new creepers influxing in (it's a fetish community) and, at this point, a couple of trolls who pretend to be creepers or devils advocates for laughs.

I've heard the burnout rate for SJWs is pretty high. I can see why. Can't imagine having to carry the weight of the world on a regular basis like that.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Leveling Up: How To To... · 0 replies · +2 points

I can't help but think about how ironic it is that you wouldn't be compatible with someone who's exactly like you in this regard. IE, if you both have the same touch preferences it would be impossible for either of you to touch the other without turning them off, since the other touching first to signal permission would turn you off.

Not that there's anything wrong with your preference, it just struck me as interesting.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Leveling Up: How To To... · 0 replies · 0 points

On the feet and culture thing, my experience with dating women from Hindu cultures has been the direct opposite of the Doc's advice. They told me that feet were considered sacred (they touch the earth, and symbolize your connection to same), and that touching one's feet is considered a sign of respect. Children do it to their parents, for example.

Obviously, not everyone feels the same way about it, but given that I have a foot fetish and have to screen my dates for compatibility in that regard, it's a topic that comes up early and often. It's usually the white girls who have a problem with it, rare as it is.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: How ... · 0 replies · +6 points

Also gives that scene in Spaceballs an entirely more relevant context.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: How ... · 7 replies · +10 points

I've always pictured two guys swordfighting with their dicks.

Not much better, really.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: How ... · 0 replies · -2 points

Marty, if you're thinking about the scene I think you are, then it's a pretty good assumption that Penny was just sales-pitching her petition, not actually trying to get to know Dr. Horrible as a person. She wanted his signature. That's it.

Besides, I'm constantly being told that women showing tentative signs of interest in me (IE, the "she's talking to you, what more do you want?" reaction) is usually wishful thinking on my part, so blaming a guy (Nerdly or otherwise) for not taking every innocuous conversation as an opener isn't particularly reasonable.

I'm also curious how much of that "bowing out" is an effort to not looking clingy and hanger-onish, given how many women complain about guys following them around just because they talked to them. If a woman excused herself to go talk to her friends, I'd assume the conversation was over and also assume that if she didn't come back, she wasn't interested.