en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/966028 Comments by Lambpower http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment104250294 What about having a friend of the opposite sex is giving the appearance of evil? What temptation would occur if someone had a friend of the opposite sex? Sat, 16 Oct 2010 01:56:22 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment104250294 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment99789111 Your assumption is that being with a member of the opposite sex IS a temptation. What if it is not? Sun, 19 Sep 2010 18:12:37 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment99789111 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment99787415 You really can't run your life by what other people MAY think. Other people may take any action that you make (even the most innocent) and turn it into something evil. Jesus was accused of associating with sinners and publicans. I suspect that one of the Church's biggest cause of ineffectiveness is that we worry far too much about what other people may think. There may very well be cases where someone may want to steer clear of a particular situation. However, I have to weigh that in light of Jesus' example. Note that most people who are caught in compromising situations are not caught because of their overt actions, rather their covert actions. Sun, 19 Sep 2010 17:55:48 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment99787415 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90710454 You may not know this, but Anne has a son who is gay. Stop for a moment and think. Even if you didn't approve of his lifestyle, wouldn't you be hurt when people who call themselves Christians carry signs that say "God Hates Fags" ? I know I would. Wed, 4 Aug 2010 02:42:11 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90710454 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90709418 "Christ is the answer and His church will endure forever." Christ is the answer to what? I'm not trying to be snarky, If what you're saying is true then why all the steam about Anne Rice? Some of her criticisms are valid. Instead of shooting our wounded, maybe we need to listen to what they say. Wed, 4 Aug 2010 02:34:17 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90709418 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90707571 I'm not sure what you mean by "People want Jesus without all of the things that are attached to Christianity" My take is that she (like many people) is dissatisfied with some of the stances that she has seen the church take. I don't think that she feels that she has a higher standard than Jesus. She is questioning some of His followers views. Wed, 4 Aug 2010 02:20:02 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90707571 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90705594 So, are you saying that as a Christian I have no right to speak critically of the Church? "I wonder how someone who is so well versed with violence and darkness could have believed for a moment that they are truly Christian " That I can answer. Because God said that if you believe you're in. May I also remind you that Paul persecuted Christians and even killed them? So, by your logic Paul shouldn't have considered himself a Christian. Even if someone profited from their past, that is no reason to act as harshly as you have. Remember the log and the spec. Wed, 4 Aug 2010 02:04:22 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90705594 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90704332 No push back from me. I pretty much agree with what you said. I'd like to add that the pro-life movement in the Church seems only to care about life at the beginning and end of life. Great battles are fought for the fetus, who fights for the mother? Many seem to be willing to sacrifice the mother's life for the sake of the child. Protests are held at clinics without regard to the pain that all patients (even though they may be there for a reason other than abortion). There's a lot said about family values and the sanctity of marriage while the Christian divorce rate is as high as a non-believers. Seems we may need to get the log out of our eye first. Wed, 4 Aug 2010 01:55:52 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/08/3448/#IDComment90704332 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/07/secretly-being-liberal/#IDComment90041126 I would like to second Aaron Harris's comments. There is no asterisk in the Romans 13 passage that qualifies what governments we're supposed to follow. The Romans were the biggest plunderers of history. They took from whatever territory that they conquered, and taxed them ferociously. Sat, 31 Jul 2010 19:59:13 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/07/secretly-being-liberal/#IDComment90041126 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment87601515 I'm sorry you feel that people who disagree with you are fools. I can guarantee that I want to protect my marriage as much as you do. I don't happen to believe that having a female friend (I'm male) will do injury to my marriage. Nor do I believe that my wife having a male friend will create an affair. I realize that you view that as foolish. You make a valid point. Affairs are a series of decisions. I don't subscribe to the theory that all of a sudden you find yourself in an affair. Wham and there's the affair. At the same time, I don't believe that having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex will send me down the path of having an affair.Just like I don't believe having one drink makes you any more prone to being an alcoholic. I have known too many divorces that have nothing at all to do with one spouse or the other having a friend of the opposite sex. I applaud your efforts at keeping your marriage strong. However, please do not assume that those who don't agree with you are fools. Tue, 20 Jul 2010 02:44:30 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment87601515 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment86388063 Both of you make the same statement :No harm can be done by being too careful. I beg to differ harm can be done, you just don't see it. Let's start with a really basic example. A woman's car breaks down, it's cold rainy and late. A man who she knows and trusts comes along and stops. He refuses her request to let her get in his car because he doesn't drive with a woman that he is not married to. Where I work there are 2 men and 2 women. It is not uncommon for us to drive between buildings with a person of the opposite sex. We do this to save money for the school district that we work for since we get mileage. My boss is also a woman. I've been on trips with her where it was just the two of us. We didn't stay in the same room. But we did drive together. If you want to believe that these rules protect your marriage. That's fine. In reality, they don't. By the way, this is where the real damage comes. ou start to believe that YOU'VE imposed rules that will protect YOUR marriage. Rules do not protect any marriage. Love, respect, communication are the elements that protect marriage. Imposing a rule just gives you the false impression that you're protected, when in fact you're not. Tue, 13 Jul 2010 02:06:03 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment86388063 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/07/suddenly-realizing-youre-more-conservative-than-you-used-to-be/#IDComment86382198 I haven't read through every comment. I don't think that anyone has mentioned the verse in I Corinthians 13; "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." As we get older and mature some of the things that were once funny are no longer funny. It's sanctification as well as changing perspective. I have found the best comedy appeals across age groups. Think Bugs Bunny, Ice Age. and Bill Cosby the jokes are multi level. Kids see some of the silliness, adults get the satire. Tue, 13 Jul 2010 01:10:47 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/07/suddenly-realizing-youre-more-conservative-than-you-used-to-be/#IDComment86382198 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment84793420 Your comment infers that couples that do not follow your rules are not respectful of each other. Each couple has to set their own rules and boundaries. Those rules and boundaries will differ from couple to couple. Sun, 4 Jul 2010 23:03:24 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment84793420 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment84378701 "My mentor has always told me to approach one-on-opne situations with ladies (i'm a guy) as if both of us were married to other people. " But you're NOT married. You don't have to act like a tom cat, on the other hand, acting as though you are married automatically and unnecessarily restricts your world view. "Would I appreciate my wife meeting with a guy to have a deep conversation?" I'm married and I don't mind if my wife has a deep conversation with another man, "Would I expect my wife to see it as acceptable for me to regularly spend alone time with another woman? " I don't expect my wife to see it as acceptable. As a married couple, we decide what is acceptable for both of us. It is reciprocal. "I try my hardest not to, but I think that I am also not quite on the legalistic side of it. I just try to be careful when around other women not to act like I am particularly interested, unless I am. " You are being legalistic. As a single male you are in an ideal situation,. You have the ability to meet and enjoy many people, men and women for what they are, people. You have the ability to experience a lot of different personalities. Don't limit yourself. Fri, 2 Jul 2010 23:45:03 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment84378701 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment84372921 So,having lunch with a member of the opposite sex is sin? Fri, 2 Jul 2010 23:24:13 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment84372921 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment80970246 As someone who has a close female friend who is not my wife I find your comments to be rather interesting. First, contrary to your view I am very aware of the "temptation part". Hence, my wife is aware of my activities with my friend. She is aware of our phone conversations as well as any social meetings that we have. I am tempted by this friend? Well, yes, however, I balance the worth of my friendship with her (which would be lost if I had an affair with her) and the relationship I have with my wife and guess what? My wife and the friendship win out over the affair. I do not view friendship as to what i get out of them, rather what I can contribute. Aside from that I am well past the point in my life where I need someone to teach me how to be a man. My friendships (male or female) are based on mutual interests like Theology, Work, Books, Music, Church, and Life. Having a female friend is NOT a substitute for my wife. Finally, I do not live my life worrying about what someone else may think. For all anyone knows, when I am having lunch with my female friend, she could be a relative. Aside from that , the only people who might even care are usually Christians, who should remember that gossiping is a sin. As far as word getting back to my wife, she already knows that I've made the appointment with my friend. Frankly, I would love for the gossip to get back to her, the gossiper would be in for a very big surprise. Each of us must live according to how the Holy Spirit leads us. You may be lead a different way than I am. However, please do not assume that those of us with cross gender friends haven't thought about the pitfalls and the potential problems. We have. I have been blessed by God with a few friends both male and female. Please do not degrade God's blessing. Sat, 19 Jun 2010 15:55:06 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment80970246 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment80884695 I am very sorry for the situation that you are going through. It's rough and I know that there is a lot of hurt. I'm sure that you realize that your husband intentionally restarted a friendship for all of the wrong reasons. As I noted in my previous comment, the intention to sin starts well before the act comes to fruition. No, your husband and his female friend are not "just friends". I would say that he crossed the "just friends" line when he initiated the friendship with her again. His better safe than sorry moment occurred when he contacted her. Please do not confuse what your husband did with a legitimate friendship between a guy and a girl. Contrary what many believe, there can be a deep, non-romantic relationship. A relationship in which there is no physical intimacy. Even between married guys and girls who are not married to each other. It does happen, however, it usually doesn't get posted as problem to many blogs. What you've gone through with your husband does not even closely resemble what I am talking about. Fri, 18 Jun 2010 22:55:18 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment80884695 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment80511405 While your story may contain a cautionary tale, there are thousands of cross gender friendships that do not create affairs and divorces. "anything can happen anywhere at anytime with anyone and you never see it coming! " I disagree, I think people DO see it coming, they just choose not to get out of the way. I find your view to be quite scary since (in your view) any cross gender friendship could suddenly go out of control. I believe that your attitude creates the false impression that affairs just happen. Sin starts in the mind long before the first inappropriate act is done. Thu, 17 Jun 2010 01:25:30 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment80511405 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/06/3162/#IDComment78546293 Premarital sporking? it's neither spooning nor forking Fri, 4 Jun 2010 19:42:56 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/06/3162/#IDComment78546293 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment78528245 You're right, no one gets up in the morning and decides to have an affair. There have to be several conscious decisions that are made over a period of time. Here's where I believe that many Christians get turned around. The decision to have the affair takes place way before you get into a car or have lunch or talk with a person of the opposite gender. The problem with your analogy is that you treat having an affair as an accident." If I just had not had that lunch, I wouldn't have had that affair." The temptation starts in you heart and soul, not based on who you become friends with. That's why the rules don't work. My choice not to have an affair starts long before I decide to have lunch with a female friend. The rules that we create are simple cosmetics. They look nice, but don't solve the real issue(s). I would suggest that not riding alone in an elevator with a person of the opposite sex, even not giving a member of the opposite sex a ride to the airport looks great. But the problems are not who you are friends with. It's where your heart is. Fri, 4 Jun 2010 16:48:07 +0000 http://stuffchristianslike.net/2009/10/630-awkward-opposite-sex-friendships-2/#IDComment78528245