An old but still amazing book is Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. It was the book from decades ago that started the genre of how to improve your marriage by being a better wife from a Christian standpoint. I particularly like the way the book gives concrete actions to take, both internal and external.

I really don't understand Messianic Jews. (who are regarded by real Jews as being Christians) I have only met a few in person, but I have not yet met one who made more than a token effort to observe the Law. Do they keep a kosher kitchen? Do they cook on Shabbat, or do any of the other forbidden types of work?

Christians are not bound by the Law. That was the crucial point of Paul's argument to Peter regarding circumcision of converts in Acts 15. Paul did not think new believers needed to be circumcised or follow the Law, and Paul convinced Peter. That is what began the separation of early Christianity from Judaism.

Me, I am under the Law, no question. I accepted the Covenant at Sinai, and I have a place in the World to Come. Yep, I'm Jewish. Fridays can be pretty hectic, making sure all is ready for Shabbat by sunset. But the Law is not the onerous burden Paul makes it out to be.

I have always held the position that if all the married working women would leave the workforce the resulting labor shortage would cause wages to increase enough to make the single breadwinner household possible again. So many women are working for nearly nothing once you subtract the cost of childcare, transportation and insurance, work wardrobe, work lunches, and other work-related incidentals from their take-home wages. A working wife truly is trying to perform 2 full time jobs. I have been there, and it is so, so hard. I salute the women still in this role for their efforts to do it all. But I also encourage them to sit down and do the hard math. Is a second car needed if she doesn't work? Could they downsize to a smaller home, where the kids might even need to share a bedroom? (Rant of mine; in my generation there were 3.5 kids per family, and mostly 3 bedroom houses with only 1 bathroom, and we learned to share space and think of others) Is her income really making a significant contribution to the family after expenses?

My husband has observed that he is a lot more retired than I am. He doesn't head off to the factory every day anymore, but I am still preparing meals, sweeping the floors, and washing the clothes. It strikes him sometimes as a bit unfair. But he really truly despises most homemaking tasks, while I do not. He is not "handy" around the house, but he IS a classically trained pianist. I'll take sweeping the floor myself while listening to him play Mozart over him sweeping the floor. I can't play Mozart, for one thing. I never expected a husband that would hide in his office for hours a day, doing Secret Stuff, but that gives me uninterrupted time for my sewing and other projects. And when he emerges from his office, he has written a new piece of music, and I heard it grow, like a child, from the initial theme to the finished piece.

A lot of our decision-making is predicated on one thing: to whom does this matter most, or affect the most? We both just really want each other to be happy. And so we both are.

Early in our marriage, my husband and I agreed that he would always be allowed to believe that he is right. You can call it submission, if you want. It means that, if we disagree after a short discussion, I do not pursue it further. This gives him the room to think about things, and sometimes change his mind. A man feels more free to change his mind when somebody else's idea is not being shoved down his throat. Sometimes he does not change his mind. That is fine, too. He heard my opinion and considered it.

A few years ago we moved, to a town where we both wanted to be. I wanted to buy an older house, on some land, and fix it up. He wanted to buy a manufactured home and live In town in a MH park. So, we bought the manufactured home, in town. But in return, he made sure that the home contained what mattered most to me. I still gaze longingly at old Victorian houses, but this home suits our life in a way no older home could.

I agree with Mamabrightowl. Snoring that is severe enough to prevent one's spouse from sleeping is snoring that needs to be medically investigated. Maybe it is not sleep apnea, but a deviated septum, or some other defect easily fixed surgically.

My grandmother snored loudly enough to rattle the windows, and Grandpa was somehow able to sleep with that racket!

This situation looks very much to me like a passive-aggressive response by the wife to controlling behavior by the husband. Leading is one thing; telling somebody else how often to go to the gym or what kind of food to eat is not leading but controlling, or at least attempting to control. Even if it is common sense and for their own good. Any normal person is going to object in some way to efforts at that type of control.

The biggest issue here is how to fix things. The wife is now set in a negative behavior pattern. Him backing off is not going to help, or at least not in the short term. They need to remove themselves from this toxic environment, and spend at least a weekend, maybe several weekends, at some type of Marriage Encounter with good Christian counselors who will be able to help both of them see through the eyes of the other and learn new, more positive, ways to communicate and relate to each other.

He needs to cede control of the everyday running of the home to her. When she feels more in control of her life, she will be able to break out of the passive-aggressive cycle. Notice I said everyday running of the home: what and when to cook dinner, how to dress and feed the children, the laundry and dishes and housework. Her choices may not be the ones her husband would prefer, but this is her domain. She will at times need his help, as in telling a teen daughter that she can not leave the house in THAT outfit. He can mention preferences, but it has to be given in a way that leaves the decision to her. He still has control over budget and other major decisions.

When you love another person, you desire their happiness. When two people each desire to make the other happy you have a very happy home indeed. I am well spoiled by my husband, who thinks that I need the right tools to do my job, as he needs the right tools to do his. In turn, he is well spoiled by me, cooking his favorite meals and making sure he never runs out of clean socks or underwear, which is a big thing for him.

There is a lot of this going around in rural Michigan. Google Barry and Eaton counties, and the constitutional sheriff movement. These are not groups trying to circumvent CCW laws. These are basically private armies being assembled to be answerable only to the sheriff/police chief, with the goal of resisting the state or US government in any attempt to enforce state or federal law. They say it is to keep Obama from confiscating their guns, but it is really about personal power and trying to control the populace. They are the epitome of the militarized police. Why does a county whose largest city has a population of barely 7000 need an MRAP and grenade launchers?