I wish I could like this comment a million times.

(PS: my partner always rolls his eyes at me when I yell "SHUT UP DAWN" during basically every episode but especially during the musical -- especially especially when she quotes Buffy's line back at her in that horrible whiny lame pathetic parody…you know what I mean. And then we learned that there used to be cult screenings of the musical a la Rocky Horror where one of the audience instructions was to yell "SHUT UP DAWN!" in certain situations. I still feel gleeful, and vindicated (though devastated that these screenings are no longer held).)

In conclusion, Dawn is the worst. THE WORST. It is known.

Plus, you TOTALLY SHOULD look a gift horse in the mouth. That's just common sense. The whole point is to find out the horse's age, and if someone's just passing off their ancient horse on you as a "gift" so that now you get to pay its board and absurdly expensive vet bills and so on, well, really, that someone isn't much of a friend and gift horses ain't cheap, people. Which is why you should also conduct a thorough investigation for flaws & blemishes. Or maybe just don't trust people who sort of sidle up to you and are like, "Hey girl, I heard you like horses, here's a gift horse," and then drop the lead rope and run.

(Oh god why am I writing all this again? I think it's funny and I've always wanted to vent about that really horrible dumb aphorism, but probably no one else on here is going to think it's funny, and what's my childhood trauma with gift horses, anyway. Oh great here I go making it worse. Shut up self shut up shut up shut uuuup!)

Oh wow, this hit just a little too close to home. (Except for the whole "being able to find a new sport and things slowly getting better" part, anyway.) Expresses everything I've wanted to but couldn't. Thank you!

grad student here: except that those five appetizer platters would be consumed all in one sitting + cheap wine out of the bottle (box?) and flavored with tears post-advisor meeting. or long day of grading. or, you know, life.

wait, for real? jello chocolate pudding is vegan? you may have just…. changed my life, forever.

dessert? I'm pretty sure you've just described my daily breakfast.
(#bestlife)

yes! that is my favorite! plus, added bonus: when I reach the 'guilt' stage of consumption which comes slightly before the 'comatose' stage, I can reassure myself that it's basically just tofu = protein = healthy. win!

yessssss so good! I usually just do this for whipped cream (w/ powdered sugar) but now I realize it would be the perfect companion to tofu chocolate pudding (in a 1:1 ratio, of course).

Confession: my entire life is basically a quest to create and consume the vegan equivalent of Infinite Pudding.
(Also Infinite Mac n Cheeze.)

My mom used to have this qh mare who was technically palomino, but really sort of a light-sand color with only slightly lighter-sand-colored mane/tail, so she just looked like a palomino with a pee-stained tail.

(It didn't help that she often peed all over her tail. I've spent more hours than I care to remember washing pee out of that horse's tail and then dousing the whole thing with quicksilver -- not mercury, for you non-horse folks, just this super-expensive purple shampoo to make horses white parts whiter. Also bleaching it. But that's all another story.)

So, naturally, we couldn't just buy her a regular palomino white tail, because that would look fake as hell next to her natural pee hue. (Granted, all horses with fake tails look fake, but there's a fine line between necessary-fake and absurd-fake. AQHA shit is super weird.) We had to get her a custom tail, which was the most ridiculously finicky thing in the world (there is -- or was? -- an AQHA rule that when using fake tails you can only have horse hair touching horse hair, so there were tons of little braids you had to work into braids in the real tail and work those into larger braids and so on). And then of course we (I) had to make sure the fake tail and the real tail stayed the same color, so I was doing the whole washing/quicksilvering/bleaching routine on both tails instead of one. And yes, fake tail curling is basically the most embarrassing thing in the world, so afterwards I'd have to put this conditioner in it and comb it even more obsessively gently than you comb the real tail because heaven forbid you pull out any hairs, and basically supervise it while it dried, sifting through the hairs with my fingers to prevent tangling/curling.

Anyway the point is that I did all this for years before ever stopping to think about how completely absurd it all was. And fake tails, yes.