hi! i read this a week ago and mountain computer would not let me comment.

this post gave me so much hope. not really for me, but for so many others.

i felt really happy reading it.
My recent post can’t talk now…

i'm so happy for you that you put this out, put it out there... (where?) ((out of you!))
My recent post can’t talk now…

i'm so sorry!
My recent post flying away…

exactly- whole post. especially the footnote. he and i pass like ships in the night so often that daily inventory is lost. even the, "how was your day," can be ruined by an inopportune diaper change.

we do have a lot going for us. i just need him to extend his power and control into a new realm for him. psychotherapy. and it's not an easy thing for him.

i do love him. that's what no one wants to understand. that's the cliche of all battered women. here, in my thirties, i live a live with remarkably few regrets. there is something to be said for that. my therapist has left me with a great deal to think about for the next two weeks. but, i have chosen and will continue to be socially battered for staying with my man, (a dear, broken boy) for staying... and i don't even fool myself with a white horse fantasy. i'm not strong enough to change anyone, much less save them. i just happen to believe in him and i know, like no one else can, where his heart really lies and what it's greatest desire is. anyway-

i think that the bottom line is: marriage isn't easy. it has realms and voids and capacities beyond any other human interaction. couple that with the daily stress that we all incur and hang on... if you can... very tight. and in my use of the term marriage i would like it to be known that i include not currently legal domestic partnerships and even live in relationships. human interaction on this amazingly and almost species exclusive magnitude is a tremendous accomplishment of civilized culture, which we all know is contrary to our animal needs and desires.

this dichotomy will always prevail when one endeavors into a social partnership with the gravity of marriage or cohabitation or even child rearing with no regard to traditional roles or responsibilities. we will always fall short of this god-blessed institution, because if we didn't- what use would there be in being human in the first place. our entire existence is darwin like evolution. our social progress is the real work now within our civilization as opposed to deciding how many toes we really find necessary in order to protect ourselves.

i could go on, but it would detract from your post.

you sum it up perfectly though. we are each doing the daily work that we must do. to realize how much more complicated this is in comparison to 50 years ago is really a great revelation. let's give ourselves a break.

we're all doing the best we can.
My recent post tea for two

i'm really happy that you are responding to treatment. try to do other, obvious things, while you recover. drink a lot of clean water. bulk up on vitamin D3. has to be 3. check fda website for current recommendations. then double that. if you aren't already taking wild salmon oil for your depression or other health issues, it's ripe time to begin. mrsa can take a long time to get over. my father, much more infirmed and far older, spent half a year fighting to keep one of his hands after an iv gave him this lovely bug. take good care and remember that a good sense of humor can be the best medicine at times.

i'll be leaving on a jet plane tomorrow for my half of the hypothetically divorced vacation. internet will be spotty at best. i'll be thinking of you and please continue to take great care of yourself.

My recent post tea for two

an ex of mine complained of these symptoms and i went through them with him long before they had come up with a name and anagram for this. if i understand it correctly, it may be related to parkinson's disease in some way because the same drugs used on parkinson's patients are used on RLS patients. my father was misdiagnosed with parkinson's (FIRST in 50 wrong DX's) and was terribly affected by the medication he received.

however, my ex, probably would have been so well for having taken it. i've experienced what they talk about in the commercials. last night, because i've had two bad falls in as many weeks, i kept having the "falling-wake up-catch yourself" dream. i mean about 10 times. the only thing that could lull me back into tortured sleep was shaking a foot off the side of the bed. sometimes my legs bother me for no reason. sometimes i seem to have absolutely no blood circulation to my hands or feet and wake over and over again to sleeping limbs.

i have no doubt that the symptoms you describe are real and i have seen a person go through them in tremendous pain sometimes and annoying discomfort at others.

i can't imagine the pharmacological stuff involved with treating depression, anxiety and RLS. it seems like you're doing really well... other than the staph. i mean really, overall.
My recent post crash landing

i know just what you mean. depression does take a physical toll.
My recent post crash landing

what an amazing event! how brave of you all!

i certainly have family memories, but they aren't anything like this. i can think of so many things nothing like this. thank you for sharing this.

you guys are a band of heros.
My recent post OH! NO! my epiphone…

and that can be so freeing also. i think it means a lot to people to be identified with their work. it goes both ways. it's really a matter of preference.

i certainly don't think blogging anonymously can be equated to holding anything back beyond, perhaps, your name. (giggle)

the important thing is to get the message out that you are intending to, right? what on earth could make it less valuable if you don't pen your name at the end of it?

the internet can also be a dangerous place. some people may not want future employers, ex boy/girlfriends or family members to be able to google them so easily. for battered women, for one example, the need for anonymity may be a matter of life or death.

just some more thoughts...

no shame in being nameless for me.