Godspeed! What a perfect day to Take to the Sea(TM). This comment--like this post and this thread and this entire website--fills me with jubilant optimism.

Okay but you guys, who decided to put this in the "advice" tag?? Because just when I thought I couldn't possibly be more grateful to the Toast, this happened: http://the-toast.net/category/advice/.

I love all of you, and I can't imagine a more fitting coda. Too witches forever.

Nikki, you are THE GREATEST. I remember reading that beautiful essay about your grandmother, but didn't realize it was you--which seems appropriate for a piece about temporal displacement and memories.

Everyone is allowed to cry at work as much as they want this week, I have decreed it, it is law.gif.

Ahh, thanks for commenting! I like Ester's idea for an Official Roundtable, but one way or another I'll definitely be emailing you.

And to everyone else, thanks so much for all the comments and encouragement. Refreshing this page has brought me much joy, and I plan on revisiting it whenever I'm having a dark night of the soul.

Duly noted, and thanks for the link (I love s.e. smith). I've been trying to purge ableist language from my vocabulary--not always successfully despite my best efforts--but for some reason I always forget that term has a deeper past than the '80s/Valley Girl/Clueless context I associate it with. Which is not intended as an excuse, just some context for why I'm especially grateful to you for flagging it.

I blew right past that,* and I'm supposed to be the official designated pedant in this space, so mea culpa.

*I blew past it so completely that I missed it again in your quotation--at first I thought you were calling out the arguable redundancy of "currently working" vs. just "working." Apparently I have article blindness.

Yeah, I'd like that conversation to happen too--but it's tough, mainly because the coworker's behavior has already signaled their resistance to "competent-lady solidarity."

I think things *could* go in that direction after the initial "hey, could you stop please?" if the momaging really did come from a well-meaning (if misguided) attempt to help the LW. I could even see them bonding over this, having it become a running joke, etc.

But all of that would assume the office-mate actually had the potential to Get It and stop being so overbearing, and it's impossible for me to judge that from afar.

Aw, shucks. Thank YOU!!

I'm absolutely aware that not everyone can discern the social acceptability of their behavior, and I try to take that into account in my interactions with other people. But you're right that I have no way of knowing where LW1's colleague is coming from beyond what's in the letter.

It's always smart for neurotypical people to consider how other people might be processing things differently, so thanks for weighing in and offering another perspective.

I'm so sorry this isn't coming across well! Obviously I'm coming from a neurotypical perspective, and I appreciate that you're fleshing things out by sharing your own experiences.

With that metaphor, I was trying to convey that you negotiate a lot of differences in a workplace: people with different interests, personalities, working styles, etc. Usually the best course of action is to just live and let live, but that can be more difficult if your coworkers' differences are putting you in an uncomfortable position. If your discomfort is getting to the point where it's impacting your ability to get along with that person, then it's probably best to try addressing it somehow.

It was a flawed metaphor though, because diet/fitness evangelism is pretty much always obnoxious in a professional setting, while figure skating (or any other passion) is not.

And in the case of LW1's colleague, they're probably unaware of how they're coming across regarding this whole "boss is so great" thing, so negotiating it appropriately will really depend on the dynamic between the two of them and a cost/benefit analysis between maintaining the status quo vs. potential awkwardness from making it A Thing.

I hope that helps. I'm definitely in agreement that you should consider any particular coworker behavior in the context of the whole person, and err on the side of inclusivity/acceptance/etc.