Oh, I love this.
Wilson, '07
I will hunt you down like the ungrateful Giving Tree boy you are
I choose to believe this is a shout-out to me: occasional commenter; one-time contributor; religiously devoted lurker and reader of The Toast.
Advice: It is OKAY and SMART and GREAT to say to your partner/whoever "TAKE THIS MONSTER BEFORE I FLING IT OUT A WINDOW." Sometimes you may want to fling it out a window! You will not be a bad parent for needing a break, you will be a WISE parent for taking one.
I worked with kids in Texas for five years, and they are absolutely taught to say "ma'am," at least. When I'd prompt for "yes, please," I'd actually get "yes, ma'am" more often. It is not something I was ever expected to say growing up in California, nor do I hear it from the kids in Minnesota I'm currently working wit.
I suspect this is not about name length! I bet, with no knowledge of your husband whatsoever, there is some hidden patriarchy business lurking in the back of his head somewhere that even he isn't sure about? Which is why things have gotten so heated you're sleeping in separate places? Which is all to say that, if that's the case, there is literally no point in arguing about whether the name is too long (it's not, as everyone has said, it's not remotely unusual to have four names and children will. not. care. unless one of them rhymes with a swear word), because that's not the real issue.
PS: We discussed doing something similar with our son--Firstname Middlename Mylastname Hislastname--and ended up with Firstname Mylastname Hislastname. I kind of regret it? I wish I'd fought harder to hyphenate, but by the time we had to make a final decision, I was tired and just wanted to hold my baby. So this anonymous internet person supports you pushing for the name you want!
I work with kids--including lots of high-need kids who are not inclined to obedience--and have a toddler, and so I've read and thought a lot about how to get compliance from children. I've also heard this argument a lot, and the thing is: immediate obedience is necessary SO RARELY that the benefit of creating a whole family/classroom culture around it isn't worth the cost. How do I keep kids who are careening toward the street out of it? With my FREEZE voice. It is big and startling in part because I ONLY use it to keep kids out of imminent danger. And in a decade it has only failed me once, with a kid who had a literal behavior disorder and needed more specialized care than I could offer.
Edited to add: SPANKING WOULD NOT HAVE IMPROVED THAT KID'S BEHAVIOR EITHER.
So many, all of the things, but also: email surveys? Hundreds of A-or-B style questions that you traded around with your friends? And they were exciting because maybe a couple of the questions approached the risque level of "boxers or briefs"? I may still have some printed out copies of those in the back of my childhood bedroom closet.
Both willing to spend hours drinking iced coffee very slowly while disparaging other friends’ boyfriends.
Wait, if this isn't real, then I have zero friends, and possibly zero spouse.
In the past 13 years, I've been on a bunch of different pills, and I never had any negative symptoms until this most recent brand*. On most of them, my period dried up completely! It was like magic! Meaning, there are A LOT of different kinds and they are sometimes miraculous, so I wouldn't say that it's definitely not working for your body after trying one kind. THAT SAID, fooling around with your body chemistry repeatedly is definitely exhausting, so I understand why you wouldn't want to spend months wrestling with this.
*Going to the doctor today to fix that, yaaaay
There was a point at which I (joyfully) threw up my hands and said, "WHELP, this wedding is happening now, whether or not all the placecards get printed!" It was extremely liberating and made the million tiny last-minute details much less stressful.
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superfluous consonants 
Branch