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When I met Ted I just knew it was right. Can't explain it. And I still paid for my sin. I got pregnant before we got married. My mother was so mortified that she didn't tell ANY of her friends I was 6 1/2 months pregnant walking down the aisle. I was almost 29! She also didn't purchase any wedding pictures unless it was from the neck up. Really. Thing is the dress I where, by sheer coincidence, hid my tummy. At the reception a friend of my parents leaned in & whispered "don't do anything I wouldn't do" on our honeymoon. Told him it was a little late for that. He looked so confused!! Ha! I also had no wedding shower or baby shower. My friends gave me a baby shower after Amanda was born. My mother was too embarrassed. Oh, well. Now you can see why she disliked my husband so!!
She looked at sex as dirty. Not sinful. She stopped church when I was in 5th or 6th grade. After her affair. It's when she really changed. And not for the better. And I still loved her. I didn't always like her, but somehow I loved her.
I shared this on Alece's post yesterday, but it speaks to me right now. Matthew West wrote "Yesterday does not define me". And looking back always shaves my time in this world by a little. I don't ignore it, but I try to move on & not stay there until it overwhelms me!
And in June we will celebrate 25 years. 25! Wish it could have made my mom just a little happy for me. Just a little.
And it all comes down to the argument in my head about whether I'm good at what I do. Hearing my mother's voice telling me I'm not. Hearing my voice saying I am. Listening for God to tell me what I already know!! I AM!!!!
May the last chapter flow & tie it all together. For you. For your readers. You are going to change lives. (well, you & God)
"It’s time to forgive yourself too!" rings loud & clear for me, too. I was listening to a Women of Faith blurb on KLove yesterday & it said something along those same words. I still struggle with hanging on to the guilt of my addiction. It no longer consumes me, but I still have a sense of "if only". That's just not healthy for me. These struggles women have in common, blows me away. Like your definitions the other day. Our stories may be different, but the common thread is that we are survivors. Because Jesus died for us some 2000 years ago. He died for MY sin of addiction. He died for MY sins. Period. I am forgiven. I am loved. I am a survivor.
I once thought anyone I would meet in a computer chat room was creepy.
Thank goodness that hasn't happened. Yet. :)
Love to listen to the heart & passion Kass brings with her voice. One of these days, when I get a job, I am going to travel across OR & come hear you in person!! Thanks for making my day.
Just catching up on blogs. While in TX I sometimes kept up with twitter, but mostly not. Dad does not have internet or a computer. So I'm just seeing about Brent today! Praying he tolerates the new meds, etc. I love your one-words. Clarity. Discipline. I need both so badly, but I think perseverance is my one word. Starting with learning how to spell it without using Merriam-Webster!
You & your family rock my life and my recovery. Thanks! (p.s. You & Brent where in my top follower/stalker stats, who would have thought!)
I, too, quit drugs cold turkey. 1233 days ago. Recovery brought me back to God. God brought me to the internet! I applaud you for being able to stop at your age. I see people every day that have carried their secrets for 40 years. Hidden behind drugs, alcohol, and self-abuse. The common denominator is the desire to heal. Some are so broken, they see no way to live in a "normal" world.
For a long time after finishing outpatient treatment, I couldn't tell my story. I was so full of shame & guilt. The goody-two shoes girl who never even smoked pot or drank. A drug addict at 50! And I am a pharmacist. That doesn't sit too well with licensing boards! But, I stand strong. I have to tell my story. Especially to co-workers. It's about accountability. And trust. And I find it easy to write about on others' blogs! That common denominator of God and His healing.
And I feel like I am somehow paying it forward. You never know what you say that may touch someone who has the same story! We ARE all shining stars. And God knows us by name.....
Will. Work. For. Food.