Regretfully, I was born in AZ. Looking at my "Certificate of Live Birth" it seems I'm ineligible to run for president because there's nothing on it that would "THE NAMES OF THE CANDIDATE’S MOTHER AND FATHER, INCLUDING INFORMATION SUFFICIENT TO DETERMINE THE CITIZENSHIP OF BOTH PARENTS,". There's a space for my parent's place of birth, but no their citizenship.

Then again, this can't be my birth certificate since it doesn't say "Birth Certificate" on it. Fuck all these years I've been using this thing to pass myself off as an American citizen and even convinced the State Department to give me a passport.