en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/2293455 Comments by kimberlycreates http://www.margothovley.com/2011/05/10/drawing-outside-the-lines/#IDComment151036514 Holy cow. That hit a nerve. Thank you for sharing that! Wed, 11 May 2011 16:53:11 +0000 http://www.margothovley.com/2011/05/10/drawing-outside-the-lines/#IDComment151036514 http://sundaykoffron.blogspot.com/2011/02/it-was-day-exactly-like-today.html#IDComment126305150 Oh geesh! I'm so glad she made it! I tried to follow the links at the bottom of the page, but they aren't working. Did you ever find out what had happened? Sun, 6 Feb 2011 14:17:03 +0000 http://sundaykoffron.blogspot.com/2011/02/it-was-day-exactly-like-today.html#IDComment126305150 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/02/spontaneous-bouts-of-emotion.html#IDComment125462990 I have serious concerns about you just stopping your meds, but I understand your concerns too. Have you talked to your therapist about this? I think this is important enough to call or email her. She might suggest that you at least take the meds every other day rather than just stopping cold turkey. I don't know what your current rx is, but in my experience, you usually need to be 'weaned' off of the meds rather than just stopping them outright. Hang in there Campbell. ((hugs)) Wed, 2 Feb 2011 16:53:00 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/02/spontaneous-bouts-of-emotion.html#IDComment125462990 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/baggage.html#IDComment124729836 They did switch your meds? If so, I'm glad to hear that. Things may be a bit rocky at first as your body withdraws from the old med and gets used to the new one. The highs and lows you're experiencing may just be part of that process and should level out. Make sure to tell your therapist and psych about that -- whether they level out or not. I'm not your mom, but I will tell anyway, your life is worth living sweetie, and you are contributing so much more than you know right now. Hang in there and keep writing and keep talking. ((hugs)) Sun, 30 Jan 2011 15:30:40 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/baggage.html#IDComment124729836 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/mistake.html#IDComment123350554 Not sure if it matters, but I'm not going anywhere. Mon, 24 Jan 2011 01:15:38 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/mistake.html#IDComment123350554 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/i-went-to-therapy.html#IDComment122640311 I understand what you're saying. I used to write poetry that made people worry, but writing it made it better. Please do me a favor though. Print this out and put it in your pocket: You matter, more than you know. Your leaving would leave a hole in the world, no matter how small you think that hole would be. I understand how having a plan helps you hang on a little bit longer. I really do get that. Please do me a second favor though? Please add this to your plan: Call somebody first, and don't stop calling until you talk to a live human being. That will help me to feel less worried. I'm glad you went back, and that you decided to keep going back despite how betrayed you feel. ((hugs)) Fri, 21 Jan 2011 02:36:00 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/i-went-to-therapy.html#IDComment122640311 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/is-this-beginning.html#IDComment120123683 ::hugs:: You're not her, sweetie. You know what this sounds like to me? Good old fashioned PTSD, not schizophrenia. Have you tried talking to your therapist about switching your meds if you don't feel they're helping? I'm sorry you're having such a tough time right now. It must be so frustrating and you sound like you feel so hopeless it hurts. I know the feeling, believe me. Different circumstances, yes; same hurt and hopelessness. Lots of cyberhugs and prayers and hopeful thoughts are coming your way. Sat, 8 Jan 2011 02:43:18 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/is-this-beginning.html#IDComment120123683 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/struggling.html#IDComment119705173 Make that two people praying for you. ;^) Wed, 5 Jan 2011 21:41:17 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/struggling.html#IDComment119705173 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/struggling.html#IDComment119627350 Hang in there kiddo. ((hugs)) I've struggled with the blogging boundaries too, so I hear ya. I've found that when I do my private journalling regularly, it's easier to maintain blogging boundaries that I feel comfortable with. For me, I *need* to get all this stuff in my head out. There are times that I literally can't sleep at night if I don't write everything down. I have gotten out of bed just to journal, and once my journalling was done, I was able to sleep again. In fact, the night before last, I had stayed up too late and didn't have time to journal before going to bed. I ended up spending about thirty minutes laying in bed debating whether or not to get up and journal -- and I wish I had. I kept telling myself it was too late, but that thirty minutes that I spent debating it in my head, I could have spent writing in my journal instead. Sometimes I call it detoxxing my brain. Just getting it out and onto paper makes it easier to let go -- at least long enough to get to sleep. :) I found this nifty little site too, 750words.com where I do my journalling online, but it's kept private. You might want to check it out. Wed, 5 Jan 2011 12:58:26 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/struggling.html#IDComment119627350 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/open-letter-to-my-former-mother.html#IDComment119570217 *hugs* I'm so sorry that Maggie freaked out when she read whatever was in your diary, and that she let someone talk her into not taking you back home. *hugs* Wed, 5 Jan 2011 04:07:00 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/open-letter-to-my-former-mother.html#IDComment119570217 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/dear-maggie-part-1_02.html#IDComment119228555 Ouch. ::hugs:: Raw is right. It will be interesting to see what she has to say, if anything. I hated one of my kids' birthmother because she never protected our daughter. She knew what was going on, and she didn't protect her girls. I had a lot of anger, and she didn't even really do anything to me. In fact, in a sad way, I benefited from her poor decisions. I guess what I'm trying to say is I understand your anger, and as a foster mom, I'm glad to see you're able to articulate it. I've met that birthmom since then, and have grown to like her. She's personable and sweet, and I understand now that she was too wounded herself to do the right thing at the time. I've let go of my anger at her, and it's been freeing, and allowed me to see her for who she is. You've got a right to be angry and I'm glad to see you articulate it. I hope that one day you can be free of it too. ::hugs:: Hang in there kiddo. Mon, 3 Jan 2011 01:44:00 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/dear-maggie-part-1_02.html#IDComment119228555 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/exactly.html#IDComment119187071 So very true. Sun, 2 Jan 2011 18:34:43 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2011/01/exactly.html#IDComment119187071 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/broken-windows-and-dog-nappers.html#IDComment118318561 So glad you got her back!! Tue, 28 Dec 2010 02:42:00 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/broken-windows-and-dog-nappers.html#IDComment118318561 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/screwed-up.html#IDComment117751755 She's right, you know. We're all effed up. Every single one of us. Some of us are more screwed up than others, and some of us are better at hiding it or dealing with it, but we are all screwed up. I am. I could give you a litany of reasons and ways that I am screwed up. You're not alone in your screwed-up-ed-ness. "The truth is I really do screw up in life--often. I can't blame anyone but myself for those screw ups." This is also true of everyone else. Everybody screws up. You wanna know a secret though? There's a difference between saying, "Yeah, I screwed up" and "I'm a total screw-up." "I screwed up" is accepting responsibility for what happened. "I'm a total screw-up" is toxic self-blame. It's normal to blame yourself up for screwing up. Some of us are better at letting go of self-blame than others though. Some people have to work harder at learning how to let go of self-blame. I know I do! People like your bio, they're different. They can't say "I screwed up" or "I'm a total screw up" instead, they point fingers and blame everybody else. You're better than her in that way. I'm guessing that you learned your toxic self-blame from her. She could never be mature enough to say "I screwed up" -- she had to blame somebody else, so she picked you, and you believed her. I love the image you picked for this one, by the way! Hang in there kiddo. ::hugs:: Fri, 24 Dec 2010 03:29:54 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/screwed-up.html#IDComment117751755 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/i-need-you-to-love-me-enough-to-leave.html#IDComment117351283 (((hugs))) It breaks my heart that she does this to you. I know it's easy to say "She's not sane, don't listen to her" and yet it's so hard to stop wanting to be loved by her all the same. Wed, 22 Dec 2010 02:48:54 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/i-need-you-to-love-me-enough-to-leave.html#IDComment117351283 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/another-email-from-my-mother.html#IDComment117350185 There is nothing wrong with you. A mother should love her child. What could an innocent, defenseless baby do to make her mother hate her? Nothing. A sane woman would have loved you from the moment you were born. A sane woman would have told you she loved you. A sane woman would never do the things to her child that your bio has done to you. A sane woman would never send her child this kind of message -- EVEN IF she truly was happy to be rid of you. A sane woman would just let sleeping dogs lie. Your bio (I won't even call her your mother) is not sane. Try this: Buy a pad of sticky notes. On each one, write the phrase "My bio is not sane." Stick them everywhere. On your bathroom mirror. On your car dashboard. In your wallet. On the fridge. On the kitchen cabinets. But most especially, stick them all over your computer screen. She is not sane. A sane woman would not do this to her child. Wed, 22 Dec 2010 02:40:04 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/another-email-from-my-mother.html#IDComment117350185 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/percolated-ovaries.html#IDComment117027637 Figured it out -- they're probably looking for perforated, not percolated. Mon, 20 Dec 2010 22:01:40 +0000 http://percolatedparadox.blogspot.com/2010/12/percolated-ovaries.html#IDComment117027637