en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/1070958 Comments by joy21 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/06/landslide-that-brought-me-down.html#IDComment372184560 She is, isn't she? That is the perfect word for her,a firework. Sat, 2 Jun 2012 03:24:09 +0000 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/06/landslide-that-brought-me-down.html#IDComment372184560 http://daughterslost.blogspot.ca/2012/05/other-daughters.html#IDComment370854724 I have always loved the name Georgia Thu, 31 May 2012 05:41:32 +0000 http://daughterslost.blogspot.ca/2012/05/other-daughters.html#IDComment370854724 http://daughterslost.blogspot.com/2012/05/im-not-your-sweetie-whats-point-in.html#IDComment370072689 Totally! I just macroagress right back. I remember one time someone saying to me in a fight "you are being passive-aggressive" and I shouted, " What is passive about me shouting at you? This is naked aggression and it is coming to you right now!" Because he was uncomfortable with a female being direct. He was trying to remind me to be passive. I was a waitress for years, oh the things people say to you---I used to like to call them sweetheart right back, if you do it in the right tone they laugh nervously, look confused and stop. Another thing that works, that I told Mei-Ling already one time, is to tell them you are going to do them a favor and make out like you didn't understand them. Oh life, it is so busy with itself. Wed, 30 May 2012 06:56:55 +0000 http://daughterslost.blogspot.com/2012/05/im-not-your-sweetie-whats-point-in.html#IDComment370072689 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/another-avengers-interpretation-your.html#IDComment365842932 Actually no, quim isn't really offensive to most women, I can't be offended by a word I don't understand or don't have a history of being used against me. The word bitch is most often a term of endearment so while I could make a case for that being an offensive word, it isn't to me. You seem really passionate about language, maybe you should study linguistics so you have a better handle on its limitations and its power. Language is fluid, ever changing, I see you really struggling to identify with the adopter class, or the non-adopted class.. That is normal. I mean who wants to face familial rejection, talk about painful shit. Marginalized people do this all the time, look at the Tea Party, mostly poor and ignorant but out of desperate fantasy identify with rich and powerful. Lots of adoptees go through this phase, sadly some never find themselves because they are too weak. I would actually say most don't out of weakness and perverse loyalty to a system that treated them like hamburger meat. Wed, 23 May 2012 17:23:55 +0000 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/another-avengers-interpretation-your.html#IDComment365842932 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/another-avengers-interpretation-your.html#IDComment365503619 Oh you are the sweetest Amanda, but it is really not a sad feeling for me. Oh for sure I have lots of sad feelings around my relinquishment/adoption/ subsequent relationships that fall under those umbrellas. Maybe it is my age, Idk, I do experience a yearning often when people speak of their families, even when they are not fucked up, wistfully, what is it like to really have an auntie or an uncle? Idk. I love the people that are in my life, I am happy most of the time and am grateful for the life I live. I really enjoy your commentary and learn a lot from you. much love. Wed, 23 May 2012 05:35:27 +0000 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/another-avengers-interpretation-your.html#IDComment365503619 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/another-avengers-interpretation-your.html#IDComment365499693 See,that is what I don't get,this SBC2130882098 person, wants to argue what? Perspective? The avengers is not a movie I will be watching, because Idk, never go to movies like that. I do like Wolverine, I don't care if Hugh Jackrabbit or whatever he calls himself plays him. Norse mythology is a big part of my personal culture and I find it utterly bewildering that they are being grouped in with some kind of league of super-friends. I do identify with the comment though. I have kind of made similar ones myself. A while back I was at a party with my amom and and said something that caused one of her good friends to exclaim, "She is YOUR daughter?" I laughed and said, 'noooooooo!' just meaning that I don't have her nature. My amom put her hand on my arm, and said, "Yes, she is!" Which I didn't like as much because it made me think her need to claim me was insecurity, while my freedom to be me, was freedom. It is all perspective. I have heard of people who are not in heteronormative relationships who want to discourage that kind of labeling at all, which I can understand, people can be fluid. I have had other friends who have yelled things like, "Well you know me, I am a giant faggot!" In a way that is freeing them from their restrictive christian background. I have relatives who are part black and don't identify with the term "African-American" and ask me "What is wrong with being black? I like myself, just don't call me colored because I am not an Easter egg" At the end of the day, I don't really care HOW you self-identify. Well there are times I care, like my next blog post, but if you find it real and affirming, I am happy to support you. While I may have a different reaction, while I may think it is a good opportunity to talk to an adoptee about adoption if they were beside me, I have a tendency to like those kind of comments as they are what people say when they think adoptees are out of ear-shot. As a marginalized population, like over-weight people, they can't see us. Just as fat jokes are okay, because 'fat people don't count' so are adoptees. I have been in a movie audience where I was horrified at the other patrons laughter. The movie was "Happiness" and the scene was where the little boy confronts his father about raping his friend and asks why his father wasn't attracted to him. That is the punch line of the scene. It was too much for me. Luckily, I was with 4 other people who were like-minded and it comforted me to hear their stony silence as well. That usually doesn't happen for adoptees. I respect that you and Triona feel the way you do and think that is interesting information for me to mull over even if I am not sure I would feel the same way. I feel no desire to impose my experience on you. I think SBC, what is that, Southern Bell Co.? + lots of numbers is doth protesting too much. Sounds like it struck a very scary nerve for this poster with many exciting numbers behind their name. Maybe if they beat you down, into submission, he/she/numerical it, will not have to be afraid anymore. It usually doesn't work like that though. So welcome adoptee with the phone company name and affection for the numerical, I have it too. You too can free yourself from the fear,but first you have to get on the scariest ride of your life. Facing the facts of your own life, you go through plenty of downs but you can hit delightful heights, including but not limited failing to be threatened by people who view their experiences differently than you do. It is like they have their own thoughts inside their own bodies and it is really fun to witness. Before the correctors, I can hear their lips smacking from here, correct. Let me do a pre-emptive correction, you my dear ladies wanting to correct, talk about OTHER PEOPLE'S experiences. Sorry to bust out all caps-lock on your tired asses,but simply must. Wed, 23 May 2012 05:28:49 +0000 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/another-avengers-interpretation-your.html#IDComment365499693 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/another-avengers-interpretation-your.html#IDComment364531648 Interesting, I not feel like a real member of any family. I think my adoptive family loves me but I am adopted. I have a different nature. My nfamily can't face themselves and so scapegoat me. Mon, 21 May 2012 18:45:10 +0000 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/another-avengers-interpretation-your.html#IDComment364531648 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/just-when-i-thought-i-was-brilliant-it.html#IDComment359355429 Really beautifully told. Sat, 12 May 2012 19:24:19 +0000 http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2012/05/just-when-i-thought-i-was-brilliant-it.html#IDComment359355429 http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2012/04/open-letter-to-circle-of-moms-adoptive.html#IDComment341925421 Oh I absolutely don't believe it. Society will see your children as unwanted, unlovable, and yes bastards. That is part of the magic of adoption. Your personal desires only go so far. Trust me, I have actually lived it. If you have every shut your mouth when adoption comes up and not inserted your own story, as I have many times, you will be horrified to hear what people have to say about us when they think they are ":safe" If you cared, you would listen, adult adoptees wouldn't be in quotes, how does it feel if I put you in quotes, "adoptive moms" "adoptive moms" think they should have a point of view. That is what you just did to us. It is really aggressive. I know you don't see that, or really care so am not going to argue with you. It is just terribly sad to me, that those charged with caring for us are really so hostile. It is so hard to live with us. But I am lucky, I lived through it and made a successful life for myself. God there is really no point,I am speaking about a language that you have no interest in. Why don't people like to listen? I love to listen, I learn so much that way. But carry on, if you ever find yourself on the other end of the cultrural capital remember how you treated us, remember nobody cares. Wed, 18 Apr 2012 16:21:14 +0000 http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2012/04/open-letter-to-circle-of-moms-adoptive.html#IDComment341925421 http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2012/04/open-letter-to-circle-of-moms-adoptive.html#IDComment341626725 Wow, as an adult adoptee who has fought so hard for adoptee-well-being, I can't even describe how painful this post was to read. How utterly disappointing. You are right though, your point of view is not controversial, you won the cultural capital long before either of us were born. This post makes me very sad. Wed, 18 Apr 2012 07:10:11 +0000 http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2012/04/open-letter-to-circle-of-moms-adoptive.html#IDComment341626725 http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2011/05/psychology-today-to-black-women-were.html#IDComment152868406 wow, how disturbing. Good blog response. Tue, 17 May 2011 04:21:03 +0000 http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2011/05/psychology-today-to-black-women-were.html#IDComment152868406 http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010/05/apparently-race-is-not-issue-for-young.html#IDComment74588498 Yes, yes, yes, to everything you have written. My mouth fell open when that silly silly woman explained that racism exists for people over 40. I have a sister who is biracial and is well under 40. Hearing that a boy she was crushing on wouldn't go out with her because he only dates white girls stung me, I can't imagine what it did to her. Or her touching my hair and saying "I want her hair" when she was little. Ouch. Oh her prattling on about being charmed that she was a curiosity and that smug make-me-gag Berkeley on the beach comment. Euuuuuwwwww. Mon, 10 May 2010 19:07:54 +0000 http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010/05/apparently-race-is-not-issue-for-young.html#IDComment74588498