71 comments posted · 3 followers · following 0

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - How To Maintain a Casu... · 1 reply · +4 points

Goddamnit, Doc, how is your timing so excellent all the time? I've only recently gotten involved with this girl, and we're both not particularly sure what 'it' is that we want to go for... So far things have been open and on the level with regard to mine and her expectations and reservations, but I'm still occasionally worried I'm giving off more of a long-term vibe than I'm really emotionally ready for. You provide some excellent talking points that I'll probably try bringing up next time I see her: luckily, direct and honest talks about the nature of this relationships have been a staple of our get-togethers to far.

Personally, I consider the tipping point from 'casual' to 'committed' relationship when at least three lawyers get involved.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - How To Be An Amazing K... · 11 replies · +23 points

See, this is exactly the kind of stuff I keep coming back to this site for. As a 27-year-old man with zero kissing experience, you hit the anxiety nail right on the head. Thanks, Doc.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: Did ... · 2 replies · +3 points

I like 'unassisted'.

Bonus: 'regular missionary quickie' becomes 'unassisted speedrun'.

8 years ago @ EQComics - Mustachio'ed Jones · 1 reply · +3 points

It's so obvious a child could have figured it out. A gloriously mustachioed child.

8 years ago @ EQComics - Mustachio'ed Jones · 1 reply · +10 points

I have to ask: is writing Colonel Mayonnaise's dialogue in any way difficult for you? It's always such an amazing babbling brook of pseudo half-logic; I can see it either being the result of intense scrutiny and re-writing, or just literal just-woken-up dream journal transcriptions.

Do you dream of Colonel Mayonnaise, is really what I suppose I'm asking.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - F*ck Like A Gentleman ... · 0 replies · +19 points

Yeah, this is an important point. If the other party isn't interested, sexually, just keep interacting with them like a cool human being. Maybe they'll change their minds later, and maybe they won't, and both outcomes are totally okay.

Something I had to really learn for myself too is that it's okay to stop interacting with someone you only really have an unreciprocated sexual attaction to. I've been guilty of keeping up half-hearted online interaction with women I only really thought were hot, not interesting, based at least partially on the worry that I'd look like a shallow asshole otherwise. But if there isn't any real ground for friendship there, and there's no sexual attaction, it's really okay to stop talking to that person if you don't find yourself wanting to anymore.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - F*ck Like A Gentleman ... · 1 reply · +15 points

Yeah, exactly! And since everybody is sexy in their own unique way, that means everyone should own their sexuality! I'm glad we're on the same page, here.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: My L... · 1 reply · +7 points

LW1: I'm 27, I only really started applying myself to dating last year or so, and dear Steve do I know what you're going through. The fact that some of my friends seem be able to magic girlfriends out of apparent thin air isn't really helping my slowly building self esteem.

But the viewpoint Doc's answer puts forth has been a topic on this site before, and it's obviously right. Don't compare yourself to the naturally skilled people who've been practicing this stuff for years. Compare yourself to you. Look at the mental blocks you've already surpassed, look at how far you've already come, and look at the improvements you've made to your own life. Which, really, should be your primary focus for doing this stuff: not just 'getting a girlfriend' (like you say, that's not going to magically solve all your issues) but being the best possible you you can be.

You'll get there, and I'll get there, and there'll be high fives at the first resting area.

LW2: I've been in a similar situation with a girl I was crushing on a few weeks back. She kept rescheduling, time and time again, every time with good enough reasons and 'enthusiastic' offers for different times... but at the end of the day, every hangout we had was usually preceded by (basically) weeks of false hope and bartering.

After she straight-up cancelled our last hangout an hour and a half before the appointed time (because of serious family arguments and complete mood breakdown) I suggested that, going forward, she should probably be the one to take the initiative in setting up future stuff. She agreed. And now it's been three weeks or so and I haven't heard from her since. And, oddly, I've been calmer about the situation that I've been for a while.

Point is: it sucks to have to accept that maybe the other person isn't as much into the idea of getting together as you are. But remember that a) I don't think there might be anything you can do to really change that, and b) this Cool Dude will not be the only Cool Dude you will run into during your life. So by all means, keep trying, but don't forget that there are other things you could be spending your time and energy on.

LW3: ...sorry, I got nothing. Doc's advice seems solid?

8 years ago @ EQComics - The Pattern · 1 reply · +3 points

This bodes either well or poorly for everyone else in the room.

8 years ago @ Paging Dr. NerdLove - Ask Dr. NerdLove: Say Yes · 0 replies · +16 points

Doc, I admire your dedication with regards to not using a single Scumbag Brain picture.

LW: Doc's advice is solid, here. Learning to accept that you're intrinsically a cool person is an incredibly hard thing to do for some people: I've watched a friend of mine (struggling with clinical depression) go through the ups and downs of 'I'm garbage' for three years now. But even if you have difficulty seeing what makes you amazing, your beau seems to see it just fine... and so do your friends, from the way you describe their support and enthusiasm.

I know it's never as easy as 'just' that, but it might help to keep something like this in mind: if so many people you seem to like and admire think you're a cool and interesting person, which is more likely? That all of them are either liars or flat-out wrong? Or that your brain is just going for gold in the Dick Olympics?

Typo notifier: 'let's you ride' just under Ryan Hansen.