30 comments posted · 4 followers · following 0

8 years ago @ The Toast - "Remember who your rea... · 0 replies · +5 points

I think you talking about your experience and how reuniting was a positive thing for toy and your family can help current and future adoptive parents gain the confidence to do by their children right. Hopefully more adoptees speak out in the future.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Why the Trend of Adopt... · 0 replies · +1 points

I respectfully disagree

8 years ago @ The Toast - Why the Trend of Adopt... · 0 replies · +1 points

Perhaps I used the term solution incorrectly as I can see how you took it that what. What I meant was if someone or couple doesn't have children adopting is one way of them becoming parents. Thus they would no longer be childless. Yes, the primary focus is and should be about the child's needs. Not every who pursues adopting has the ability to provide a child they adopt with what they need. And that's unfortunate because those kids deserve better.

Though you may have been raised by adults who went through infertility you have as much understanding of what they went through as they do about what it's like to be adopted. As for dealing with the strongest feelings of infertility anyone should deal with them no matter what path the go down. It can have consequences on so many different people and aspects in that couple/person's life. The same can be said for anyone who has dealt with any trauma or loss in their lives. Unfortunately our society is not really empathetic to these people.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Why the Trend of Adopt... · 2 replies · +1 points

I agree with you that Adoption is treated as Plan B for a lot of people who pursue it. To me that is unfair to the child. I couldn't imagine the feeling that I was a back up plan.

I disagree about no one guilting others into adopting from Foster Care. The below comment is exactly that and has nothing to do with unethical behavior in Domestic Infant Adoption:

"We have more than 100k children in US care right now who need permanent homes. Knowing that statistic, one has to wonder why anyone would even consider going the private, domestic infant route or exotic, intercountry route - unless they were in it for the gratification of their own needs/wants, such as the "white Christian saviour" itch, the womb-wet, "as if born to" itch or other entitlement-tinged desire. "

8 years ago @ The Toast - Why the Trend of Adopt... · 4 replies · +1 points

Clearly you have an axe to grind with adoption. No where have I ever said that anyone is entitled to a baby. And I've clearly said that my wife and I aren't pursuing adoption of any kind and that crowd funding for adoption makes me uncomfortable.

I agree with you that adoption should be for children who need families to raise them.

You are wrong that no one is pushing infertiles into adopting. Any time an infertile discloses that they are infertile to someone who asks the "do you have kids" question the "Just Adopt" comes up more times than not. In the adoption community infertiles who are interested in domestic infant adoption are pushed to adopt from Foster Care when the kids in Foster Care have nothing to do with Domestic Infant Adoption. Advocate against Domestic Infant Adoption but don't feel the need to propose an alternative.

I recognize you have issues with adoption and have been hurt by it. I empathize with your pain but realize your pain has nothing to do with my pain or anyone who is infertile's pain. If you care so much about the children in Foster Care waiting to be adopted, perhaps you should open up your heart and home to a child and adopt that child.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Why the Trend of Adopt... · 6 replies · +1 points

This is exactly my point. Pushing infertiles into adopting from Foster Care serves no one and is unfair when no one says this to fertiles.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Why the Trend of Adopt... · 1 reply · +1 points

And I assume you know the difference between having the choice of being able to do something and lacking that ability where you don't have a choice?

8 years ago @ The Toast - Why the Trend of Adopt... · 2 replies · +3 points

Adoptees who are infertile can have a full understanding of what it's like. Those who haven't won't. Just like an Adoptive Parent will never fully understand what it's like to be adopted.

No, adoption and third party reproduction aren't a cure for infertility. But for some people it is a solution for childlessness.

Regardless of how a couple decides to proceed with their lives they must deal with their pain. It has consequences on others in their lives such as spouses, family members and friends. I can speak from personal experience.

8 years ago @ The Toast - Why the Trend of Adopt... · 8 replies · +2 points

My comment makes perfect sense if you have dealt with infertility which I'm assuming you haven't. The "Just Adopt" because there are a ton of kids who need homes gets thrown at infertiles all the time. My point is that fertile people are never told that. Why is it the responsibility of infertiles to save the worlds children?

And BTW I'm infertile and will not be adopting. Why should I be guilted and shamed for not adopting but fertile couples aren't?

8 years ago @ The Toast - Why the Trend of Adopt... · 3 replies · +1 points

Did you have the choice of having kids and if so what did you choose?