I've done several searches and all the adoptees that had an original name beyond Baby have been significant to the mother. In your search for Mr. Greek have you run into a Melanion (or a form of a name Mel)? I've worked with two female adoptees that were named after the birth father. Just a thought. Maybe that's why your mother was so triggered by the question?

Rhegan (@ http://isatinsilentmusing.wordpress.com/) shared The Adoption-Reconstruction Phase Theory with me last week and it shed a new light on many things for me. (more info on The Adoption-Reconstruction Phase Theory (@ http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com/2013/04/a-disc...
One important thing was that ALL the people in the triad are at different phases and when those phases are at odds it is hard to have meaningful communication with each other. While I was searching -- which I often refer to as sleep searching -- I read what you (Deanna and Laura) had to say and it didn't mean much to me -- because I was a "good" adoptee and happy I was adopted. When I found my family of origin I quickly moved to Drowning in Awareness. The pain was all consuming and ignited a rage I had never felt before in my life. If bloggers/FB posts/tweets were positive about adoption it made me even angrier! As I slowly move into Reemerging From Awareness I am able to see others perspectives even if their insensitive comments trigger a deep sadness.

I think we need to educate the adoptee community on the phases and figure out a way to respect the space people need to move through the phases. I really needed a place to express my anger at society and adoption agencies for needlessly taking me away from my family to move forward.

I also think first mothers and adoptive parents needed phases created specifically for them. It makes it easier to have a name for what you are experiencing and be able to identify it in others. I know this won't solve this extremely complex issue but I think it is a first step to building a respectful adoption community.

Honestly, I go to enraged so quickly on this topic. I was recently talking to someone about this who didn't see what the big deal was because from what he could see adoptees are treated just as well as "natural kids" what does it matter what's on their birth certificate?

My point back to him was that if we (adoptees) are just the same as "natural kids" then why are we as labeled with "Adopted Daughter/Son". He didn't understand so I gave him examples of how for example when a celebrity has adopted children (and possibly biological children) it is always pointed out if the children are adopted or not. In fact, looking up one celebrity-- wikipedia listed her 3 biological children by name and then said she adopted 5 other children but did not list their names. Why? We're equal right?

The indifference and duplicity of people enrages me which is bad because I just want to surrender instead of fighting this battle that no one seems to want to join. I feel like the only thing conservatives and liberals can agree on is that adoptees don't NEED their OBC because it would be too hard for others.