34 comments posted · 3 followers · following 0
6 years ago @ The Toast - So Are We Just Not Goi... · 1 reply · +145 points
7 years ago @ The Toast - Tell Me About Your Wor... · 0 replies · +13 points
* Got a free trip to Venice and Rome as part of his college's choir, proceeded to never leave the hotel room for anything but performances and once to buy me a souvenir.
* Wanted to get married immediately on graduation, then move back to Fresno and buy a house, wherein he and his wife would have two children. Two, because he liked his older sister but not his younger sister, so clearly two was the right number for child harmony.
* Offered, when I pointed out I was not into this plan, to fund a summer of the two of us backpacking across Europe. When I pointed out he hated travel and didn't like seeing new places anyway, said it'd be fine because it'd make me happy. This was both sweet and worrisome, given context above.
* In fact, he was generally willing to go to great expense and lengths to do things I was into to give me company, despite having no interest in those things himself. This was, again, both sweet and not a lot of fun for either of us.
The actually bad:
* Would tell me about his Struggles With Porn Addiction, with implication that if I made out with him more he wouldn't be so into porn. When I said I didn't care if he watched porn, he would explain that it was evil, and I should be upset.
* Spoke to me passionately about how nice it was to meet a girl who wanted to wait until marriage for sex. (I was down for that!) Complained to me about people and fictional characters who got all hot and heavy before marriage. Complained to his sister, my best friend at the time, that I was uncomfortable when he wanted to make out, while I was under the impression I was virtuously keeping us from being led into temptation.
* Would be very smug about how nice it was that I didn't wear makeup, and how no woman ever should. (I did not tell him I went without makeup because I was lazy, clumsy, and cheap, not because of any objection to it as a fashion statement.)
* Borrowed my laptop. Dug into my files. Found my embarrassing half-written fanfic, never posted. Confronted me about having written stories in which people were implied to be about to have sex.
* When we finally broke up, gave me a dramatic letter to read, with the middle portion stapled together in case I wasn't ready for the things in that part. This is how it came out that when he talked about his struggles with porn, he meant he hung out on forums where other people posted child porn, which somehow had never been part of the "I should stop watching porn because God disapproves" discussions before. He spoke dramatically about how terrible it was, assured me he wasn't into that stuff anyway--it just always popped up if someone went looking for porn on the internet! honest!--and when I asked him if he had reported it to the authorities, claimed that of course the FBI was constantly monitoring those places anyway because they were so easy to find by accident.
My biggest sign of my own emotional growth during college is that I had the sense to break up with him before graduation.
7 years ago @ The Toast - Movie Yelling With Shr... · 0 replies · +49 points
8 years ago @ The Toast - How to Tell if You’r... · 0 replies · +21 points
But the serial killer ones? I honestly can't remember any of them except for the "...so were they having sex, or was that murder?" one.
8 years ago @ The Toast - How to Tell if You’r... · 2 replies · +49 points
Seriously. Every single time there was a new round of stories to read in class, at least one of them was about serial killers. One time we read a story about a really awkward nervous shop teacher in high school who hits on a new colleague and invites him home, and we all said we liked it except that at the end it wasn't really clear if they were having sex or if the protagonist was murdering his colleague.
Turns out it was murder.
8 years ago @ The Toast - I'm A Gamer · 0 replies · +16 points
Which I guess gives me a warm fuzzy feeling about how little respect for the OMG CORRUPTION people I have in all this. Yay! Go me!
8 years ago @ The Toast - Link Roundup! · 0 replies · +7 points
...I guess both versions suck lots. That's a safe conclusion.
8 years ago @ The Toast - 24 Awkward Clothing Si... · 1 reply · +20 points
Approximately ten seconds later I realize she's mocking me. I spend the rest of the semester reading intently during all lunch breaks. I pretend to be spacey and distracted and don't react when people call my name, because either it's not me or they're just going to make fun of me again.
Fifteen years later, I tell this story to my therapist, and she asks me if maybe that girl was asking an honest question, and was complimenting my jacket sincerely. I realize this is the beginning of the end of that professional relationship.
9 years ago @ The Toast - Jaya Catches Up: Mary ... · 0 replies · +6 points
9 years ago @ The Toast - I Made the Mistake of ... · 1 reply · +15 points