gdp's Comments

The Toast : Everything What's Wrong Of Possums: It's All Of Them

Sat, 14 May 2016 03:24:04 +0000

I laughed through your whole description, but particularly identified with the third paragraph. My part-Norwegian Forest Cat was bouncy and destructive until I figured out he might like walking on a leash. My apartment neighbors are divided in three equal parts: those who just stare, those who mention I have a beautiful cat, and those who wonder what species my puppy is.

The Toast : Quiz: Which Romanov Daughter Are You?

Fri, 29 Apr 2016 01:26:00 +0000

Olga with a touch of Tatiana on the quiz. All Olga all the time from the description. Bookish and older sistery and cat-loving and prone to inappropriate crushes and sulking? Yeah, that's definitely me.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Socially Awkward Isn't An Excuse

Mon, 11 Apr 2016 00:40:00 +0000

I think it depends, both on the person and the reason a chance or a second chance is needed. I'm more like you, and have never really gone from "nope, don't want to do sexy things with that person" to "wow, hot" (I have gone from noticing someone at all to finding them very attractive, though). There are people who don't have that instant response, though, or who find they frequently become attracted to people once they know them better. Not every chance or second chance is related to attraction, either. Lots of rejections have more to do with personality, lifestyle, and values. In a lot of cases, people know what they want when it comes to those things too. In others, they may have some bias about people and might benefit from getting to know someone better. In still others, a perception may be off. A lot of second chances happen in situations where someone was dull or awkward on a first date, or made a non-malicious but thoughtless comment that came across badly. People who go on dates with otherwise nice, appealing people might decide to give it one more shot to see if their date is always awkward or if perhaps the person was just having a bad day. Either way, it's something that should be completely up to the person giving the chance or the second chance.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Save My Friend From Herself?

Sun, 10 Apr 2016 00:16:08 +0000

Repeating trundlebear: It is like this EXACTLY. This is why women generally don't give feedback about why they turn down approaches or end short relationship. It's also why there are fewer replies to online messages and accepted first dates and general willingness to give mediocre matches a chance to prove they're actually awesome. At some point, I think a lot of women have tried it and gotten a similar big bag of NOPE in return.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Wednesday Open Thread: 3 AM Eternal Edition

Fri, 8 Apr 2016 00:07:31 +0000

Oh, that's terrible! I hope you're able to get in touch with her. I checked mine, and it actually did what I think it was supposed to do, screening out a couple of invitations to multi-level marketing parties and a series of messages from a guy who had a two-night stand with in 2007 and whose other profiles I blocked long ago. Even though it worked in my case, I don't know why Facebook is so committed to deciding what content I see rather than trying to make decisions on my behalf, or why it can't at least announce that it's screening content for me. (Well, okay, I probably do know, and suspect it's nefarious and advertising related...)

Paging Dr. NerdLove : The "Problem" with Male Virginity

Fri, 8 Apr 2016 00:01:22 +0000

Makes sense! (And sorry about that downvote - it was meant to be an upvote!)

Paging Dr. NerdLove : The "Problem" with Male Virginity

Thu, 7 Apr 2016 23:30:51 +0000

That's a really interesting study, and I agree it indicates that many people prefer partners who have romantic and sexual experience to virgins. Since you focused your previous comment on men, I am going to pull something that I found interesting and a bit surprising from the study: "The finding that men were more discriminatory than women in sexually inexperienced partners requires further thought. Men’s disinterest in sexually inexperienced partners contradicts historical sexual scripts that stress feminine chastity and premarital virginity (Abbott, 2000). Women’s lack of discrimination is also curious, considering the influence of sexual scripts that reinforce hegemonic masculinity and, along with it, expectations for U.S. men’s heterosexuality, including the presupposition that sexually experienced men are more desirable (Kimmel, 2012). In this light, it is surprising that heterosexual women were not more critical of sexually inexperienced men as potential partners, and equally interesting that men were more critical of women who embodied notions of virginity. It is worth noting that neither gender roles, sexual scripts, nor evolutionary psychological models would have necessarily predicted the direction of these findings, indicating the utility of integrative developmental biopsychosocial frameworks for the study of contemporary romantic and sexual expression (Garcia, Reiber, Massey, & Merriwether, 2012; Tolman & Diamond, 2014)."

Paging Dr. NerdLove : The "Problem" with Male Virginity

Thu, 7 Apr 2016 23:29:54 +0000

A third possible response would be to acknowledge that it's likely that virginity is seen as a negative trait by many people in the dating pool (even with conflicting studies, I suspect this is the case), but remembering that almost everyone has a few traits that would poll like that when asked about in isolation. I suspect studies would also find that people generally prefer to date partners who are highly physically attractive, employed, in perfect mental and physical health, and who have few family obligations. There are still all sorts of people in the dating pool who have mild depression or who care for their parents or who are unemployed who manage to find partners - not all traits that are turn offs are dealbreakers, and some aren't even turn offs to particular potential partners.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Enforcing Your Boundaries

Thu, 7 Apr 2016 23:16:23 +0000

Just guessing, but maybe it's "pills"? EDIT: Nope.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Building Attraction: Which Matters More, Looks or Personality?

Thu, 7 Apr 2016 06:28:50 +0000

I'm going to call trolling. Perhaps related to a recent other deleted account troll?

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Wednesday Open Thread: 3 AM Eternal Edition

Thu, 7 Apr 2016 03:01:13 +0000

Tea is a very good answer, and I've found that as contrary as cats can be, they can be very good companions when you're feeling your worst. It sounds like you've had just a wretched day. I'm going to cross my fingers that tomorrow will be better, even if just by a bit.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Wednesday Open Thread: 3 AM Eternal Edition

Thu, 7 Apr 2016 00:25:36 +0000

I'm so very sorry, trundlebear. Your uncle sounds wonderful and hilarious. I'll be thinking of you and your family - it sounds like you have had more on your plates than anyone should have to deal with at one time.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Building Attraction: Which Matters More, Looks or Personality?

Wed, 6 Apr 2016 05:46:08 +0000

It's not an exact classification, and I think everyone who uses the term recognizes that there's some subjectivity and disagreement about even what society generally, and not just given individuals with their particular quirks, considers attractive. I still think it's a useful concept even if it's not one with perfectly defined boundaries. I think your reference to the era Hepburn lived in speaks to the difference between "conventionally unattractive" and "currently trendy in media." Cindy Crawford didn't stop being someone many people found beautiful when Kate Moss and heroin chic were the trend in magazines, and Marilyn Monroe didn't stop being beautiful when Twiggy came along. Granted, there are times when cultural standards harden around a particular trend to the point where various societies might completely disagree about who is attractive (there are certainly some cases in the 1500s where it's hard for modern viewers to understand what the appeal of someone is), but I don't think Hepburn was that far out of the mainstream for her time period. Before she was famous, she supported herself by working as a model, so I think it's safe to say that people found her beautiful even if she wasn't of fashionable 50s type. I'm not going to argue that blonde hair, blue eyes, and a voluptuous figure are privileged traits that play very heavily into concepts of conventional beauty, but I think you're off with regard to the universality of the preference. I know several men who wouldn't necessarily call either woman ugly, but who would also not single them out as attractive. Particularly in geeky and hipster circles, neither woman really has the idealized look. Both are what I'd consider conventionally attractive to a high degree, but part of the reason for the "conventionally" is that there's always some room for disagreement.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Building Attraction: Which Matters More, Looks or Personality?

Wed, 6 Apr 2016 04:44:18 +0000

I use "not conventionally attractive" to mean people many would consider homely, plus people who are plain, plus people who are considered to be attractive but in a very odd way or who have appeal to a very niche market. All of the women you listed are conventionally attractive, as are almost all women (and also most men) who are successful actors. It doesn't just include a particularly sexy sort of beauty. Most people who are widely agreed to be good-looking are included. I do think that sometimes men (and also sometimes women) fixate a little too much on certain kinds of beauty, but I'd actually say that there are types more in demand than the one you describe. Effortlessly Hot But Not Super Vampy Girl Next Door is a very popular one, for instance. I think the point of using the longer term is to recognize some degree of variance in taste and that not everyone is going to be in perfect agreement about who is appealing, who is unappealing, and who is average.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Get Over My Girlfriend's Ex?

Tue, 5 Apr 2016 06:18:24 +0000

Wow. Apologies to the Doc, but that's the best thing I've ever read on this site. Bravo.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Get Over My Girlfriend's Ex?

Tue, 5 Apr 2016 04:52:56 +0000

And, as a nice add on to GJ's points, I like to point out out to people who like to criticize MMOs how many people I know who play them with people who they already know. Just on my friends rosters are two father-son pairs, an adult son who got his mother into gaming, a father and daughter who live on different continents and spend more time gaming together than in person, multiple married couples and pairs of siblings who play together, and lots of people who play with their real life friends or particularly their military buddies. And I'm not an especially social player.

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Get Over My Girlfriend's Ex?

Tue, 5 Apr 2016 03:04:48 +0000

Let's see if this helps! Accio Lin-Manuel Miranda

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Enforcing Your Boundaries

Tue, 5 Apr 2016 00:46:25 +0000

I'd say it's good advice for everyone, regardless of gender!

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Get Over My Girlfriend's Ex?

Mon, 4 Apr 2016 22:00:15 +0000

While we're at it, let's go old school: MAGE TABLE PLZ!

Paging Dr. NerdLove : Ask Dr. NerdLove: How Do I Get Over My Girlfriend's Ex?

Mon, 4 Apr 2016 21:54:05 +0000

This is a good point and a fair one. I play this particular game with one of my (entirely platonic) best friends, and we didn't know each other until we started gaming together. Nothing like bonding over killing virtual beings for virtual loot and virtual ponies!