Getting better for someone else is only a jumping off point. Jillian Michaels says she uses that slant for people who have no self confidence and are "giver types." Once they see some success, they start doing it for themselves.

Darling, it really sounds like you've just never had experience in some of the capacities you describe. No wonder you feel out of sorts with finances and what not. It's just something you have to go through and fuck up some and not have much of a safety net to truly understand and gain mastery. I was a dumbass with money when I was younger and it took living on my own to make me more competent. It's not a flaw with you, it's just inexperience.

Perhaps you shouldn't look at your ED as something you have to master before you can "move on." Move on anyway, live your life, and the problems may resolve themselves as your character grows and develops. Actions are really transformative.

Not including case like "higher authority" a la Milgram experiment. Blah, I'm sleepy and not on the ball right now ;-)

It's been pretty much proven that people telling you to do something never really makes you do it. At the end of the day, only you can heal yourself. People are only a catalyst or impetus.

The nature of lessons is to learn them after you've messed up. What's that saying? Good judgement comes from experience, but most experience comes from bad judgement?

Oh silly girl, you won't lose your conditioning. As long as you're not lying in bed all day (I like the yoga suggestion!) you'll be fine. Nor have you failed anyone. Seriously, how can you fail me? I'm in America -- it's not like I was sponsoring you to run to save orphans in Africa!

If you still view it as failing, well, we all fail. Learn and move on. I personally think the lesson you should learn is "don't fucking run with your fracture" but that's up for you to decide.

....random note, but argh, I can't stand Atlas Shrugged or Ayn Rand. I do tend to run more libertarian/anti lots of government intervention...but I just cant' get down with her "let's revel in selfish assholeness" vibe. Just me though -- I'm always up for a debate.

Hey Jess! It's great you have a plan. You spend the next few months being really kind to yourself, ok? By all means exercise, but be -nice- about it; you don't need to be going all-out with a stress fracture! I'm not saying "Aww, let it be a free for all, it's okaaaay" either...that's not me. But right now you should think of it as a sabbatical.

Oooh, vitamin D deficiency is no laughing matter. You'll need to supplement (not just what's in a multivitamin either). Vitamin D has an influence on mood too...it's one reason people get happier out in the sunshine.

Anyhoodle, it's great you're getting lots of sleep. Your body's craving it!

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry you're in this much pain, mental and physical. I know I'm stating the obvious but, duh, if you exercise until you're incapacitated, it might be years until you could run again. If it's something you love, more than something you just do for weight control, you'll take care of yourself and let it heal.

I know you say you always overeat when you rest. But that doesn't have to be every time in the future. You always have a choice and you always have the ability to create your own reality. It IS easier to wallow in self-pity and to let yourself be a victim or the tragic figure in your own story, but there is always the path of the fighter. Everyone has a fighter in them, you included.

Please know I'm always here if you want to chat. About anything! (just be warned, I may pepper anything I saw with "and btw go check out Joe Abercrombie!). <3

Hey, when I said peoples' appetites regulate with activity level, I never said overnight. Your body gets used to a certain amount of food and thus expects it. It takes time but it does happen. However, I will saw mind over matter is pretty significant -- you put yourself down so much and essentially write your own epilogue. Cognitive patterns are totally real -- if you tell yourself you're a failure, duh you're not going to get anywhere. When you tell yourself you're worth more and act on it, gradually you change the pattern. Just saying, sweetie. I only nod my head and smile when I think someone's "hopeless". So yeah if I seem attacking, I don't mean to be. Don't write yourself into a corner you're not really in. <3

Oh, with your exercise levels I don't think that's too much food. With adaptation, maybe. But you could fix that with some metabolic repair.

Giiirl, I mean this in no cruel way but c'mon, suffering in an overweight body? You're still fit and adorable. Whoever compared you to Skipper was right on...but you probably have more brains as I always figured Skipper would be a slut because of competition with her big sister and wind up preggers at 18...but that was just my messed up mind as a kid.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can't just let yourself be a victim. Food is not harming you just as a gun in an underwear drawer isn't blowing your brains out. You may harm yourself with it, but unless you Brits have cultivated mutant walking food, it's not so fierce.

But oh, last meals! We still execute people in the U.S. so I always figured if I knew my last meal was coming it would be because I finally went postal. I dunno! Would depend on a lot of minute things. The only pasta dish I really like is fettuccine chicken alfredo so I might go for some of that. Or maybe a nice fatty ribeye with butter and a baked potato. Or a really good Indian food like a korma or butter chicken. Or a few bites from all of them! I'd nibble on sides like Brussels sprouts with bacon, roasted cauliflower, and guacamole. Dessert would be a molten chocolate lava cake a la mode but only if Flemming's restaurant whipped it up. Barring that, Ben & Jerry's Milk & Cookies and Clusterfluff ice creams! Dang I'm slavering.

But really...if the choice was a last meal or a last ride on my favorite horse, I'd rather go galloping cross-country, soar over fences, and finish with a wild run down a moonlit beach.

I use to despise alcohol but it really is an acquired taste. It's fun to be out with friends and be a little tipsy. I can't drink too much on Wellbutrin though or it'll fuck with my liver, so I stop at tipsy before getting to "flat out drunk."

Hehe, I love that clip! I am such a nerd...I think I've used that line before, thankfully tongue in cheek though. I'm so glad you're like GOT!

Question -- are you also getting enough magnesium? Bones aren't just impacted by calcium. Magnesium is necessary too. It's like sodium/potassium. Luckily there's a very vegan and very awesome way to get more mag! Get some Epsom Salts and soak in a salt bath. You get very sleepy too, so it's good before beddy-by.

Calcium...you don't need straight dairy. But it's definitely better absorbed through food than supplements. I don't know if you occasionally eat fish now or not, but sardines, tuna, or salmon with the bones still in (they are super soft) are amazing sources of calcium. A can usually has about 900 mg of calcium and it's pretty much all absorbed. I'm pretty sure that IS where Asian cultures got a lot of their calcium, along with sea vegetables. I know soy is brought up as a calcium source but I've had a ton of Asian friends/roomies who disagree. Traditionally Asians did not stand around eating tofu all day. Soy products are more of a condiment, like some miso in a broth or natto in the morning. It helps, but soy has never been a big source of calcium until Americans GMOd it. For purely vegan, nuts are decent. I know leafy greens have a lot of calcium proportionate to their calories but you have to eat a ton of leafy greens, simply because they are a low-calorie food, and the oxy stuff pops up more in some than others. Sea veggies are good too.

Anyhoodle, rant over. Take care!

Jess I had so much fun chatting about literature with you as we walked through the Durham Cathedral. I think you have a great ability to discuss academic subjects in a way that doesn't reek of tweed.

Just think about what you find the most interesting. Also, don't beat yourself up if some people do seem bored. Most of my classes are taught by great professors but this late in the college game I'm pretty bored, largely because I have 20 other things to do. So don't take it personally!

Cookies for breakfast sounds awesome. Teehee, reminds me of the slogan for that American cereal Kookie Krisp -- "It's cookies for breakfast, it's KOOOOKIE KRISP!!!"