My now-ex spewed some awful stuff about me on FB last year, so I took a break. I recommend a long break to anyone thinking about changing their FB use habits.

Deactivated for 6 weeks, came back and cut my friend list from 500 to about 175, changed my name so I couldn't be easily found, tightest privacy restrictions, etc. This made FB so much better for me - it's how I keep tabs on family I don't see often, and my many high school friends who are scattered across the country. Added bonus of using it more for local events and groups as I adjust to a new city (and single life)... it's OK now. I also don't have the app on my phone - I only navigate through the website, which I think helps limit my time there.

I think the general concern about GoFundMes is the lack of verification. It's easy for anyone to set one up and describe it as going to X purpose, but as far as I know there isn't real oversight (and plenty of unscrupulous asshats who would take a tragedy like this and try to make a buck off of it).

I think donating directly to LGBT (or other) nonprofit organizations through their websites is a safer way to go. If you want to do more research into a particular nonprofit, search their website for an annual report or go to Guidestar.org.

The annual report and Guidestar can provide you with information about how the nonprofits use their funds and what level of services they provide. People often want to know what percentage of the annual budget goes to staff versus programs versus fundraising, etc. If you dig deep on Guidestar and look at the IRS 990 forms for the nonprofit, you can also see how much they pay their 5 highest-paid employees and stuff like that (for nonprofits of a certain size).

There are differing opinions about how to measure nonprofit orgs' efficiency and effectiveness. I'm not thrown by a CEO (particularly of a large organization) that makes a competitive salary, but I do side-eye an org that is spending $1 million on a fundraising gala that only clears $25,000.

A Google search is helpful too to root out some bad headlines about larger nonprofits like the Red Cross and get a sense of how effective they are versus local, grassroots orgs.

This overlong reply brought to you by my desire to do *something* / provide useful information in the face of feeling very sad and powerless.

@sybbys here!

Congrats! And yes, I imagine you want *something* to mark the occasion.

I can see baking a cake and decorating it in a meaningful or simply audacious manner & eating it with your friends. Then again, last night I was musing on a divorce tattoo. (I'm in the middle of a wanted-by-me divorce process, so thanks for holding the light at the other end of this terrible tunnel)

Good for you for getting through this part!

I'm also torn. I watched the Parts Unknown Okinawa episode mostly for the karate parts because I study traditional Okinawan karate, and watched the Punjab episode the other night and barely got past his "OMG I need to eat meat otherwise I'm gonna DIEEEEEEE."

I find the show pretty darn interesting I just have a little request... Can there please be a Parts Unknown with 100% less white male privilege?

This is really wonderful, @burningupasun.

All hugs to you, @pjwren. I'm also going through a divorce (11 years married, my choice, no kids, trying to be amicable but goodness that's difficult at times). I find navigating it as the person who chose this to be tricky -- there's a lot of pain and sadness and guilt *even though I know this is the best decision for me.* Media is full of "how do the dumped deal with their broken hearts and lives?" narratives, but it seems there are few tales of the dumpers that don't include some extreme situation or stereotype.

What's been helpful to me so far: Know there are no "should"s here (beyond taking care of yourself and Tiny Wren). Therapy. Having friend(s) who will receive ALL CAPS RANTS via text or email without judgment or commentary. Reminding myself to slow down in all decisions so the emotional anxiety isn't the driving force. Talking with other divorced people -- the light on the other end of this tunnel is really, really bright. Self-care. Being private about it on FB.

I went through a rough patch recently as I felt completely overwhelmed by how much change has happened in the last 12 months: where I live, my job, my friend circle, my relationship status. But then my therapist pointed out that that means a lot of change can happen in the next 12 months. That this process will play out, my financial picture will become clearer, my social life better, my days and nights easier. It stinks here in the middle, but there is hope moving forward.

Lovely Flute was my choice. No snooze option + Dwayne The Rock Johnson=the best.