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370 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - SH*T HAPPENS (A Story ... · 0 replies · +1 points

I just wanna say +1

Great Story

374 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - 5 Lessons I Learned Fr... · 0 replies · +1 points

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

I've always quarreled with this quote. There is definitely a point to it, you want to know that a person will not crack under pressure. But that shouldn't outweigh their performance in the other 99.9 percent of their life.

The basic thing is how o you know how a person will behave under pressure? I mean, Eli Manning may be the best QB in the 4th quarter in the game of football right now. But this guy is also known for throwing interceptions in the first three quarters that help his team fall behind. So does the fact that he leads these great comebacks outweigh his mistakes? What about Peyton Manning? I'd argue to say he's almost the opposite. He puts up the numbers in the regular season and normally blows teams out so badly that he has mediocre 4th quarter and playoff stats. But when we compare the two QBs side by side I don't think many would argue that Eli is above Peyton. Eli has SB rings and that's about it.

This is a simple analogy but I think its kind fitting in a lot of ways. This is a consistent argument that's had in sports about Mr. Consistency vs Mr. Playmaker. Before Elway won his rings it was questions like Elway vs Aikman and Young vs Aikman. Before Peyton won his ring, it was Peyton vs Brady. Looking at RBs, there was also the question of Emmitt vs Barry. A lot of society (media) goes for the spectacular plays that get talked about and live forever. And you often see fans and public perception go for the person who generates the most attention, but is that how it should be?

I always question how I'd perform in these times of "challenge and controversy". Its something I can't know until I'm actually in one of those times, and by then its probably too late to start practicing the right things. So I'd rather be the guy who's trying to do the right thing on a daily basis. Then (hopefully) when I'm in a clutch situation, it just becomes more of a thing of not thinking of it as a clutch situation, and just doing what I'm used to and hopefully that's all I need.

But to each their own. This was a nice piece. This just came to me as I was reading it.
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374 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - Does a Woman's Relatio... · 0 replies · +6 points

One thing I've noticed in both a positive and negative light is that women often compare me to their fathers. And that's not a bad thing in itself, but when you're trying to guess my next move based on your father's (or any other man's for that matter) previous move, Stop. Please.

Just let me be me. Let me do things my way. If I'm wrong, hopefully I (we) can grow from it. Hopefully I'll be right more often than I'm wrong, or at least with the big decisions about my life. But if I'm not allowed to try and fail its probably going to leave a bitter taste in my mouth regarding the whole thing.

380 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - Why It's Easier To Sup... · 0 replies · +6 points

I think you've got to be careful with this in terms of the set of people you're talking about. I mean really, I think of it as a friend coming to me with any type of "big news", particularly life changing news. Maybe a friend comes and says she's going to quit her job and become a freelance writer. One group of friends may shun her and say how much she needs her job, how she can't pay her bills and talk about the problems associated with it. Likewise they may distance themselves from her on the thought that she's going to need more money in the coming weeks and months. Others may embrace it, encourage her talent as a writer and try to help her get more opportunities.

I know it may seem like I'm minimizing the issue of coming out by comparing it to some thing as "trivial" as changing jobs, but in my experience, having had close friends who have either come out to me (I guess its not really coming out because it was still a secret) and having been in that position I've kinda seen both the supportive and the hostile reactions (and they don't always come from the places you think they will). For me, its a simple thing - if we're friends we're friends. You're not suddenly going to become my fashion consultant because you came out. If we always talked about Madden and Hip Hop before, then we're probably going to talk about Madden and Hip Hop afterwards. Friendships grow and evolve but I think its important as a friend to be a friend at times like this.
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382 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - An Open Letter to Empl... · 0 replies · +3 points

Its funny, I was just over at Monster looking at some positions and it said Masters or PhD in Math or Comp Sci is required and the starting salary was 35K. I couldn't stop laughing. I guess the company's rep is just THAT good.
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382 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - Five Things About Men ... · 0 replies · +3 points

You've got some large expectations on your best friend. From the perspective of that guy, I'll say that if I'm the one always bailing you out then eventually I'm probably gonna be wondering why I'm hanging around this dude.

Another thing that comes to mind is don't be "that dude". I don't know how to describe "that dude" but I do know that we all talk about him behind his back and hate to invite him out, yet he always shows up.
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383 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - It’s Never Ok to Com... · 0 replies · +3 points

I'd say the difference between Al Green and this incident is that the Al Green singing had no actual subject of his singing. He wasn't eyeing some lady across the room singing the song, he was just singing it.

Its cool that this woman is his friend and whathavenot, but as many have said - time and place. Basically (a) a fundraiser is a business event (b) its not like this is something he just mentioned to her while they were walking across the room. He said it to the TV cameras, which kinda makes a big deal out of it.

I think its cool that she took it the way she did, because that makes it less of an issue (in this case), but the fact remains that these are the type of comments that women receive from their superiors on a daily basis in workplace environments with slight subtleties. The fact that Obama did it only encourages that behavior.
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383 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - The Power of ‘We’ ... · 1 reply · +3 points

In theory this is all good, but I think its hard (impossible?) to get around the fact that a couple consists of two individuals.

For example, you give the example of the woman flirting with another woman and the man getting mad about it. Sure they can have that discussion, but does a relationship require EVERY conditional be written out there in plain text? "well, you'll see that on line 47 we agreed that under the terms of this relationship that ramen noodles do not suffice as a dinner date".

The problem inevitably will come from what one side assumes is common sense and the other side assumes is not. From your example, I can understand the guy's thinking that his girlfriend shouldn't be flirting with anybody if they're serious. To some, that's common sense. Maybe no to the GF, but that's where the arguments and discussions come in.
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385 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - Misogyny and Sexual Ha... · 1 reply · +1 points

"Do you know what the CEO, IT manager, and everyone else who isn't in HR (in other words, people that actually know programming and the operations of the company) will do after stuff like this happens? They scrutinize the resume of every woman that comes across their desk. They stop and say, "do we want to take the chance of her getting in her feelings over nothing, making us lose one of our best programmers or engineers, and having them go to our competitors?" Current employees avoid other female employees based on one woman and the slight that existed only in her head. "

This. Right here. This is a problem. This is a serious problem.

That's like an unfair burden you (or your fictional CEO) is placing onto the burdens of these women. And its an unfair judgement. I mean you just compared a woman "getting her feelings over noting" to "making us lose one of our best programmers or engineers". Totally avoiding the fact that the woman could be that best programmer/engineer. Also avoiding the fact that, like say a Randy Moss, sometimes the best player is a cancer in the locker room and its addition by subtraction.

So basically what you're saying is that you're willing to have "Jordan rules" for your best talent and the women just have to deal with it. I hope that's not what you're saying, so please let me know where I'm misreading you.
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385 weeks ago @ Single Black Male - Misogyny and Sexual Ha... · 1 reply · +2 points

She still may make this a case. The ink isn't dry just yet. The fact that we're talking about this is a positive thing from my point of view because this is a learning experience. But I'd really question if I really wanted to be there if I knew I could be fired for voicing my opinion.

I remember in school having a racist teacher and luckily finding out he was racist before doing a project with him because then I'd have my fate in his hands. I wouldn't want to work for a company that's going to fire me for reporting racism. If that's their policy then eff their policy. And if I know that me reporting racism isn't going to get anything accomplished then I wouldn't be too proactive about going through that means of reporting stuff.
My recent post Triangle Trigonometry