5 Tests to Determine If You've Forgiven Someone Comments

Coral

Fri, 11 Feb 2022 20:15:32 +0000

I have a question about forgiveness. If a betrayed spouse has evidence of the wayward spouse\'s cheating, and the betrayed spouse does not read the evidence or disclose it, then moving forward to forgiving the wayward spouse, could it be said that it was a form of baiting the wayward spouse if the betrayed spouse doesn\'t get the response they want? They create another point of arguing and threatening to divorce and using the fact that they had the information and only read it after they didn\'t like the first answer?

Cynthia

Wed, 5 Apr 2017 04:14:30 +0000

I think one thing that could be added is if you can resist the urge of saying anything negative about them, especially in front of any persons who might be hurt by the remarks, like children (young or old) from a divorce situation. That can be so tempting, especially when you see the person setting others up for a potential hurtful situation. The person at whom the remark is aimed is not even there to hear it, so the only one it is "helping" is you--to get something off your chest. But the harm it does to the children or others who still have a good relationship with that person is far more damaging than the "good feeling" you get from saying it. We have to remember that the children have the DNA of both parents and often feel that whatever you feel for the other (offending) parent, you may feel for them since they are half of each of you! It's very difficult and I often fail, but I try so hard not to say anything.

ttcook

Mon, 27 Mar 2017 09:08:55 +0000

My problem is, how unfair it all feels. This person has hurt me terribly, and now I have the burden of forgiving them, along with the burden of trying to forget the harm, the betrayal, the loss of trust they've caused me. I mean, I want to forgive them - but I can't get past the inherent unfairness of it all. That being said... I actually passed most of the forgiveness test. But partial forgiveness is about as good as being halfway committed. It's all or nothing when it comes to forgiveness. So at the end of the day, I've gotten no where. Ironically, I'm the one left feeling guilty about the situation (for not forgiving it)..... Not fair. :(

Jan

Tue, 1 Nov 2016 18:13:34 +0000

Please help me. I don't seem to be able to pass the test. I've been working on this for nearly 6 months. I can't talk to anyone about it, because I think I'd be shut down and/or blamed and/or my daughter would possibly at the least just stick up for the other person. It pains me. I seek God. What am I missing. I don't want this blocking my relationship with God.

Ali

Sat, 3 Sep 2016 14:52:17 +0000

Great post. I was feeling might fine til I got to the test!!! I would add that every time you talk about them it is in a negative light. I realized that I have not forgiven someone for a few things they have done. Although we have to have boundaries, sometime revenge and getting even triumph iur rationale for boundaries. Thanks!

Clive

Fri, 27 May 2016 08:32:08 +0000

Hi, I have a problem. There are 2 people in life that have really hurt me and my family, and these two people I know are on drugs, (don\'t have proof) but symptoms show it, now they lived by us for six months and they\'ve taken over in our home abusing us, and whenever we wanted to approach them and tell them to please stop it, my grandfather would tell us these words, you leave them alone or I will f*ck you up and said to us, if anyone has a problem with them they must come and take it up with me. I really just want to get all this anger out and the best way to do it is to never see them again. We banned this person from our home but his father doesn\'t about anyone except him.

Bruce chibuye

Sat, 21 May 2016 11:10:50 +0000

I have been struggling so much deep inside me...I have lived with such anger and biterness for those that have hurt me.i want to forgive but it\'s hard.eachtime I think I have forgiven them..It happens that when I hear about them I feel more anger and pain..I want to forgive them complete so that I can be free..

Bruce chibuye

Sat, 21 May 2016 11:06:29 +0000

Am so inspired really..I want to forgive completely

Rachel

Fri, 29 Apr 2016 15:29:02 +0000

My ex boyfriend beat me up one night and strangled me unprovoked due to extreme jealousy.
Due to him almost killing me I finally went to the police and got right with God.
The mother talked very nastily to me and falsified information about me to all his family who were previously unaware of the abuse till the police arrested him and to try blame me instead of accept that this was her sons fault despite previously knowing of her sons verbal, physical and emotional abuse.
Now I would not speak a bad word against him nor the mother and used to not let anyone know of the abuse to protect his reputation.
Me and her used to be close to the point she was as my own mother.
She was giving and loving previously, doubling the blow.
This is a very simplified version.

Now it aches in my gut.
It was a double hit..
As anger and bitterness crop up I nip it in the bud(Most days, occasionally I struggle for half a day while I fuel the hurt and unforgiveness till the Holy Spirit brings me into a place of calm where I can forgive again).

But the pain is very immense.. I don\'t know if it\'s me still healing(It only happened 2 months ago) or still holding onto something. Either way while I struggle sometimes daily to walk in forgiveness I struggle more to let go of the pain.

kimberly

Fri, 1 Jan 2016 04:51:35 +0000

I\'m struggling with something confusing i\'m hurting bad I\'m not sure how I\'m going to be able to feel like myself again i made mistakes and still make them I\'m not sure what i got myself in the middle of all i know i\'m deeply hurting behind it i tried prayer nothing seems to be working

Frustrated

Thu, 17 Dec 2015 12:48:07 +0000

I'm really struggling to forgive someone right now, and after reading the inspirational words and tests I now believe it's more than one person in my life I need to forgive. I've always looked towards the positive behaviour in someone as no-one even me, are perfect. I don't want to end up friendless especially as they have been there for me. I do have lots of patience for people but this one person has been particually sprightful in my opinion knowingly so. I need help.

Anne

Wed, 2 Dec 2015 07:30:43 +0000

Thank you for your suggestions. I\'m really struggling with this because I know if we don\'t go on Christmas my mom will most likely be alone. She has many church friends and people who call though. They have never known about the family stuff. But she has many friends.
My father passed twenty three years ago. Family gatherings were always turbulent due to my sister purposely setting people against each other for fun. She would get a Cheshire like grin once the fights began.
My mom and I have had good visits on rare days and it saddens me that they are few. And now may never be possible again. I love my family despite it all but can\'t do these games anymore and never wanted to.
I hate the games people play. They exhaust the soul and heart and destroy relationships, yet so many seem content to do them . So many do them in purpose to hurt others .
We were music leaders for awhile in a church that had gone from 200 to 25 members after trying to be like the world and all about the gadgets.
Lies, rumors, and spiteful things were said and in a church so small with so many leaving- it didn\'t take long before we decided to leave. These were direct personal attacks and started by a band member who refused to work with us and felt he should lead . The year before they had no music at all!! Even people I had shared prayers with chose to believe the lies . My heart was too broken to sing or stay. We gave not been able to find a church we both agree on since . I wanted to confront the person and remove them from the group of all volunteer musicians because of the disruption he caused. My co leader did not due to it being volunteer. It nearly tore us apart because the lies were about me personally . We left and yet one of the instigators lives next door. He has split the neighborhood with lies as well. We can not move. So the complete healing is slow .
We have no support from a church right now and my mom has many friends. So I find it odd and difficult to understand . Though her friends are the type who call to talk about their own problems for hours and rarely hers. I don\'t envy that. They did even the day of her previous surgery! I told them she was not feeling well.
I have confronted my sister about always asking for money from my mom and she got very angry and vowed she would not take another cent or move in with my mom if it were her last resort. I had not even mentioned anything about moving in. I confronted my brother about helping my mom more and he got angry as well and cut off all communication. Later he did a tiny bit to help. We never had much communication as it was so it was not a loss. The two seemed thoughtlessly determined about putting my mom into bankruptcy for their own benefit. Something had to be said .
If nothing else I hope that this will keep her from poverty and financial strife . She told me to stay out of her affairs yet comes to me asking if we could help if she is short on money one month!!!!
It has all been too exhausting to go through! But I trust God is doing something. I have tried to be loving but find it harder and harder to want to reach out to people . Thank you for your prayers and help.

Julius

Tue, 1 Dec 2015 05:07:21 +0000

I\'m glad I stumbled across this article. I am struggling with a particular person in my life, my best friend\'s boyfriend. He said some hurtful (and completely irrational and unjustified) things to me about my wife over the summer and I cannot seem to move past it. It has driven a pretty big wedge between my best friend and I, and I just cannot be comfortable hanging out with them while my wife is excluded. I am so angry at the boyfriend because I feel he took one of my most valued friendships from me at a hard time in my life when I need my friends the most. I have seen them a handful of times over the past few months (we used to all spend time together at least 2 or 3 times a week). They both just pretend nothing happened and won\'t acknowledge how hurtful boyfriend has been to my wife and therefore to me. I guess I am not ready to forgive, as I am still too angry at both of them.

June McCalla

Wed, 4 Nov 2015 22:32:38 +0000

Wow! This was a blessing. I pray for the person that hurt me, I think good thoughts but I wandered if I truly forgave them and this I believe proved that I did or at least I\'m in the right direction. May God bless you richly! I will not be bitter!!!

mary

Sun, 11 Oct 2015 23:41:49 +0000

hi. i was so angry with my dad for leaving my family with another woman. but as time goes by i learned to accept the situation that he will never go back to us. but whenever i talk to him it\'s like flashbacks come to my mind. and i start to have teary eyes. i dont know why i\'m still like this. i never talked to him about how i felt about our situation and how i felt when my mom was crying everytime they fight. now he asked for forgiveness and i said ive forgiven him long time ago. but i dont know if ii have fully forgiven him

Harry Harvey

Fri, 28 Aug 2015 03:50:33 +0000

I would like to get a copy of your Leading vs controlling Leadership Styles.
I enjoy reading your material.

Anne

Tue, 26 May 2015 14:59:11 +0000

Thank you for your immediate reply.
It has been a difficult decision because she is my sister and I pray for her salvation every day , but I am concerned for my mother who seems to believe that giving her the money will lead to her openness to Jesus. It has not turned out that way for many years.
If my siblings do end up on the streets anyway in the future what then is my responsibility to them? My brother professes to be Christian but has not grown beyond the childish nature of a teen. He is 50 in a week.
My mother actually has tried to convince me he should move in with us, my husband and I , but we disagree and know it will cause problems within our joyous marriage of 24 years.
We give to local homeless shelters and to other organizations, but my mother says if we give to strangers why not our own family ?
It would be painful to see my siblings in the street, but destructive to continue to give money or to take them in our home.
My brother seems to have emotional and possibly health issues but refuses help and does not treat my mom with much respect .
He pretends his bedroom from since he was 14 is his apartment and acts like my mothers things are his.
Even to the point of using and breaking them. He is an artist but has never paid rent or helped her with much. Now he spends all his time on her computer . She is an enabler to the extreme thinking it is the Christian thing to do. But one day they both will need to stand on legs never used or strengthened.
If they end up on the streets how can I live with the guilt I know I will struggle with, without letting it affect my wonderful marriage from God?
I prayed for a best friend and He gave me one in my sweet husband.
This is my first priority ,after God ,
So I protect it with great help from God.
Thank you for your help and we are looking for and will read the books you suggested soon.
Any other insights would be very appreciated.

blodge1

Mon, 10 Feb 2014 22:19:45 +0000

Thank you for sharing this.

Caroline

Sun, 30 Jun 2013 23:25:34 +0000

. My in-laws have always found one way or another to hurt me, from the very first year I meet my husband, It has happened so many times that when they "are nice" to me, I find it very awkward, and don't feel comfortable again. I feel out of place. I am a complete stranger to their "nice ways". I am really better off when I am away from them. I now run away from their phone calls, and visits, because we never could stay 2 years without having a serious issue, I have been married for 16 years now. they was a time it was going so far that it was affecting my children. until I read this message on "how to know if I have forgiven people", I thought I was using wisdom with them. Am I being wise or have I not forgiven? I honestly can NOT even think of having a different relationship with them. the trust is gone. I still pray for them, (am I hypocrite?), honestly I can't tell anymore

@MzMeggs

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 13:16:53 +0000

I've heard from so many people that their inability to forgive is based on things that have been planted in their heads by the church itself, like "if I forgive them, that means I should never speak of it, think of it, or hear of it again" or "forgiving means forgetting". As a survivor of both childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault as a young adult (and a Christ follower), I use my story to help others know they are not alone... I speak of the offense at times but I don't call my attackers out by name when I share my story... because the part of the story that's important is that God has healed my heart. I have spent some serious time in tearful and sometimes very uncomfortably honest 'pouring my heart out to God' kinda prayer. I begged God to change my attitude, to help me let go of thinking it was my job to get even with those men for what they did to me. When I speak of what happened to me, I no longer feel the need to punish the people who perpetrated those crimes against me. I know that God is sovereign and He has worked this whole situation out for good because I'm able to help other survivors through the gifts He has given me. When I was finally able to let go of the notion that I somehow had to hang on to the hurt because I can't "forget" what it was like being sexually abused and assaulted, my life changed and God gave me a whole new outlook on things. I think when it finally clicked in my head and my heart that forgiveness did not mean I had to literally forget and bury the pain I had felt, I was finally able to let go and get busy showing other survivors that He can change their world. Thank you for this post, as it has opened my eyes to a totally unrelated situation that I need to get on my knees about. I have some more forgiving to do. God bless you!