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9 years ago @ Wonkette - GOP Rep Just Sure Obam... · 0 replies · +5 points

Complicitor - the least popular of the Decepticons from Hasbro's line of Transformer toys.

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Your Smart TV Is Proba... · 0 replies · +7 points

If my smart TV is in fact spying on me, I take comfort in invoking my spirit animal: 30 ROCK'S Frank Rossitano "Then they're going to see some disgusting stuff"

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Excuse Us While We F*c... · 0 replies · +10 points

I insist - gently but firmly - that all my sleep-over lady friends address my morning wood as "Commander".

9 years ago @ Wonkette - America Embarks On Dum... · 1 reply · +4 points

Also, too: Col. Kurtz broadcasting in the clear to Mike Huckabee: "We train our young men...to drop...FIRE on people, but we won't let them write 'Fuck' on their aeroplanes because...it's ob-SCENE"

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Daily Caller Dude Sudd... · 0 replies · +7 points

Demosthenes can do is allow you to bend your legs in the middle; it's a science anatomy fact!

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Megyn Kelly To Mike Hu... · 0 replies · +3 points

Wheels within wheels, maaannnnn....

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Ted Cruz's Dad: Good C... · 1 reply · +16 points

I'm sure many small town newspaper reporters have a keyboard macro for "Youth pastor arrested -"

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Ted Cruz's Dad: Good C... · 0 replies · +11 points

His face makes me think of a mid-level functionary in some military regime who happily countersigns the orders to round up dissenters but every time the 'interrogation room' door is mistakenly left open, he's all "Ew - the blood! Why so much blood? And do they have to scream so loudly?"

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Ted Cruz's Dad: Good C... · 0 replies · +8 points

Y'all can pee standing up, right? I done seen it on an episode of The L Word.

9 years ago @ Wonkette - Mike Huckabee Simply F... · 0 replies · +11 points

Fun lit'ry fact: in the early drafts of his novel decrying the suffocating vacuity of middle class American life and its pressure towards conformity, Sinclair Lewis dubbed his eponymous protagonist 'Huckabee' but H. L. Mencken told the author in no uncertain terms to "knock off that heavy-handed horseshit. A dopey name like that gives the whole game away..."