I was like "yes! this is me."
And that last one... of course I'm at work, I'm not supposed to be experiencing these feelings in an open office environment!

I have and had to do the same "find the right sources" thing with my partner, brother, dad, and others close to me, so I definitely sympathize. We talk about how women are responsible for more emotional labour - and then to get a man to even consider the issue you have to do the actual labour of searching for facts and studies to prove that women provide more emotional labour. Unending cycle!

If you can teach and show and prove for your BIL, then it's worth it. But remember that it's not your responsibility to make him understand. If he wants to learn for real, he'll search out the resources too. Maybe ask him to be part of the research process. Ask him to find sources or articles that he wants to discuss. (WARNING: One Guy brought C. Sommers as a "feminist" source for discussion. So I had to go down the rabbit hole debunking THAT one)

For interrupting, yeah it's a problem. Sometimes being silent and writing down your points (I have a tendency to forget them as I move from issue to issue) and then being all "are you done interrupting me? It's not a discussion if you won't let me speak my part" helps. See how he treats other men in a discussion. Then demand that sort of respect and point out the difference.

It's always a plus to stand up for feminism and against sexism, but your mental and emotional health matters too! Good luck!

Harvard Business Review recently researched the sexism of men: https://hbr.org/2016/06/are-u-s-millennial-men-ju...

I mean, some people won't take even stats and figures as truth. There will always be another hurdle that you'll have to surmount to "convince" someone. Each data point you provide isn't enough, they always have an excuse for why it doesn't apply to them or doesn't apply globally, or it's not the case because the study didn't take "x" or "y" into account.

You might, if you have a good relationship with him, try "if I was a man, you wouldn't require me to provide authoritative sources to validate my lived experiences. You would accept my words as truthful automatically, and that is an example of how you, dearest BIL, are complicit in structural sexism."

But I feel you because I have many relatives to whom I wish I could say the above, but don't and just keep my mouth shut. Patriarchy :(

I love to reread books so these are some of the ones I do on a yearly or biyearly basis:
Anne of Green Gables (the whole series) by LMM
There is something so comforting about Anne. Lots of problematic parts and stuff where I want to shake the poor girl and tell her she could be so much more with a dash of feminism. But! Them were the times.

A Song of Ice and Fire by GRRM
I honestly picked up A Game of Thrones years and years ago because it was the fattest book on the shelf at my bookstore. I hate being "done" a book too fast. I want to immerse myself in the world, and GRRM does that in spades.

Lord of the Rings by JRRT
LotR is a classic and is sort of a stand in for all the many fantasy books I've loved throughout the years.

Okay, running out of acronym names :)

Sometimes it's not the book but the author so I need to talk about NK Jemisin. Every new book of hers I read I get more upset about how amazing she is and how much I love her writing. The Inheritance trilogy, Dreamblood duology, the Fifth Season... I can't get enough of her work. She's writing the new Mass Effect book and it's the first time I've been interested in buying a video game book ever. (I love video games, I just don't care for tie-in novels really).

Thank you! I'll join the Slack group and these books are all on the top of my to buy list now!!

I am so glad Vine's book was linked in this LR, and recommended here. Just reading the free preview, I know I need this book and I think it's the answer to a prayer I've had for years now.

I know religion threads are always touchy but I was sort of hoping The Toast would do one open religion thread where people could ask questions and get recommendations and stuff. But it would be a ton of moderation, so I would never expect that. I've enjoyed the convert series so much but often my questions aren't outside the topic/theme.

Well, this makes me feel a bit better that I haven't sent my Toast Posts yet at least? THIS WEEKEND. I will get them done. I promise (I'm so sorry to my matches)! I've received mine already and they're so lovely!

For your relationship thing... ugh I can't pick one. I think all are important. If you don't have the right mix with the person, then it just won't work out. I can only think of a "pillar" analogy for your three Cs. If one of the pillars is missing or too short, well you've got a poorly constructed piece of Greek architecture/relationship.

Without any information about the person, their quality of work, the urgency of the work they do (ie if no one can cover for them) I would give them the time off they've requested. It's better to be safe than be insensitive to a person's mourning process. Perhaps they are a person who has been affected by the tragedy but not because they have a relative who was a victim, but because they are one of the minorities targetted (LGBT and/or latinx). They may need some time for this reason but may feel that they can't explain this because they're in the closet, are white-passing, etc.

If you can't cover their time/work with other employees you might want to see what sort of compromise you can make with them. If they're not affecting the workplace by taking the time off, I would say no harm/no foul.

However, you know this person and so it may be valid for you to ask for some sort of proof. If they can't provide it, or you're able to find out they are lying, that would be grounds for firing to me (or a serious talking to, along the lines of "why did you lie about this, I need the truth here..." which could identify some reason I haven't thought of). If you don't trust them enough and already suspect that they're lying here, or have other problems with their work/trustworthiness you may want to look into the firing process anyway.

I defer to Ask a Manager here (and this may be a question for her!) but here are some of her articles about sick leave/taking time off:
http://www.askamanager.org/2016/06/i-think-our-em...
(this one is probably the closest to your issue)
http://www.askamanager.org/2011/09/how-to-deal-wi...
http://www.askamanager.org/2015/08/when-your-empl...
http://www.askamanager.org/2013/10/is-it-wrong-to...
(from the employee's POV)
http://www.askamanager.org/2014/03/how-to-talk-to...
(if this is a frequent issue)

Your #Hamible are all so good!
Just off the top of my head...
David and Goliath: "I am not throwing away my shot!"
God in Genesis: "Every action’s an act of creation!" (almost too easy!)
Moses: "Legacy. What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see."

Salad King (Thai food restaurant)! It's just north of the Eaton Center and it's my fav place to go when I visit Toronto.

I'm hitting TO in the middle of July and will be going to a baseball game and the Aquarium. Maybe one of those options would be fun for you too?