en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/13890248 Comments by sweatahweathah https://the-toast.net/2016/06/24/cocktail-hour-open-thread-111/#IDComment1024610993 As stated above with that awesome link thanks to @eegghh, the biological clock is a myth (invented by a man, natch). Buuuuuut the "clock feelings" I think are real for some. I always wanted kids when I was younger/through college. Then I graduated and all of a sudden my brain was like "wait, never do that" and I decided I didn't even know if I wanted to be married or live anyone, let alone have children. Now I'm at the tail end of my 20s and I've spent a good several months (post therapy) firmly ensconced in my acceptance that I want a mostly monogamous relationship for the rest of my life (if I could only find someone) and that I might want kids too. The kids part still ebbs and flows, but it really started up after I saw my friend have a baby and visited with her (she has the most chill baby of all time, so serious false advertising that I am FALLING FOR). I follow a ton of baby-focused instagrams now and find myself wondering about homebirth vs hospital and preschool philosophies. *But* I'm still trying to figure it out because honestly, most of the time I think what I'm longing for is stability and that I'm feeling seriously "nest-y" to build a home (and I can't right now) and I am asking myself if I just imprint kids in that picture because that's what we are taught. And you know, instagrams of babies are great bc they are silent and cute. I hope this answer *kind of* helped? I think I'm just a few steps up the questioning path from you, so at least you can see how I got "here"? Fri, 24 Jun 2016 20:37:20 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/24/cocktail-hour-open-thread-111/#IDComment1024610993 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/24/link-roundup-599/#IDComment1024606098 Definitely don't go on tumblr... there are idiots on there proclaiming that, no matter what happens, you can just write Bernie's name into your ballot, so that "they" will see who we really want (when I saw that post it had like 60k + notes). I just.... *rage screams into abyss* Fri, 24 Jun 2016 19:13:46 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/24/link-roundup-599/#IDComment1024606098 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/20/link-roundup-595/#IDComment1024294000 Followed! Would this be the right place to ask about Toastie slack as well? And/or gathering place for soon-to-be-orphaned toasts? (If it's not the right place, I apologize!) ETA: saw the space witch retreat slack info downthread! sorry! Mon, 20 Jun 2016 21:29:55 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/20/link-roundup-595/#IDComment1024294000 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/15/link-roundup-592/#IDComment1023665154 This is so helpful! Thank you!! And yes....it would be so easy. You should do it! (I am terrible at helping people save money, can you tell?) Side note, I would LOVE a toastie meetup in Iceland, if anyone else decides to go this fall! I am really excited to hear you hung out with lots of young people and everyone was friendly. I'm pretty outgoing/friendly/open (esp now that I moved and am no longer living in 24/7 misery). So I think that could work for me! My previous experiences traveling, we would wind up at hotels in the middle of nowhere with large groups of aged german nudists. Not to say they weren't interesting... but I would definitely prefer a younger crowd if I had a choice haha. Wed, 15 Jun 2016 21:15:40 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/15/link-roundup-592/#IDComment1023665154 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/15/link-roundup-592/#IDComment1023634386 I am saving all that info!! The knitting store- I can only dream how amazing it must be! Can I jump on this little mini convo and ask-- do you think Iceland would be a good solo trip? I've wanted to go for YEARS, and I can finally afford it and have the time, but none of my friends can/want to go. I found an amazing deal for October so I would be there solo for about 8-10 days. I've moved across the country alone and flown alone a ton (US and Europe), but always to a city where I knew at least 1 other person. My major concern here is: I get the impression it's easier to do more of what you want with a friend, where you can get a car and explore together (I'm not a great driver), etc. I don't want to be on a random tour bus with me and a bunch of german grandparents (as fun as that might be for a day or two). Any thoughts at all would be so appreciated! Wed, 15 Jun 2016 19:45:44 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/15/link-roundup-592/#IDComment1023634386 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/13/link-roundup-590/#IDComment1023023056 In addition to the meds and all that, I don't know if you're into holistic therapies at all, but my acupuncturist was great for me when I was experiencing (what she calls) "rapid hungering". (It actually fluctuated for me a bit when I was adjusting to my meds too, but then it evened out with her help and I don't have that these days). Good luck to you, I've been there and I am sending lots of positivity your way <3 Mon, 13 Jun 2016 17:56:50 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/13/link-roundup-590/#IDComment1023023056 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022844841 Thank you!!! This was a very helpful and lovely reply. Even just affirming that it's hard and it's not just me! I am not into BDSM culture (at least, not at all compared to those who are regulars on these sites) but I started searching on there after having such poor luck with more "normal" pools of dating. But I am glad to hear that you don't go to clubs or munches and have still managed to find partners in other ways. I've never wanted to go to a munch, and the clubs around me are ones I would not frequent without already having a partner to attend with me. I was starting to worry that if I didn't start forcing myself to attend events in local scene, I would be cutting myself off from ever finding someone. I drop the predators immediately, but I've found I have a happy/sad view of it- on the one hand, like you say, it's a relatively quick way to find out that someone is a garbage person and feel 100% ok cutting them off. On the other hand, the amount of times I've had to do it just makes me more anxious about ever finding someone (in my time zone and similar stage of life) who will respect my boundaries and want all the things and I want and have chemistry with. The OKC advice is good! I've had mixed experiences there in the past but I might give it a try again and answer those questions/ filter my matches for kink! Thank you again <3 Worst comes to worst, I'll just have to move back to Europe ^_^ Sat, 11 Jun 2016 04:18:35 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022844841 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022827496 Haha I have a total love-hate relationship with them, but I have to grudgingly admit I've found some of my favorite sweaters there. Fri, 10 Jun 2016 21:17:20 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022827496 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022827050 I've just moved from NYC to the Bay Area and I have to say I finally feel more positive about dating prospects (or at least, hopeful enough that I have started putting myself out there again). The problem is, I'm a feminist who wants to find a kinky guy (why are so many guys on kink sites so offensive?!) And I don't move very quickly because I need to know someone's mind to be attracted to them. I am sick of meeting guys off dating apps who don't understand what I want, and guys off BDSM sites who think I will sleep with them immediately BC kinky means "I have sex with anything that moves" (it will come as a surprise to no one here that I state all over my profile and in messages that it takes me time to feel comfortable with someone. And that almost every first date a guy ignores that and tried to convince me to sleep with him). My friends tell me to stop meeting guys on BDSM sites because "normal guys can be into that too" which I completely agree with, but it's hard enough for me to find ONE person I like, let alone have that shared interest (also, I don't think they realize how varied kink can be. Just BC someone is into a more varied expression of their sexuality doesn't mean it's the same as another persons). I also want to find someone like me who, this is what they want 100%. Not something they are willing to try out because it sounds fun. In my (admittedly limited) experience I am much happier with guys who have a history and experience with these dynamics. Also, I do have at least friends on kink sites and they would appear "normal"! Is there a better way for me to go about this? Do you have any advice? I'm on bumble and tinder and just not meeting anyone I'm excited about. But the guys I do get excited about on BDSM sites drop me when I assert my boundaries (for the record, I don't need months of dating, but I would be happy with like 4 dates or so before I start really getting into it with someone). It took me many years to accept this part of myself along with my feminist side, and I've been looking specifically for this dynamic since 5 years ago when I first learned it was a real thing and not just my own "weird" needs that would never be met. Were you maybe in my boat at one time? Did it work out for you? Did you ever want to punch the next person in the face who said "I don't know why you're single but... I know so many amazing women just like you"? Ps I hope I explained this well. I don't want to be super revealing about my interests but I also don't want to downplay what I'm looking for. Also I've worked overtime every day this week so I'm probably not at my best, brain-wise :/ Fri, 10 Jun 2016 21:08:41 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022827050 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022826877 Hi Toasties, Once again I'm so late to OT. I've given up posting on OT recently because I never make it in time, but I want to at least try to get some advice before this place closes! (Sob) I am hoping for some advice from this venn diagram of Toasties if you will: Toasties who identify as kinky Toasties who have positive dating stories More in the reply just to keep things as PG13 as possible. Fri, 10 Jun 2016 21:04:59 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022826877 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022819246 I have found some amazingly great ones at anthropologie! You have to be good about finding the ones you love and then stalking them until they go on sale (I always add them to my online shopping cart and then check in every few days)! I am short and curvy and I like they they always seem to have a bunch of cardigans cut for you to wear with a skirt or dress (so, a bit shorter, not cardigans that hang down around your bum). I've also found quite a few cute ones with sweetheart neckline or other interesting details. Also, J.Crew sale on sale section (recently they had 40% off sale prices?), surprisingly good deals on merino and cashmere (cotton as well, of course). I would not pay full price for their blends of those fibers anymore, but on sale I think they're a good deal! Fri, 10 Jun 2016 18:28:18 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/06/10/cocktail-hour-open-thread-109/#IDComment1022819246 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/06/link-roundup-585/#IDComment1022543941 Signed! And left a livid comment as well. Mon, 6 Jun 2016 17:53:28 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/06/06/link-roundup-585/#IDComment1022543941 http://the-toast.net/2016/05/06/cocktail-hour-open-thread-107/#IDComment1020562053 *If you're trying more natural deodorants and having a rash, it is most likely baking soda! Meow Meow Tweet makes an AWESOME grapefruit scented deodorant, all natural and baking soda free. I truly love it, except I wish it came in a stick and not a pot, but it's really not the end of the world. Also all their soaps come packaged in cute cat paper so I really like them as a company ;) *Gah, I'm so so late to the OT, as usual... sigh. Sat, 7 May 2016 03:53:57 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/05/06/cocktail-hour-open-thread-107/#IDComment1020562053 https://the-toast.net/2016/05/03/link-roundup-565/#IDComment1020337710 Ha! My mom says that too, whenever I add any seasoning "well, I don't know why you had to RUIN that by adding XYZ". Unfortunately I did not have any Jewish grandmas, but I did have an aunt who lived abroad for many years, and it's thanks to her that I got things like dijon mustard, real parmesan, sushi, and aged cheeses. Tue, 3 May 2016 18:28:39 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/05/03/link-roundup-565/#IDComment1020337710 https://the-toast.net/2016/05/03/link-roundup-565/#IDComment1020327048 Oh mannnn, fellow child of an Irish-American... the only seasoning we ever got on food growing up was like an eyelash worth of salt. My brother and I are now obsessed with spicy everything, but my mom still cringes if I even add black pepper to a dish. Tue, 3 May 2016 14:55:49 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/05/03/link-roundup-565/#IDComment1020327048 http://the-toast.net/2016/04/29/cocktail-hour-open-thread-106/#IDComment1020126120 I am very late to this thread but saw this question and was wondering if anyone would post about digestive issues! My best friend took accutane in high school as well and is now, 10+ years later still dealing with digestive problems. She has seen multiple specialists over the past 7 years. They still haven't figured out her exact diagnosis, but they do think it stems from her time on accutane. OP: you can google accutane and digestive disorders and see what they mention. Obviously there are many people who took it and didn't have that problem/were very happy and continue to be (all the lovely people here), but just a heads up that might be a side effect you aren't getting giant screaming warnings about on the package. Good luck whatever you decide! {Edited to sound less nerve-wracking!} Sat, 30 Apr 2016 04:47:52 +0000 http://the-toast.net/2016/04/29/cocktail-hour-open-thread-106/#IDComment1020126120 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/29/link-roundup-563/#IDComment1020104347 I have a sneaking suspicion if this is my problem, then it is the same as my soy allergy. I can tolerate edamame fine, but any sort of "soy product" (tofu, milk, all those fake meats) I cannot deal with. It doesn't really make sense to me, and I'm wondering if edamame may not cause an obvious reaction, but it might cause an inflammation? I can eat fresh corn and even tortillas (well... it's been a while actually, and a lot of my allergies have been adult-onset) but I wouldn't be surprised if I can't deal with any sort of "corn byproduct". This is so so helpful! Fri, 29 Apr 2016 20:17:07 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/29/link-roundup-563/#IDComment1020104347 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/29/link-roundup-563/#IDComment1020102858 I didn't even know it was all corn! I kept telling all my doctors about it and they were just like "yeah, ok, you're allergic to another thing". You have no idea how helpful this comment is!! I only know I'm allergic because I try these "milks" and start gagging/choking, and it took me a long time to realize what it was (and a lot of wasted cash on alternative dairy products). But I never really "sourced" what those ingredients derive from. Also I would love to try, but I am moving in a bit to the epicenter of rich hippies, so I am hopeful they will have it there? Thank you so much for offering though, that is so thoughtful <3 Fri, 29 Apr 2016 19:46:02 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/29/link-roundup-563/#IDComment1020102858 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/29/link-roundup-563/#IDComment1020096262 I am in the same boat-- allergic to almost every alternative milk out there, either bc of the base (soy or almond) or because of the stabilizers/other add-ins. I keep seeing this brand on instagram and while I know a lot of people find it crazy/trendy, I'm dying to try it bc they have cashew milk AND it's the same ingredients that if I made it at home (except I don't have the time or energy). Plus, for something this fresh/ well made, I think their prices are competitive. Fri, 29 Apr 2016 17:19:50 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/29/link-roundup-563/#IDComment1020096262 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/28/link-roundup-562/#IDComment1020021755 I was hoping this would be in the roundup today, and I'm so glad you posted it. I honestly felt punched in the gut reading that ruling, and I needed some toastie rage around it. I'm hoping I can make the OT early enough tomorrow, because I really need some Toast advice for how to keep on keeping on when you read these sorts of things every.damn.day. Sigh. Thu, 28 Apr 2016 14:43:23 +0000 https://the-toast.net/2016/04/28/link-roundup-562/#IDComment1020021755