Maybe because I was also a cocky, precocious, preteen when I first read these books, I don't seem to be reading Dairine the way everyone else is? We've already established that the reason that younger wizards have more power is simply that they haven't learned the rules that would limit them yet - and they therefore simply don't /believe/ in limits. Sure, Dairine isn't thinking things through... But that's precisely what makes her so powerful.

It kind of rubs me the wrong way to dismiss that as just naivité. It feels condescending to me. Yes, she isn't cautious, she makes rash decisions, and she is doing dangerous things that may have repercussions, but she's also doing things that Nita and Kit would never have imagined possible, and she's able to do them because she would never for a moment imagine that there's anything she wouldn't be able to do!

I think it feels to me like there's a hint of "but she shouldn't be able to do that! There HAVE to be repercussions!" going on, and I feel like... why the hell not? Why should she limit herself to what other people think is possible? She's wanted magic and space travel her entire life.... Why would she create boundaries for herself within her own imagination?

I DEFINITELY ready under the covers late into the night for years and years. Some weekendmornings I would even wake up early to read for a while before I had to get up and do chores... I had an old electric bedside lamp that was small enough to hide under the blankets, and one day I must have left it on under the blankets for the whole day. I came back to find a lightbulb sized hole burnt/melted through my blankets! I definitely could have burnt the house down, which I stress about to this day. Mark, I read recently that it's actually a myth that reading in poor light/late at night can damage your vision! Almost all nearsightedness and farsightedness is caused by genetic factors. My dad gave my sister shit about her poor vision for years, and I can't help but be angry with him for blaming a child for something out of her control.

I do like seeing a representation of NOT knowing where they lead, I guess? I profoundly empathize with Daja here, because I know what it's like to be blinded with admiration and respect and a powerful desire to have someone you look up to treat you like an equal. It's... intoxicating.

As you say, it's all about knowing where that path leads when you start to feel the hooks sink in.

This interaction between Bennat and Daja makes me feel physically ill. It reminds me so viscerally of the way that my abuser got into my head. He was nearly twice my age, and in a position of power over me.. and this whole book sort of addresses that dynamic for me in some ways. "I'm lonely and you're the only one who can help", "Please don't give up on me" and "I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here" all start to bubble up out of my memory here, as well as being told that he "worshipped me" for "not being like other people my age". Ugh, it gives me the heebie-jeebies. I remember reading this book when I was 10 or 11 and almost sympathizing with Ben for the first part of the book. I was so ready to be the saviour to a damaged older man, you know? It took me a long time to realize that I shouldn't feel responsible for someone else's mental health in that way, and that I wasn't helping him, I was being used by him. I just wish I'd taken this lesson away the first time I read this book.

"Nevermind that education is a deeply personal thing that requires selfishness on the part of the student. "

Mark, thank you for this sentence. It has taken me many, many, many years to start to figure this out. You have to decide to put yourself first, and not worry that you're letting other people down. University has been a huge struggle for the past few years, because I constantly second guess myself and decide that I am letting my friends and family down when I put myself first.

It helps to know that I'm not alone in feeling like education requires selfishness, but that that is ultimately a good thing!

V sbhaq gur bgure cneg V jnf guvaxvat bs! "Jura Qnwn gubhtug bs gur urnyre-zntr fghqrag fur'q snyyra sbe gjb lrnef ntb, fur sryg ure purrxf jnez. Fur unq zbbarq bire gur sryybj sbe zbaguf". V jnf fhecevfrq jura V jrag ybbxvat orsber naq bayl sbhaq gung dhbgr V ersreraprq ynfg gvzr, orpnhfr V sryg snveyl fher gung gurer jnf n zber bireg ersrerapr gb fbzr qrterr bs pehfu va guvf obbx. V fgvyy pbzcyrgryl nterr jvgu jung lbh'ir fnvq, gubhtu.
Jvyybj jnf RKNPGYL gur rknzcyr gung pnzr gb zvaq. Gur "tnl abj" flaqebzr unf renfrq znal n ovfrkhny, naq vg nyjnlf znxrf zr gjvgpu. Jvyybj'f eryngvbafuvc jvgu Bm jnf fb trahvar, naq fb ybivat, gung vg frrzf fhpu n funzr gb qvfzvff gung jubyr rkcrevrapr nf "whfg rkcrevzragvat" be "gelvat gb znxr hc ure zvaq", lbh xabj? V QBA'G guvax gung guvf vf rdhvinyrag gb Qnwn'f rkcrevrapr, gubhtu, rira gubhtu fur qbrf rkcyvpvgyl fnl urer gung fur "zbbarq bire gur sryybj". Fur qrfpevorf vg nf "snyyvat sbe n unaqfbzr snpr" engure guna npghnyyl qrirybcvat pybfr ebznagvp srryvatf sbe fbzrbar, naq vg qbrf fbhaq zber yvxr na vaabprag pehfu guna nalguvat zber. V fgvyy guvax vg'f jbegu abgvat gung fur vf qrsvavgryl fgvyy hafher, urer, naq unfa'g lrg dhrfgvbarq gur urgrebabezngvir vqrnyf bs fbpvrgl.
V ybir gur rknzcyr lbh tvir, naq V'z gbgnyyl tbvat gb ernq lbhe svp gb svaq bhg zber! Fbeel sbe gnxvat FB ybat gb trg onpx gb lbh guvf gvzr nebhaq, V'z npghnyyl bss geniryyvat naq V unir yvzvgrq npprff gb vagrearg. Gunax lbh sbe lbhe gubhtugshy ercyl!

er: engvatf - gung'f fb fgenatr! V qvqa'g guvax gung engvatf PBHYQ tb qbja. :(

Bu, gung vfa'g npghnyyl gur cneg V zrnag.. V jnf ersreevat gb "Fgvyy, abj naq gura fur jnagrq n yvggyr ryrtnapr, yvxr gur qnl fur sbhaq gung zbfg oblf cersreerq fznyyre, zber qryvpngr tveyf", juvpu qrsvavgryl unf gur frafr bs gelvat gb pbasbez gb fbpvrgny fgnaqneqf zber guna vg pbairlf gur qrfver gb npghnyyl or ebznagvp be frkhny jvgu n zna. V cuenfrq vg orggre va n qvssrerag pbzzrag fbzrjurer va guvf jnfgrynaq bs ebg13, gung V unq vagrecergrq guvf nf ure univat "sryg fbzr qrterr bs nggenpgvba gb n obl ng fbzr cbvag"? Juvpu V'z abg fher V fgvyy qb, ohg jura V svefg ernq JbGR, V fgnegrq bss jvgu gur cbffvovyvgl bs ure orvat ov irel pyrne va zl zvaq, naq tenqhnyyl unq vg jvcrq njnl ol nffhenaprf gung "fur unq arire sryg GUVF jnl nobhg n zna", naq fur "whfg arrqrq gur evtug jbzna gb uryc ure svaq ure gehr frys" – gebcrf gung V, nf n ov jbzna, V svaq dhvgr hapbzsbegnoyr. V ybir gung fur vf & vqragvsvrf nf "n jbzna jub ybirf bgure jbzra", naq V nz gbgnyyl unccl sbe ure gb or ercerfragngvir bs gur yrfovna pbzzhavgl (jub ner qrsvavgryl abg birejuryzrq jvgu ercerfragngvba rvgure). V nterr gung "pehfu" vf gur jebat jbeq gb qrfpevor ure rkcrevrapr jvgu gur abivpr, naq gur fur qrsvavgryl jnfa'g pbzsbegnoyr jvgu gung fvghngvba. V thrff jung V'z hapbzsbegnoyr jvgu vf gur qrfver gb ernq ure nggrzcg gb qvfpbire ure cersreraprf nf "va gur cnfg", naq ure eryngvbafuvc jvgu Evmh nf birejevgvat nal hapregnvagl be nzovthvgl va ubj fur haqrefgnaqf urefrys. Nf n lbhat ov tvey (nebhaq Qnwn'f ntr urer?) V fgehttyrq jvgu srryvat yvxr n onq fgenvtug crefba sbe orvat nggenpgrq gb jbzra, naq n onq yrfovna sbe orvat nggenpgrq gb zra. Vg'f rnfl gb yngpu ba gb na vqragvgl gung frrzf fbpvnyyl rnfvre jura lbh'er fghpx va gung yvzob. V'z abg fnlvat gung gung'f gur pnfr sbe Qnwn (orpnhfr V qba'g guvax fur'f orvat jevggra gung jnl GOU) ohg V qb trg gur vzcerffvba gung fur urefrys jnfa'g nyjnlf fher.. naq gung frkhnyvgl (sbe zr, naljnl) unf arire orra nf fvzcyr nf whfg pubbfvat n cngu. V crefbanyyl unir rkcrevraprq gung gurer'f n ybg bs fbpvrgny cerffher gb cvpx n ebyr naq fgvpx gb vg. Gung'f jul V'z gelvat gb nqqerff fbzr ernqref' fgevpg nqurerapr gb n zbabfrkhny vagrecergngvba, engure guna gelvat gb pevgvpvmr gur qrfver gb ernq ure nf ercerfragngvir bs gur yrfovna pbzzhavgl?

I completely agree. V nyjnlf sryg n juvss bs renfher va gur jnl gung Qnwn vf gerngrq va JbGR, orpnhfr V unq pbzcyrgryl ernq ure nf ov fvapr gur svefg gvzr fur abgvprq "Evmh'f pheyvat ynfurf" be fbzrguvat gb gung rssrpg... naq V erzrzorerq ure zragvbavat gung fur unf sryg fbzr qrterr bs nggenpgvba gb n obl ng fbzr cbvag? Ohg V pbzcyrgryl nterr jvgu jung lbh'er fnlvat urer.

Qnwn npghnyyl zragvbaf fbzrguvat nobhg univat unq n pehfu ba n obl va bar bs gur obbxf... cbffvoyl Pbyq Sver, npghnyyl? Juvpu znqr zr (fgneirq sbe ercerfragngvba yvxr rirel ov crefba ba gur cynarg) ernq Qnwn nf ov engure guna zbabfrkhny? Nygubhtu JbGR qrs. gevrf gb renfr gung cbffvovyvgl.

I think that the comment about getting used to the smell is really interesting with regards to Mark's comment about Evvy being really powerful. It made me think back to when the goats were first at Discipline, and everyone was treating them like they were some bizarre anomaly. They all thought that it was strange that people found them unsettling. I like watching Briar see someone in the same kind of light? Like... People have mostly become acclimatized to him & the girls being powerful and a little unusual, but here he is, taken aback but a girl not much younger than he was when Niko found him. It's interesting how we get used to things, and how quickly we forget what things felt like, as Mark was saying with regards to the fact that only a few short years ago Briar lived much like Evvy does here.