16 comments posted · 3 followers · following 0

6 years ago @ The Toast - How To Tell If You Are... · 0 replies · +45 points

Dwarves are all nonbinary. They got tired of explaining this to Elves and Men in the First Age, so they rarely bother any more. The secret language of the Dwarves is mostly somebody saying "but where are the Dwarf women?" and everyone bursting into laughter.

6 years ago @ The Toast - How To Tell If You Are... · 1 reply · +39 points

No amount of drunkenness, insubordination, or eavesdropping is enough to get the captain's steward in trouble.

You brag to sailors from another ship that your crew doesn't have a surgeon, but a physician. They are suitably impressed.

Space is tight on this voyage, so you only brought a dozen hams, eight live geese, and your body weight in wine. Even though you and the first lieutenant live twenty feet apart, you are constantly inviting each other to dinner.

You have anachronistically modern views on every political subject except, oddly, abortion.

You are topping it the knob.

It is vitally important that you be able to fire a cannon three times in five minutes.

6 years ago @ The Toast - How To Tell If You Are... · 0 replies · +32 points

Forgive me for indulging in Toast cliche, but MY PEOPLE

6 years ago @ The Toast - How To Tell If You Are... · 1 reply · +45 points

Oh no, I missed this too, even though it is the best possible thing!

(You are delaying a military operation because you saw a curious beetle. You fear your sadistic subordinate officer will drive the crew to mutiny, but you can't relieve him of duty because of social convention. The narrator keeps telling people that you're a relentless womanizer, but you're pretty sure you can count your sexual partners on one hand. Someone who didn't know better might call you or your ship an "aged man-of-war," but you're both in your prime.)

6 years ago @ The Toast - Happy Beverly Crusher ... · 0 replies · +17 points

Plus, while sensing people's emotions would be an awesome superpower in real life, she's on TV surrounded by actors, and conveying emotion is literally their job. So Troi would say "Captain, I sense that he's hiding something," and the audience thinks "well of course he's hiding something, he's acting all shifty and nervous."

6 years ago @ The Toast - John Denver's Testimon... · 0 replies · +24 points

Maybe not stars, but Venus and Jupiter can both get bright enough to cast shadows. I found this article about a 14-year-old who built a Jupiterdial (like a sundial but for Jupiter) to prove it:

6 years ago @ The Toast - A Recipe for Chocolate... · 0 replies · +3 points

6 years ago @ The Toast - At Last, Someone Has C... · 0 replies · +15 points

I need to start a band so I can make that an album cover.

6 years ago @ The Toast - A Meat Processing Prof... · 1 reply · +20 points

I bristled a little at the suggestion that anyone would marry Milla Jovovich for any but the most romantic of reasons.

6 years ago @ The Toast - Things I Have Mistaken... · 2 replies · +81 points

Boston, our culture's Emergency Backup Journey.