en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/2403716 Comments by santaiknowhim http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/21/if-prison-has-taken-anything-away-from-me/#IDComment145280747 In the letter from “M,” he writes about the emptiness he has found during his time in prison. I can feel the pain he is experiencing through the words that he writes. I can relate to M in the fact that I need people to love and love to be loved. I love to surround myself with people who care about me and truly want what is best for me. M does not have that; he has lost all sense of connections with people that inspire feelings of love. He longs for the chance to develop relationships with women in a way that gives him a chance to be a real man, one who loves unconditionally and honestly. He longs for the chance to be a friend, companion, and lover. To his dismay, he feels as though all of those wishes are out of reach. I feel extremely sorry for him and could not imagine the emptiness he must be experiencing. I cant imagine how lost and upset he must feel knowing that his future is so bleak and is inevitably an ongoing battle to fill in a bottomless pit. Although he has activities and hobbies to keep him busy, they are not enough to make him feel alright. He, until he finds something or someone to truly love, will probably continue to feel a sense of heartbreak and irrationality. I hope that I never have to face the fear and insecurity that M seems to be experiencing. I would have a very hard time not being able to show affection and love towards people around me. I guess once in jail you learn to love the workers and staff and other inmates, and in a sense some of them probably become like a family to you. It takes a very strong person to be able to deal with a situation like the one he is currently dealing with. I don’t think I would have the strength to be so alone. But then again, situations only arise from our own actions and choices, so maybe being alone will give him a chance to repent and get his head on straight. Sat, 23 Apr 2011 03:12:02 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/21/if-prison-has-taken-anything-away-from-me/#IDComment145280747 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/27/family/#IDComment142901394 C writes about the separation changes he had to adjust to during his time in prison. It is clear that the people he once had strong ties with slowly started to abandon him at a time that he really needed their love and support the most. It really becomes evident, once you move away for an extended period of time, who your true friends are. They are the ones that no matter how far the distance or how difficult it is to keep in touch, they will do their best to keep the established friendships. Most people like to think that their families will be part of this equation, but the harsh and brutal truth is that sometimes that is not the case. Sometimes the people we think we are the closest to us turn out to be nothing of the sort. Its important to branch out and try to make ties elsewhere. Healthy, loving relationships are extremely important in life. They help sustain us as social, caring people. For C, being a lifer, it is almost more important for him to establish close relationships with people. It gives him something to live for, other than himself. It gives him a chance to connect with people that are in the same situation as him and going through the same experiences. It seems that in jail he has been able to do this. He writes about how his prison mates and workers have become like his family. After all, family can be more than blood. A family is established when people come into contact with others who love and care about them. they are willing to put them first in life and make sacrifices for them. finding people like this makes it easier to get through the struggles we so often face in this world. They give us people to talk to and relate to. I think that people who do not have these types of people in their lives are truly missing out on a part of humanity that sustains us and allows us to try to better ourselves. Thu, 14 Apr 2011 20:10:25 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/27/family/#IDComment142901394 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/03/what-a-man-is/#IDComment140294552 In the letter “What a man is…,” I am truly impressed at C’s ability to see in women what many men overlook. He has come to the realization that what he thought was most important in a relationship is in reality minimal to the actual love felt between two individuals. Although sex is a large part of mature relationships, it is not the driving force that keeps them going through good and bad, happy and sad. A “man” is a necessary component in lasting relationship. C defines a “man” as a being a protector, lover, friend etc. Each of these characteristics helps to solidify the well being of a relationship. They help to develop a strong bond between the woman and man; one filled with trust, respect, friendship, honesty, compassion, and love. I think that if more men realized this, than there would be far less abusive relationships. Through his words, I can feel the sincerity in his apology to all women he has ever known or offended. I think he truly has been able to open his eyes to something that without jail time, he may have never realized. He has seen the pain he has caused the women in his past relationships and truly regrets it and wonders why he had never realized what he was doing to them before. The thought that jail has to be instituted to change someone’s perception of love and a relationship is in a way a scary thought. It makes me think that some people will just never learn and will continue to be abusive or hateful towards their partner. Relationships are in need of tender loving care in which the other person is made to feel as if they are the most important person in the world. Everyone deserves someone to love them unconditionally and to be with someone that makes them truly happy. It takes a special person to be able to fully devote themselves to one person, but I think that when we are capable to do that, we are truly in a selfless, loving relationship. Wed, 6 Apr 2011 00:20:50 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/03/what-a-man-is/#IDComment140294552 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/24/b-s-response/#IDComment139205399 Reading this post by B. really has helped put into perspective for me the feelings associated with being in jail for life. I feel sorry for this lifer that we as society are so quick to judge people and he happened to be at the receiving end of harsh criticism. He has lived a difficult life, full of drugs, violence and neglect. He has not been given all of the same chances we have been given to succeed. I believe assisting a murder is a horrible act and deserves jail time. But people sometimes have to open their eyes to the broader picture of life and realize that some people are inherently good people who want to reform themselves. They don’t want to be forever seen as a wicked being. I am happy for him that he was able to find meaning in his life and see himself as a free man despite the reality that he is constrained in so many ways. But to him, freedom is much larger than just being able to live how ever you wish, It is about being able to find your true self, the self God put you on this world to be. He has definitely been able to take those steps to creating a sense of self worth and dignity. And despite the fact that he still feels horrible about what he has done, he has been able to use those feelings to master life in a different sense. He has connected with God and the people in his jail and has stayed close with his stepdad. He has kept connections and has shared love with others. Although I believe jail time is necessary, a sense of understanding peoples’ situations really helps to minimize the bad feelings people often hold towards lifers. We need to assess situations before we pass judgements and always be aware that to many behaviors, there are always deeper layers that reveal the truth. Once we are able to peel back those layers, things will start to become much more clear to us and that’s the least we can do for people. Fri, 1 Apr 2011 21:48:45 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/24/b-s-response/#IDComment139205399 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/20/frost-bitten/#IDComment137343406 Its really hard for me to sympathize with someone who has committed murder. I feel like such an act is unforgivable but then again I have never been in a situation such as this. But since I have been in this class I have gained a different perspective of lifers in prison. People can reform and make decisions to become closer to God and have a new direction in life. However, this poem is very disheartening. I can feel the anger and sense the lack of compassion the prisoner is experiencing. Its dark and mysterious and leads me back to my original feelings i held toward murders. I guess there is always time for him to be able to gain a realization that the world is brighter than he is currently seeing it as. It is hard for me to imagine having a truly cold heart, one in which hatred radiates and love is nonexistent. I think to say that you hate someone is one of the worst things a person can say. The words "I hate you" have such strong meaning and provide no room for interpretation. They are straight forward and to the point, and unless truly meant, should never be used. To have a cold heart means that you are closed to the idea of letting people in your life who can help you make it better. You don’t care about the feelings of others and you have trouble feeling remorse towards the wrong that you have done. The lifer says that he hopes his heart will thaw so that he can feel again. He wants to be able to feel the love of others and open himself up to the kindness of the world. Once he is able to do this he will better be able to reform himself and find the forgiveness he needs in order to forgive himself. He will be able to apologize for the pain he has caused and will finally be able to sympathize with the ones he has hurt. But for now, he waits for that day. Thu, 24 Mar 2011 22:21:02 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/20/frost-bitten/#IDComment137343406 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/18/m-s-story/#IDComment135910891 It comes across as very startling that someone can witness a murder and do nothing at all to help the innocent victim. I know if i was the one in that situation I would be horrified and upset, but I would not be able to just hang out while murder is taking place. I know I would react and try my best to do something to help. However, this letter really helps give insight into the workings of the prison system and helps make a strong case for the effects it has on the lifers. It seems that he has really taken the time to understand he has done wrong and in a way he has come into himself. He feels remorse and disgust toward himself for taking place in an evil act that has affected numerous lives. I think its good that he wants to redirect his life even though he has become a lifer. It shows that people are essentially good but at times ignorant to the happenings of life. I think its a good thing that he has come to love himself because after all what do we have to live for if we do not love ourselves? Loving others starts with loving ourselves, and for him at 14, he was lost and confused and did not love himself. He did not have a direction in life and it seems as though that made him compassionless at a time when compassion was needed most. It would be extremely hard to have to write about this situation and he says that it is extremely difficult and upsetting for him to do, but I appreciate it. This letter could possibly speak to people who are contemplating similar situations and steer them away from such horrific acts. You can really see the pain he is dealing with in his letter but the fact that he is trying to reform himself is comforting. Fri, 18 Mar 2011 21:11:50 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/18/m-s-story/#IDComment135910891 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/01/lighting-our-way/#IDComment134299885 I think that it would be extremely difficult for me to live in a place that is for the most part dark in the winter. The effects of the sun are so beneficial that to be without it, i think i would go out of my mind. The sun helps people feel better about themselves. It makes people more appreciative of the life they are living. After a few days of poor weather, the sun shining can completely lift a person from depression and anxiety to a state of happiness. Vitamin D is also a very vital part of living healthy life. Without vitamin d, which comes from the sun, people would be at a deficiency that could lead to medical problems. Seasonal depression, which even in our area effect people, would be considerably worse for me as well. in the winter seasons, I experience a greater sense of anxiety and stress because I fell cooped up and isolated. I love to be outside, soaking up the sun, laughing and having a good time with my friends. I love laying out and tanning, and feeling the warmth from the sun as it glistens on my skin. Without the sun, I would not be able to experience these feelings that I so often yearn for. Im generally a happier person in the warmer, brighter months, so I feel that if I lived in Helsinki, I would definitely be affected negatively from their weather patterns. The sun also is responsible for the growth of so many life forms. What would our Earth be without plants and trees and vegetation? I cant imagine that Helsinki is able to grow many plants during their winter season which must be hard to keep the country pretty and endearing. Overall, I definitely am happy with the life I live and in the place I live it. I would have a very difficult time adjusting to a dark and dreary atmosphere such as Helsinki. Fri, 11 Mar 2011 22:27:58 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/01/lighting-our-way/#IDComment134299885 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/24/fear/#IDComment130714760 I definitely can relate to this viewpoint on fear. I too on occasion live my life by fear. I am constantly worried about how I will appear in other peoples minds. I don't want to be looked down upon or negated for something that I see as normal. I often have a fear of the unknown; i don't know what to anticipate in different situations and i think that is one of the hardest fears to cope with. Its the fear of failing in someone you loves eyes or not standing up to their expectations. Its the fear of thinking the worst in situations when in reality with a little communication, that fear turns out to be insignificant. I think fear keeps us going in life. It keeps us on the edge, ready to react to whatever life throws at us. It makes us appreciative of the good in our lives and helps us realize what we have to live for. Fear negates actions taken for granted. It gives us the recognition that what we are here for in this world needs to be worked at, and thought about, and fought over. We cant have everything come easy to us because if it did then we would never be truly satisfied. With the fear of failing, comes the elation of succeeding and making strides in life. It creates a self-satisfaction that cannot be taken away from us ever. Sociologically speaking, the little strings that cause our fear also direct our actions according to the fear that we face. It makes us choose between right and wrong, good and evil. It allows us to assess the situation we are entering with arms wide open and choose to the best of our ability the journey we wish to embark on. Although fear will never truly leave us, it is one of those things that although on the outside it may appear evil, it in reality drives our action toward better decisions. Fri, 25 Feb 2011 23:32:21 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/24/fear/#IDComment130714760 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/15/social-structure-shapes-free-will/#IDComment128843782 Although I am aware of the existence of polygamy, it is such a far-fetched idea that it is hard for me to wrap my head around the concept. I believe we are put on this world to share our love with one partner, we can’t possibly have the same feelings of love towards more than one man or woman, let alone 3. The video talks about “polyandry,” similar to polygamy yet it is the woman who has more than one spouse. One of the reasons behind the practice is that it “preserves the farm and the family’s future.” There is very little farmland there and if they had more land owners then there would not be enough food to go around. Although this may be true, I believe this practice is somewhat inhuman. It is against our nature and natural born instinct to love and be loved, on the other hand, to this society it is completely normal. The sociological strings that are surrounding them cause them to believe that since it is better for their welfare, it is a respected act. They probably are not making this decision as freely as they believe they are. Another reason that they engage in polyandry is as a form of birth control because the women can only get pregnant so many times. They figure that if they have several husbands it will help to reduce the population of the country and therefore help with their food shortage. But I believe they could do this in other ways. They could implement the same type of law that exists in China that limits the number of children each family is permitted to have. There are other ways they could help their society without having to engage in polyandry. But since their sociological factors are different then ours, it is hard to directly blame or ridicule them for their acts, which are in reality not very free. Overall, I believe that although it is wrong, they have invisible strings behind their actions and until those change, their society will continue to believe their love lives are acceptable. Fri, 18 Feb 2011 16:42:36 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/15/social-structure-shapes-free-will/#IDComment128843782 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/09/4092/#IDComment127426459 This letter from the inmate really struck me as surprising. Sometimes we don’t truly realize just how much our personal decisions affect the well being of others. Whether our act is minute or large-scale, the effects can reverberate farther than we can imagine. I think it is very interesting that the prisoner was able to forget all of the negative side effects that have plagued his life due to his selfish act and has now selflessly been able to reflect on the lives he has affected. He has been able to find the support of God through all of this madness and can look to him for guidance and understanding. He has come to realize that even with the scrutiny he faces from society, God will always be there for him to turn to and find some realm of acceptance. In a way, he has become numb to his previous life. He no longer can feel the love of his family and friends. He no longer can find hope in what’s to come next in his life. His networks of friends have become destroyed. The only thing he has is the memories of his drunken act that killed a nineteen year old kid named Kevin. Without God, he would have a much harder time internalizing the situation he is facing. To him, it doesn’t matter what people think of him. He knows he has wronged Kevin and Kevin’s family and friends and society as a whole. He understands that he is seen as a “worthless” criminal with no direction in his life. But he has been able to find a purpose and has worked toward reconciliation. This is very inspirational to me. I don’t think that I would be able to have as much courage as he has been able to gain. I would have a very hard time accepting the fact that I am looked down upon and amongst the lowest in society. I would hope that I would be able to look myself in the mirror and find a way to do better. Fri, 11 Feb 2011 23:08:17 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/09/4092/#IDComment127426459 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/30/the-other-side-of-life/#IDComment125791121 Forgiveness is something we often take for granted. It’s something that, within only a matter of seconds, can change a person’s life forever. Forgiveness comes when the person is ready to open up and face the problem that stands before them, no matter how big or small it may be. They have reached the point that allows them to look inward and see the wrong that has been done to them and can selflessly help alleviate the remorse felt by the wrongdoer. As the letter from the inmate points out, it takes a truly sorry person to be forgiven. Its takes sincerity, guilt, humility, love, and bravery to be truly sorry for what one has done. One of the hardest things a family has to deal with in life is death of a loved one. What worse way to go through life knowing that somebody murdered someone you loved and cared about so deeply, knowing that they could still be laughing and carrying on their life right beside you if it hadn’t been for the selfish act of their murderer? This thought gives me chills. It makes me thankful for every day I have with my family, friends, and loved ones. It makes me wonder whether or not I would be able to find forgiveness in my heart to accept an apology for a deed so life shattering. I’d like to think that I would be able to, but when it comes down to it, I think I would truly struggle with this task. I wouldn’t be able to hear them out for what they had to say. I wouldn’t be able to accept the fact that the person I love is gone forever. And yes, as selfish as this may sound, I would think that they would deserve to suffer the guilt. I know this isn’t a very sociological way to think, and I know that the murderer is influenced by many “strings” in society that may have lead him/her to act in the way that he/she has, but to me that’s not a good enough explanation. But then again, I haven’t (thank God) been in this situation, and I don’t know how it would truly affect me. Maybe I would be able to forgive them? Maybe the thing I wouldn’t be able to do is learn to accept the situation and move on? Thu, 3 Feb 2011 23:59:47 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/30/the-other-side-of-life/#IDComment125791121 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/15/what-does-it-mean-to-be-free/#IDComment124363326 I think the Counting Crows put it well when they said, “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you got till its gone.” This lyric stands true in almost every day-to-day experience. It’s the little things in life that are constantly being taken for granted, but to some people are the only things they have left to live for. As the letter by the inmate portrays, our most basic freedoms in life stand to be our most valuable freedoms. I personally do not go through my day with the mindset that talking on my cell phone, using the internet, brushing my hair, eating in class, and sleeping in my bed are freedoms. I take them for granted. I go through life unappreciative of the things that I have been blest to have and the people that I have been blest to interact with. But this inmate would do anything to be able to gain these most basic freedoms back. I never have really thought deeply about what goes on in prison or how the experience affects people emotionally and cognitively. It appears that the situations “lifers” have to deal lack any sort of individuality and room to be free. The only freedom essentially they are given, as stated by the lifer, is to think and expand the power of the mind. But how many of us actually have that freedom? How many of us can sit for hours, upon days, upon months, upon years and actually contemplate life and discover who we really are? I would say very few of us have that most basic freedom, the freedom of self-contemplation. We have too much going on in our loves from day to day to take time out and really discover the person we want to be. As the lifer has said, he is freer than he has ever been, and as much as we may want to dispute the fact that he is on the surface completely restricted in the lifestyle he leads, he is virtually freer than us. This idea is so hard to wrap our minds around, because really we wont realize how un-free we are until our most basic freedoms get taken away from us. Fri, 28 Jan 2011 16:45:13 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/15/what-does-it-mean-to-be-free/#IDComment124363326 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2010/04/21/letter-from-an-inmate/#IDComment122569348 I think this letter is truly inspiring and eye opening. I definitely have lived a sheltered life to say the least. I fortunately have not personally known people who have committed large scale crimes that have landed them in prison. I have not been put in the situation in which my life has been at risk. For me, the only aspect of prison that I have seen is though the media. The media however does not give these “lifers” any sense of compassion or reconciliation. They are virtually viewed as careless, dangerous, heartless people that should be locked up and ignored until they have suffered and died on behave of their decisions. In reading this letter, I have realized that these people are not too far from who we are. They have feelings, they have emotions, they have a desire to reach out for the needs of others. Yes, they have committed grave, serious crimes, but who’s to say they cant have a second chance at gaining respect. People change. They grow, adapt, and learn to accept their situations and make the best of them. For us to believe that they cannot have a change of heart, makes us condemning, heartless people as well. Sure, lifers are intimidating people; they are people who have messed up big at least once in their life. They’ve made mistakes, we all make mistakes, but they have to be faced with the fact that their mistake is completely life altering. In realizing that they have no scape-goat anymore, they accept the fact that they’re futures are merely a reflection of bleak solitude, and they strive to bring a feeling of togetherness back to their lives. I am not saying that I forgive these people for what they have done, but in reading this letter I have gained a sense of encouragement for who they wish to become. I realize that everyone makes mistakes and it is how they deal with them that matters. Thu, 20 Jan 2011 19:12:19 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2010/04/21/letter-from-an-inmate/#IDComment122569348 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/10/last-name-%e2%80%9cb%e2%80%9d-%e2%80%93-intense-debate/#IDComment122312960 soc 001 Wed, 19 Jan 2011 16:02:28 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/10/last-name-%e2%80%9cb%e2%80%9d-%e2%80%93-intense-debate/#IDComment122312960