en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/619713 Comments by rogerfung http://becomeoneflesh.com/robert-rambles-about-a-spouses-lack-of-desire.html#IDComment28913210 Today, my sexual desires are either satisfied by myself, or the energy is transmuted to other areas of my life. While she may not be ready or willing to respond to my sexual overtune. I stand ready to respond to hers. (Oh, don't misunderstand me, I still enjoy every moment I have with my wife.) No, I can't say this is a good solution, but it is a workable one. Keep writing Robert! Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:15:27 +0000 http://becomeoneflesh.com/robert-rambles-about-a-spouses-lack-of-desire.html#IDComment28913210 http://becomeoneflesh.com/robert-rambles-about-a-spouses-lack-of-desire.html#IDComment28913093 I was tempted to "throw it in her face." My mind has reasonalized that "if she refuses to "perform her marital duties," then she has already divorced me. I can find my own satisfaction elsewhere..." My heart wanted to play childish games, "you withhold this, then I will withhold that. You disrespect my desires. I will disrespect your desires. Two can play the same game..." I spent much time in contemplation, reading the bible, praying, and waiting... My conclusion is that God is calling me to work on ME, not on her. That doesn't mean I don't communicate with her about my pain and pleasures. What it does mean is that I have come to accept her and her imperfection as is. Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:15:13 +0000 http://becomeoneflesh.com/robert-rambles-about-a-spouses-lack-of-desire.html#IDComment28913093 http://becomeoneflesh.com/robert-rambles-about-a-spouses-lack-of-desire.html#IDComment28913065 Sex is definitely not a lesser part of marriage. Paul dealt with this directly in 1 Cor 7. He was clearly talking about sex. I strongly agree that we need to be "wise," like picking the "best" time. However, there is no "not the best time" exception clause for sex in the marriage. In fact, the "default setting" is to have them. What this sexual problem reveal is a much deeper spiritual issue. We worship and follow our own cultures and personal preferences a whole lot more than biblical teaching. And I will admit I am in the same boat. Robert's call to "ruthlessly" look into ourselves is wise teaching. Thank you, Robert. Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:14:54 +0000 http://becomeoneflesh.com/robert-rambles-about-a-spouses-lack-of-desire.html#IDComment28913065