15 comments posted · 2 followers · following 0

285 weeks ago @ The Toast - "I Bet Anil Asked For ... · 0 replies · +32 points

this talk is, without hyperbole, one of the most inspiring things I've seen in mine adult life and makes me feel strangely optimistic even though I don't intend to ever apply Mallory's experiences to my future plans.

related, Mallory: when are you starting your self-help cult?

286 weeks ago @ The Toast - A Day In The Life Of A... · 0 replies · +30 points

now that you mention it, I'm surprised one doesn't already exist.

can I even call myself "an irresistible, compelling, inescapable and sagacious individual of mysterious and indistinct gender" if I am not possessing of cravats of wrongdoing? and yet, what am I if not?

this afternoon of hunting horrifying glyphs has taken a turn.

286 weeks ago @ The Toast - A Day In The Life Of A... · 10 replies · +153 points

"I’ve got cravats of wrongdoing and I wear them" is something I should say more often, to myself in the mirror, while I adjust my cravats with nefarious intent

330 weeks ago @ The Toast - Let's Talk About Our W... · 0 replies · +9 points

For whatever reason, I seem to be completely capable of dying in my dreams. I die, and then I basically watch the rest of the dream play out like a bored ghost and why can't I just wake up/peace out to the underworld my dream is so boring without me uuugh. Which is to say, my more deadly-feeling nightmares often feel like an eternity of anxiety rather than terror, which is a blessing, or...something.

- I'm driving a car and it's raining but I can't keep my eyes open. Like I can crack them to see every few seconds, but they refuse to stay open, so I can't safely pull over or anything. It's a semi-recurring anxiety dream, and I end up driving for what feels like hours.
- Teddy Kennedy is my friendly neighborhood creep. He creeps on me and offers me Dr. Pepper. No one believes me because it's Teddy Kennedy. One day we are at the same basement-level pool in a rec center or something, and he offers me a Dr. Pepper that is drugged. I spend the rest of the dream groggily running around the rec center trying to avoid Teddy Kennedy but also trying not to alert anyone to the fact that YET AGAIN, Ted Kennedy is trying to kill me
- I'm watching an anthropomorphized wolf have sex with a dead body and because like half the bones are exposed there are a lot more orifices than I'd anticipated (this is an SSRI dream, it's 80% why I don't take SSRIs anymore)

358 weeks ago @ The Toast - Diamonds and Toads · 2 replies · +30 points

"I’m only being honest, she had tried to explain.

No, you’re not; you’re being cruel."

mallory how did you kNOW???

364 weeks ago @ The Toast - Characters From Th... · 2 replies · +23 points

I've taken exactly 0 buzzfeed quizzes about which L Word character I would be, but I strongly suspect that I, like so many others, am always an Alice, never a Bette (in the same way that I am always an Arwen, never an Eowyn no NOT EVEN WHEN I PICK "A CAGE" AS MY WORST FEAR)

Any romantic prospect who speaks a word against Molly is no longer a prospect 2 me, I am 80% kidding

371 weeks ago @ The Toast - Femslash Friday: Carme... · 0 replies · +22 points

Miss Scarlet was definitely my favorite Clue character of the books, but nothing endures as clearly in my mind as Colonel Mustard's inability to go two fake-murders without challenging someone to a duel. I don't know why Past Me thought it was so hilarious. But it was. and is. and I was glad to see some semblance of that duel-thirsty Mustard temper in the 1985 movie.

373 weeks ago @ The Toast - Cocaine Sherlock: The ... · 0 replies · +16 points

ye gods, a DIPPER for cocaine, what else could've been expected from such excess

373 weeks ago @ The Toast - Cocaine Sherlock: The ... · 2 replies · +34 points

is it in poor taste to want to see the Robert Downey Jr. adaptation of this Sherlock?

373 weeks ago @ The Toast - Doctors Diagnose 100% ... · 0 replies · +38 points

damn it Mallory, you can't tell people that EVERYONE has seasonal affective disorder, it'll mess up the curve! what if everyone at work starts saying, "It's the weather, man, the whole seasons thing"? I'll have to come up with a whole new excuse for my mediocrity.

not that that will stop me from saying, "I've got mad SAD," whenever anyone asks how I'm doing. it is my bright star in the vast, dark universe of wintertime.