20 comments posted · 1 followers · following 1

449 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - I Love You, But You Dr... · 0 replies · +1 points

I may or may not have seen the remains of a Thanksgiving turkey fed to a gaggle of hungry chickens this weekend. I chose not to question it, and instead poured myself another drink.

452 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - The Walking Dead Recap... · 4 replies · +3 points

"Last week we were treated to Shane's shower scene, where he let the water run a ridiculous amount of time. If water is so plentiful, why is Racist Redneck so grubby?"

Thank you. Also, if the farm has modern conveniences, why bother sneaking off to pee in the woods, Lori?* RIDDLE ME THAT.

*I maintain that the writers missed a storyline opportunity where Maybe-Pregnant-Lori gets bitten while pissing outside and turns into Maybe-Pregnant-Zombie-Lori, forever doomed to wander the Georgia countryside with her pants around her ankles.

453 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - Tell Us Your Real Ghos... · 2 replies · +3 points

If I were a ghost, I would totally make fart noises at inappropriate times, just to watch the living people try to ignore it/ blame one another.

455 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - Creepy Crawly Story Co... · 1 reply · +9 points

I elbow the boyfriend awake and demand that he inspect the traps. He shuffles around the darkened house and returns to bed, insisting that the traps are empty. The peeping continues. I fly out of bed and begin ransacking the house, turning on all the lights. Boyfriend trails behind, groggily rubbing his eyes. I reach the spare bedroom, and flip on the light. The death dungeon box is sitting in the middle of the floor. Silence. Boyfriend decides to finally grow a pair, and opens the lid to the box. All hell breaks loose. The biggest, nastiest rat I have ever seen is trapped by his tail inside the box. He looks like a loaf of bread covered in mangy fur and bubonic plague. His filthy ears are laid flat against his skull and his eyes are glinting and evil. He is reared up and baring disgusting, yellowed teeth. And he is SCREAMING. Like a human imitating the shower scene from Psycho screaming, at full human volume. Boyfriend scrambles for a 2x4 to put this mother down, while I flee to the safety of the bed. The symphony of cursing, thwacking, and screaming from the next room was epic. Boyfriend had to shower afterwards to deal with the blood spatter.

455 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - Creepy Crawly Story Co... · 2 replies · +1 points

That night, I awake for some unknown reason. I roll over and am starting to drift off to sleep when I hear a tiny *peep*. Is it the battery on the smoke detector is starting to go? Sleep starts to overtake me. Then it happens again.


Then again, a little louder this time.


455 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - Creepy Crawly Story Co... · 3 replies · +1 points

The beastly malfeasance started almost immediately after we moved in. The rats helped themselves to any food not sealed away in the fridge. Tell-tale turds appeared in corners. The little assholes even chewed through Tupperware to get at the dog kibble inside. They would emerge every night and gleefully dance, shit, and piss on our possessions. We set traps all over the house, to no avail.

While investigating the crawlspace under the house, the boyfriend found a wooden box that looked about as old as the house itself. It had holes cut in the sides and contained three rat traps, side by side. We added the rat death dungeon to the mix of existing traps.

455 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - Creepy Crawly Story Co... · 4 replies · +2 points

So, I live in a little hippie town north of San Francisco that is affectionately described as “Mayberry on Acid” by the locals. This particular town is known for its mountain biking trails and for being a favorite haunt of the Grateful Dead back in the day. Many of the homes were built in the 1920’s and 30’s as cheap cottages for San Franciscans looking to escape the city’s summer fog. Our house (a rental) is basically held together by asbestos tiles, single pane windows, faulty wiring, and the spirit of Jerry Garcia. It provides little protection from inclement weather or, say, an ADVANCING TIDE OF VERMIN. The surrounding area is mostly oak forest, which as it turns out, is ideal habitat for rats.

465 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - The Google Game · 1 reply · +7 points

I don't think we really need Google to answer this one.

465 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - The Google Game · 0 replies · +6 points

Here's hoping this works.

466 weeks ago @ Crasstalk - QOTD: Most Memorable M... · 0 replies · +3 points

"I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind."

"Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me, I'm just doing my job here."

"We can't stop here. This is bat country!"