And this thing this purpose he strives for is the only thing that gets him through each day. He goes on to say how difficult this gets as time passes and its harer and harder to find meaning in the days and all he can see ahead is a 'tunnel' that he doesnt get lost in the darkness. This to me shows why he needs this purpose why he needs to take it a day at a time finding a purpose in each one because with out it all that lies ahead is endless time of this existance in prison and looking ahead as he said he doesnt know if he will make it through, die, or find a way to "see in the dark". part 2

While reading this letter I really felt like I was talking with the person who was writing it, and really getting an insight to their way of thinking. This man was given a life sentance at only age 14 at an age when your going through so many changes in your life this teenager was struck with an insane reality, life in prison, and reading this letter and taking a look into this mans thinking 22 years later he has truley accepted and become a product of his environement. He has seemed to accept the fact this is his life, prison life, and that if he wants his life to take any meaning for not anyone else but himself in his own mind, hes saying thats all he has left in this life, his freedom has been taken away but his freedom to feel accomplished in any small way, to take pride in something, to just have some sort of purpose on this life is the only thing he has left. He is saying that this is what keeps him going, keeps him from committing suicide, keeps him from being mentally and emotionally tortured every second of every day. part 1

As i was reading this letter gong along more and more waiting to see where C was taking this letter, most have focused on the mistakes and rehabilitations and the lessons these men have learned from them, giving not reason but insight as to why they committed such a terrible act. This letter struck kind of a different focus, C doesnt focus on his crime or his incarceration for that matter but focuses on what he truly has learned in doing his time. He sees clearly as to how a man should act, treat, and care for a women. He says at one point he was brain washed to have false impressions of what women really want by television and movies, but I dont necessarily think this is true. Like we saw in class with the one movie going into music videos being very male centered to their needs but overall in the media, television, music, movies, we actually see more of how women want to be treated with the elaborate dates, love at first sight, and the storybook endings. I think deep down all men know how women want to be treated, they know how they should be treated, with courtesy and respect. The notion that everything in the media outlet is solely focusing on mens needs isn't entirely true because there are so many movies shows etc. out there that depict the "perfect guy" or the "perfect relationship" and guys see that but choose not always to show that side of them because our media outlets also lead us to believe this isnt "manly" for men to show their emotions, be affectionate, and take care of their woman. This use to be something men were proud of to put a roof over their womans head, lavish her with gifts, show how much he appreciated her but this has somewhere been lost in that men generally dont act like this and dont treat women the way that should.

After reading this the only thing i could think about was that this really isnt something that is heard about or thought about by the majority of us. I dont know the circumstances of this murder or any details besides the fact he was 15 years old when he committed this crime and i cant help to think how he got caught up in this kind of a situation at this young of an age and the fact that he was so young and immature back then what must have gone through his head meeting family members of someone he had killed 25 years later its just mind blowing. Having the courage to face these people and see their pain and hear about the suffering they had to endure and all of that being on your hands, it must have been so difficult i cant even imagine. I know if someone hurt/killed someone i loved theres no way i could keep it together in the same room as them let alone forgive them. That leads me to think that this man is truly sorry for what he has done that he can show remorse to the loved ones of the person that he killed and lead them to in turn to forgive him shows me that he is a changed man who has payed his penance, undrerstands that what he has done was wrong and is moving towards leading a new life even though he is in prison. I understand and agree that people should pay for their actions but theres a point where some people, not all, have hit that turning point in their life where that 15 year old murderer has transformed into a 51 year old man who has had to endure the mental pain of life in prison for the last 36 years and it has changed him to a remorseful individual who in some eyes isnt a threat to society anymore and shouldnt be treated as one. I think the true test of character to a murderer is those individuals who were hurt most by that persons crime, the victims loved ones, and they found it in their heart to forgive him i cant see why others cant as well.

As a 21 or 22 year old he was in a mindset of indestructability all college students and young adults go through and a period of time where these invisible strings that attract us to a lifestyle of partying drinking and frankly doing stupid things that to our peers are looked at as signs of superiority. This letter really shows a man who truley is suffering from his mistakes, paying the full price for his wrongdoings and is owning up to what he has done accepting that he cannot take it back only move forward and look forward and for forgiveness. He has seen that what he has done is wrong and although it cannot be fixed or changed he can only move forward knowing that he has gotten what he feels has deserved and that he has repented and has in his heart he has been forgiven by a higher being. Its not my place to decide whether this mans one split second intoxicated decision should decide the path for the rest of his life but im a firm believer in forgiveness and after reading this letter i believe this man has forgiven himself and believes in the whole big picture of things he will be firgiven too. (part 2)

After reading over this a second and third time and actually looking into the meaning of what he is saying is the lasting effect this one mistake has had on him. It's not that everyone hes ever known and loved or have loved him has turned their back on him its not those feelings that he remembers and stays with him hour after hour day after day, its the memories of or reality of what he was told that happened that "one drunked night" that he made the mistake of his life. The emotions and feelings that he felt on those days going to prison, sitting in court, watching as he lost his family and friends wernt the ones that stuck with him, but those emotions of the people that he affected with his mistake and he has realized that is was in fact a mistake with no justification and what he saw as reasons in his drunkeness were in fact no reasons at all but a cause of the invisible strings that control us to think that maybe yes these are justifiable reasons for taking someones life.