en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/2429716 Comments by lns5125 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/21/if-prison-has-taken-anything-away-from-me/#IDComment145274268 This letter was very emotional for me. It made me reflect on my own personal life, and I cannot imagine not being able to love someone. While I am not currently in a relationship, I can still hope that one day I will meet a man who loves me, and who I can love back equally if not more. It saddens me that this prisoner will never be able to meet and love someone, and to be "protector, companion, friend, lover, confidant, partner, equal in the masculine to all her feminine." It is also very sad that he has to find ways to "fill the empty" and try to ignore the pain and absence of not being able to love another. It's very unfortunate that because of one mistake, his chance for love has been completely ruined. He can never take back what he did, and for that, he will never be able to love someone. It seems as though this prisoner is still struggling with being in prison. In most of the letters that I have read, it seems that most, if not all, of the prisoners have come to terms with what happened and have learned to live with it. Meanwhile, "M" is saying things like "I want to pluck my eyes out so not to see what my life has been reduced to" and "silence is unacceptable; silence of the soul." It is sad that he feels as though his life is worth nothing. I feel like this is a younger prisoner, and with time, he will slowly come to terms with his life and what has happened to him, and he will find peace even if he will never find love. Sat, 23 Apr 2011 02:33:16 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/21/if-prison-has-taken-anything-away-from-me/#IDComment145274268 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/11/lifer/#IDComment143256135 This letter is very relatable in many ways. Labeling is something that affects everyone in one way or another. In high school, there were the "she's a cheerleader so she must be easy", "he's a football player so he's a dumb jock", etc. labels. Many people think that once they graduate high school, then the labeling goes away. However, quite the opposite happens. The labeling now takes on the form of "he's in a frat so he just wants to get with every girl" , "she's in a sorority so she's a 'sorostitute'", etc. It doesn't even go away as an adult. This letter is an example of that. The second that someone is labeled a "lifer", he or she is automatically a bad person and always will be. So many people wouldn't even take two minutes to actually get to know a lifer. Like this lifer says, when we are given these labels, then we start to accept them. The nice guy who joins the frat starts to transform into the jerky frat boy that everyone expects he would be. The shy, quiet girl who joins a sorority starts to become the less shy, more 'outgoing' girl. The life-sentenced prisoner starts to accept the fact that he or she is a bad person, just because of one poor decision. While these may not always be true a hundred percent of the time, it definitely happens. I have seen it happen to people that I know. Why is it that we think we have to label everyone? Labeling is the same thing as bullying. It can hurt people emotionally. Labeling doesn't make the person who is doing it any better than anyone else; it just gives them the label of being a bully. There can be nice sorority girls and nice fraternity boys. There can be "lifers" who are genuinely good people that maybe just made a stupid mistake or were in the wrong place at the wrong time. That is the impression that I have gotten from reading these letters. Labeling someone a "lifer" does not make them a bad person. Sat, 16 Apr 2011 00:10:03 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/11/lifer/#IDComment143256135 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/03/what-a-man-is/#IDComment141094859 This letter was very interesting to me. Normally, when someone describes the characteristics of a man, they use words like strong or fearless. This prisoner uses better words, like "protector" and "lover". As I was reading, it made me think of my own relationships, and if I've ever dated a guy that met these descriptions. It's no secret that most girls ultimately want to end up with a man who can protect her from harm, love her unconditionally, and be completely open with her about everything. I don't think that there are many girls out there who would say, "I don't want my husband or boyfriend to protect me, love me, and be open with me." It's a very rare occurrence when and if that ever happens. Ideally, I would want to end up with someone who can meet all of these qualifications, but I do not think that such a man exists. What "C" has done is describe the perfect man. Every girl wants to believe that somewhere out there, there is a "perfect" man waiting for them. While there may be someone who is really great for a girl, there's not one person who is completely and 100% perfect. No man can live up to all of these qualifications listed. While "C" wonders why it took him so long to figure it out, I am just impressed that he did at all. A lot of guys get stuck on being the big macho tough guy who doesn't show his feelings or any emotions. There are so many guys that are afraid to open up because it will make them less of a man, but most women want a man who can do this. It makes me sad that so many guys get the impression from television that all women want is sex and money. Sure, there are those few select women out there who are prostitutes and gold diggers, but all women, at least I think, want a man who can come home at the end of the day and be there for them physically, mentally, and emotionally. Many people our age could go on and on about relationships, but I think a lot of us could definitely learn from what "C" is saying. Fri, 8 Apr 2011 21:38:05 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/03/what-a-man-is/#IDComment141094859 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/23/fear-2/#IDComment137619280 This article was probably the most emotional letter from a lifer that I have read so far this semester. It is hard for me to imagine someone growing up with those kinds of issues and in that kind of a family. I only know how i was raised, which was by a loving, caring, supportive family. I cannot imagine my own parents trying to kill me. I cannot imagine being raped by my own father. I cannot imagine my own siblings working against me. No wonder this lifer lived in fear for so many years. If I had to walk around with the constant fear that my parents were trying to kill me with rat poison or other things, I would have gone crazy. The thing that amazes me most about "R." is that he was able to be alright for so long, even with the drugs. If the issue had been going on for almost his whole life, you would think that he very well could have committed suicide in order to stop all of the pain and torture. I have never known anyone who was a victim of childhood abuse, and if I ever have, that person has done a good job of hiding it. I think that whenever children are abused by their parents, they become very good at hiding it for fear that someone will find out and confront their parents, and then their parents would possibly try to kill them. I have heard so many horror stories from magazine articles and news stories about children being abused by their parents, and I cannot imagine how someone could ever do that to their own child. Why would you want to hurt something that you brought into this world? What shocks me even more is how many adults get away with this. In many of the stories I have heard about or read about, the victim would not tell anyone what was going on when it was going on. Many of them wait until years later whenever they just snap, like this prisoner, and do something bad. Out of all the bad things that happened to "R.", I think that it's incredible that he has been able to find God. Although he used violence to solve his problems and he will be in jail for the remainder of his life, I think that he has become a stronger person from going through this traumatic experience. Sat, 26 Mar 2011 02:34:08 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/23/fear-2/#IDComment137619280 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/18/m-s-story/#IDComment135947921 This letter was very interesting to me. I thought that it was interesting when he said that he "is an inmate who lives with murderers, rapists, and thieves." To me, this means that he does not consider himself any of the following, however when he talks about his story it seems like he sort of considers himself to be a murderer. When I think about his story and the night that everything happened, I'd like to think that I would've done everything differently. I like to think that I would have called the police and tried to save that man's life. However, at the age of fourteen, I think that it would be a totally different story. Had I been placed in that same situation at the same age as M., I think that I probably would've done the same thing he did. I would have been too scared that I was next if I tried anything to stop what was happening. I do not think that it is completely fair that he now has to serve life in prison, but he was part of the crime so it is something that he will always have to live with. One poor decision changed M.'s entire life. In all of these letters, it appears that the common theme is this: the prisoners have learned from their mistakes and become better people, but they advise others not to take everyday freedoms for granted. In this letter, he says that he has dreams of becoming a husband and father. That is something that he will never get to experience, because he has to spend life in prison for a murder that he didn't even commit. Every week, I tend to lean more toward reading the letters from the inmates, because I always learn something. Each week, I think about the freedoms that I take for granted and try to appreciate them more, because in the blink of an eye, they could be gone. One poor decision or one fraction of a second can change your life forever. Sat, 19 Mar 2011 01:01:06 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/18/m-s-story/#IDComment135947921 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/07/freedom/#IDComment134350436 Freedom is something that we all take for granted, whether we know it or not. Simple luxuries that bring us joy such as driving a car or going to the movies don't even cross our minds as "freedoms" because we are so used to having them all the time. Having these every day freedoms are what we are used to as a society. In this letter, this prisoner focuses on the freedoms that he still has, even though he is a lifer. He focuses on the more important things, such as helping others out as much as he is able to. While freedom is technically defined as "the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint", I think that this prisoner does a much better job defining freedom. He recognizes that he is confined, but within his confinement, he has found freedoms that can bring him joy. He cannot see his family every day, but he can still see them. He cannot pick up and go as he pleases and spend time wherever he wants, but he can spend his days tutoring and helping others. He has discovered that freedom does not necessarily involve material possessions, but rather, freedom is what you make it to be. He still makes choices everyday, which means that he still has freedom. In the paragraph where he states that "freedom is not where you live, it is how you live", I think that he really emphasizes his point that freedom is what you make it. If, being a lifer, you consider yourself to have no freedoms, then you don't have freedom. If, being a lifer, you find ways to still be free within confinement, then you have freedom. I think that freedom really is an ambiguous term used in legal documents like the Declaration of Independence to define our freedom, but the true definition is different for everyone. Sat, 12 Mar 2011 03:19:54 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/07/freedom/#IDComment134350436 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/13/the-other-side/#IDComment128903043 The Other Side caught my attention from the very first statement: "The other side is that most men and women who have taken a life, do truly regret what they have done. Many are remorseful, and find it hard to face themselves, and come to terms with the shame and disgrace of it all." When many people think of prisoners, they think of bad people who don't care about what they've done and how they have hurt others. When I read this statement, I thought quite the opposite. This prisoner is clearly very regretful of what he did at such a young age. Taking a life at only fifteen years old is hard for me to fathom. I can't imagine how he felt when he actually realized what he had done. He probably couldn't have fathomed it either, until he was sentenced to life in prison. It seems as though when he was sentenced and first went to jail, he didn't really see how badly he hurt an entire family by making one mistake. He didn't realize the bigger picture and the consequences of his actions. When given the opportunity to speak to the victim's family, I think that it helped him get out his apologies, while it helped the victim's family to be healed by hearing his apology. He has taken time to look inside of himself and figure everything out - why he murdered an innocent person, why he regrets doing so, why he needs to apologize to the family, why he needs to reconcile with himself and change for the better. I think the thing that intrigued me most about this article, however, was the title: "The Other Side." It is like a coin, which has two sides, heads and tails. The side that the public sees is a 15-year-old boy who murdered someone and is spending the rest of his life in jail as he rightfully should, while the side that the reader of this letter sees is a 51-year-old man who made a big mistake at a young age, is paying the consequences of his actions, and is growing and learning from his mistake. Fri, 18 Feb 2011 20:43:02 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/13/the-other-side/#IDComment128903043 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/09/4092/#IDComment127228481 "Remember" had me feeling several different emotions, but the one that stood out the most was sympathy. While most people say we should be sympathetic to prisoners because "they are getting what they deserve," I can't help but feel sorry for this man. I understand that he broke the law and he must suffer the consequences, what made me feel sorry for him was when he named all of the big things that used to be a part of his life that now he cannot remember. Not remembering when the last time was that he heard from his wife or anyone in his family other than his mom. In my opinion, when you are going through a difficult time, family and friends are the support systems that help you get through those tough times. Having everyone just walk out on you for messing up would have to be awful. What is even worse than the things that he doesn't remember is the things that he does remember; the things that caused so much pain for so many people. The day that he decided to drink and drive and ended up killing someone will be etched in his brain forever. I think that the saddest part of this letter is the fact that he says, "I can remember that to society, I've gotten what I deserve, and am worthless." For this prisoner, it is unfortunate that he has the same sentence as someone who planned and went through with a murder. He did not plan to kill someone as a result of driving drunk. I highly doubt he sat down, planned it out, and said, "I think I'm going to go drink and then drive around and kill someone." However, there is nothing he can do to change what he did. While he may never talk to his wife, childhood friends, or most of his family ever again and while he think that he is worthless, I think he has come to terms with everything. In his mind, he knows that God has forgiven him. He should not feel worthless, because I think that if he can recognize that God has forgiven him, then he is not worthless. Fri, 11 Feb 2011 00:40:22 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/09/4092/#IDComment127228481 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/24/life-without-parole-001-blog/#IDComment123920198 How can anyone really be sure of his or her moral compass? Our moral compasses are shaped by the environments we live in, the experiences we go through, and the people that surround us. As we grow up and go through both difficult and memorable experiences, we develop our own sense of right and wrong. However, we base our sense of right and wrong largely off of social influences. Things that our peers do and say influence things that we do and say, especially when it comes to morals. If everyone around you thinks that something is wrong or right, chances are that you are going to think that it is wrong or right as well. The experiences you go through in adolescence and teenage years are the most impacting experiences for determining your morals and where you stand. Being sentenced to life in prison at age 14, this man was deprived of many important years and experiences in shaping those morals. For this man, I think that it took a very difficult and life-changing experience for him to figure out his moral compass. While his sense of right and wrong may have been altered when he was young, I think that he has really evaluated his life since his sentence. I know that I sometimes question whether or not my sense of right and wrong is "right", but the fact that this man has been able to look inside himself so deeply and come up with a code to live by shows that just because someone is a convict doesn't mean that they can't change. I think that he has spent a lot of time contemplating how he would do things differently if he had the chance, if he wasn't going to spend the rest of his life in prison. When he talked about prison not teaching any lessons, I think that he said some pretty powerful things. Although this prisoner will never have the many experiences that most 36-year-olds have, I think that he has learned more about himself than most of those 36-year-olds ever will. Wed, 26 Jan 2011 16:35:15 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/24/life-without-parole-001-blog/#IDComment123920198 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/15/blog-1-freedom-and-toddlers-in-tiaras/#IDComment122908058 No child in their younger years has the option to freely choose what they do or do not participate in. I think that parents guide their children into activities that they think their children will enjoy. While there are some parents who try to live vicariously through their children, I think that most just have the intention of getting their child involved. Most children are guided into different sports. In my family, it was soccer for my brother, and gymnastics for me. I was only three, and I did not have the choice to join. My mom chose gymnastics for me because she thought that I would enjoy it. As I got older, my mother always told me that if I ever wanted to quit, it was completely up to me. If she would've guided me toward pageants, it would've been the same way. When I was young, she would have probably done what everyone else did and dress me up in ridiculous costumes, but if at any point I didn't like something, she would have listened. To me, pageants are just an alternative to putting a child into something like gymnastics, dance, or cheerleading. I really do not see anything wrong with mothers putting their daughters in pageants. Yes, there are three year olds wearing more make up than a teenage girl, but I do not see the problem with that. Little girls who are in competition cheerleading wear just as much make up, if not more. While they don't really have a choice in wearing make up, it is what is accepted now in society. It is socially acceptable to let your four year old daughter wear make up and wear skimpy clothes while they perform either on stage at a pageant or the competition floor for cheerleading. While I do think that teens and young adult girls have more freedom to choose to participate in pageants, I do think that it is still based on each family. Some children have more freedom to choose what they want to do at age five; others do not have freedom to make choices until they are ten years old. As far as costumes go, I do understand how the cone bra Madonna costume could be offensive to some people. The two year old, Mia, had no choice in her costume, but she doesn't even know what the big deal is. She was just wearing a costume and having fun on stage. I watch the show, and there was no indication of her mother forcing her or pushing her in any way. I think the media blew this issue way out of proportion and made it bigger than it actually was. There are bigger and more important issues to be talking about than what little girls wear in pageants. Sat, 22 Jan 2011 03:21:51 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/15/blog-1-freedom-and-toddlers-in-tiaras/#IDComment122908058 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/10/last-name-%e2%80%9cs%e2%80%9d-%e2%80%93-intense-debate/#IDComment122617537 soc 001 Fri, 21 Jan 2011 00:03:51 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/10/last-name-%e2%80%9cs%e2%80%9d-%e2%80%93-intense-debate/#IDComment122617537