I just remembered that I had a dream last night where I came to the offices of The Toast and waited a long time to meet Nicole and she was kind of an asshole corporate businesslady (sorry, Nicole, I swear it's only my subconscious that blames you for shutting the website down apparently???) and then Mallory came passing through and was this lovely waiflike joyful angel (kind of like Elfine in Cold Comfort Farm), and I wept with joy at getting to hug her, even though I was really pretty aggressive about demanding a hug and in retrospect my waking self recognizes that as a real dick move, and then I met Obama except also he had a son and I didn't like the son very much but Obama basically has to shake your hand if he meets you on the street because what if a camera saw? so I got to do that but it wasn't as exciting as Mallory

So anyway I guess I'll miss this place and miss you all. Very soon I'll be back home for vacation and I'm planning on rereading the whole archives to this place. My mother will be there, and The Toast has turned into a strange and delightful feature of our relationship. This was the first place I thought to come tell when I kissed another woman for the first time. It's been a place I can always come to feel clear, simple belonging in a way that's so unostentatious you forget how rare it can be. I'll carry that with me when I get my misandry mermaid tote, which shall never leave my side.

To all of you: a willing foe, and sea room.

I am very pro poetry and this was particularly validating. Also The L-word is so gratifying and also so fucked up. In so many ways. Thank you! I really appreciate it.

Isn't it fantastic? Isn't it thrilling? I'm so delighted for you, too. I've been careening around bullying people into being adequately excited. Not that any of my friends are less than supportive, I just want them to be EXPLODING WITH EXCITEMENT because I am.

Said events may have been set in motion during a screening of Carol.... This is an excellent list; thank you.

(oops, sorry for the double post)

I've been waiting for this open thread all week because this week, my friends, this week I kissed my first woman.

This being-queer thing is new to me. I've been floating on a cloud of discovery all week and returning to all of my favorite queer media while giving myself full permission to read it and think "yes, that is me." It's incredible.

What's especially striking to me is that it is so much easier to like myself when I am with women. That held up this time, too: it was easy--I was charming--I didn't feel like I was struggling to squeeze my personality into the mold that someone's projections of his straight masculinity had left for me to fit into. And what a pretty lady she was.....

I haven't really experienced any of this as a "coming-out" experience, though, to be honest, the warning signs have been there an awfully long time. Mostly I just want everyone else to be as excited for me as I am.

I feel like there's so much catching up to do! What queer touchstones have I missed out on in my 20-odd years of being straight? I've watched the L Word, I've read some queer theory, I've listened to Ani DiFranco, I've browsed Autostraddle. What's next? Guide me! Welcome me! Come pay it forward to a baby queer!

I've been waiting for this open thread all week because this week, my friends, this week I kissed my first woman.

This being-queer thing is new to me. I've been floating on a cloud of discovery all week and returning to all of my favorite queer media while giving myself full permission to read it and think "yes, that is me." It's incredible.

What's especially striking to me is that it is so much easier to like myself when I am with women. That held up this time, too: it was easy--I was charming--I didn't feel like I was struggling to squeeze my personality into the mold that someone's projections of his straight masculinity had left for me to fit into. And what a pretty lady she was.....

I haven't really experienced any of this as a "coming-out" experience, though, to be honest, the warning signs have been there an awfully long time. Mostly I just want everyone else to be as excited for me as I am.

I feel like there's so much catching up to do! What queer touchstones have I missed out on in my 22 years of being straight? I've watched the L Word, I've read some queer theory, I've listened to Ani DiFranco, I've browsed Autostraddle. What's next? Guide me! Welcome me! Come pay it forward to a baby queer!