en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/561557 Comments by kabrathw http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/10/25/reality-versus-education-revision/#IDComment40794617 The only thing I can say I didn't like (not that it matters) was the last few sentences. I think it's good to connect the paper to this class but the "intelligent participation" part seems judgemental to me. How would you define intelligent participation (contact zones would not allow students to feel like they were not intelligent)? I think my reaction would've been different if you had omitted intelligent. However, I'm not as bold with my writing and I think that made the difference for me. Good job!! Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:37:57 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/10/25/reality-versus-education-revision/#IDComment40794617 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/10/25/reality-versus-education-revision/#IDComment40794594 I think you used quotes effectively throughout the paper, especially when talking about the values society says it has. I was actually sorry to hear that you were disappointed when entering the classroom but then relieved as I continued to read and learned you "...broke free of the chains that bound you to that false reality." That paragraph was compelling to me. I had a strong appeal and I felt drawn in. It was simply stated and powerful at the same time. Overall, I think you did a fantastic job. Your paper brought out a lot of feelings from me. I was upset when you got an F, disappointed wehn you walked into the classroom, and liberated when you developed a different view about the purpose of education. Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:37:42 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/10/25/reality-versus-education-revision/#IDComment40794594 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/10/25/reality-versus-education-revision/#IDComment40794538 Well Nikki, you did a nice job with this revision. You were able to maintain/stick with the thoughts and ideas in the original version but you gave it more appeal. I think you did a better job explaining "The Allegory of the Cave" and connecting it with "Arts of the Contact Zones." Especially when comparing the prisoners with students today. Your example from high school shows how standing out in the educational system can be mistaken for rebellion and is punished instead of encouraged. It's sad that students have to sometimes inhibit themselves to advance and suffer consequences that can be detrimental (especially in your case) when they decide to release their inhibitions. At the end of that paragraph you said you remembered the reason you decided to express your opposing opinions in your final paper. I'd like to know what that reason was. Was it because you were tired of mimicing your teachers' opinions or because you felt expressing your true opinion was an opportunity to learn more effectively? Perhaps it was both or something else. Tue, 27 Oct 2009 03:37:06 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/10/25/reality-versus-education-revision/#IDComment40794538 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/10/12/assignment-4-reality-versus-education/#IDComment39322422 Hi Nikki! I really enjoyed reading your paper. It was refreshing and well written. I like your examples in the beginning and I think you did well relating them to the assignment. I think you should include a little more info about the contact zone but other than that, I don't have much to say. Great job! Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:10:57 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/10/12/assignment-4-reality-versus-education/#IDComment39322422 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/09/13/feminist-poetry-admirations-and-thoughts-on-who-are-the-real-victims/#IDComment35103752 When you talk about “Planetarium,” I think you should explain what you meant by, “the battle of love versus egoism.” I like how you relate Caroline to Rich and her writings. I did not think of it that way. Thanks for the insight. Towards the end of your paper, you describe Rich’s story to be pointless and that angry tone becomes a bit offensive. For example, say you don’t like the way you’re being treated by someone and you decide to talk to them about it and the issue is resolved. For you, this may be a major accomplishment and it would be rude for me to tell you your feelings were not real and they are still treating you the same. I’m not saying you should change your approach or style of writing because I like it and it’s unique. Perhaps you should soften it a bit. I think you did a good job on your paper and it brought out a lot of emotion from me as I read it (I appreciate that). You did a great job connecting your introduction to the conclusion and I enjoyed reading it. Also, I think we have to cite properly when using quotes. Well done!!! Sat, 19 Sep 2009 18:36:12 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/09/13/feminist-poetry-admirations-and-thoughts-on-who-are-the-real-victims/#IDComment35103752 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/09/13/feminist-poetry-admirations-and-thoughts-on-who-are-the-real-victims/#IDComment35102118 Hi Nikki!! I read your paper and I find your view to be interesting. Right from the beginning I get that you are angry with Rich’s views and opinions. I don’t know much about the feminists’ movement but I don’t think they wanted to be pacified to or receive better treatment because they’re women. I also think it’s important to remember the time in which some of the poems were written. I agree that businesses should not have to hire females over males or blacks over whites if they are not qualified. I do however, recognize that sometimes they are not hired for the same reason, so that’s not equal opportunity either. As I read your paper, I see that you understand the reading and you interpret it well. At the end of the second paragraph you quote, “…that female fatigue of suppressed anger and loss of contact from my own being; partly from the discontinuity of female life with its attention to small chores, errands, work that others constantly undo, small children’s constant needs”. I would like to know what you think this quote is saying; what’s your interpretation? Sat, 19 Sep 2009 18:08:50 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/nikki/blog/2009/09/13/feminist-poetry-admirations-and-thoughts-on-who-are-the-real-victims/#IDComment35102118 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/07/26/smile-for-the-camera/#IDComment28799546 You allow the reader to relate to Hirsch's theory but you also capture the emotion of Said's writing. It was nice to see you give your opinion about each writing and how authentic you felt they were. I did not think about that myself. I think you did a good job overall and I would be surprised if you didn't get an A in this course. I did get a little confused by the pictures at the end. Maybe you should talk about Mohr's pic a little more. Your essay is clear, to the point, and easy to read. Also, I think you should try to incorporate a little more from your source other than the book (unless you've already met your research requirement). Thu, 30 Jul 2009 06:33:28 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/07/26/smile-for-the-camera/#IDComment28799546 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/07/26/smile-for-the-camera/#IDComment28799535 Hi Eric! Of course, I've read your essay and I think you did a good job. I am always surprised at how quickly and easily I'm able to read your essays. I like your introduction and how it leads up to the difference between the photos presented in HIrsch's and Said's writings. You set the reader up and it is obvious that you are going to explain those differences. You give a good summary of Said's writing and I think it was nice to include the reason he did not take the pictures himself. I think you effectively compare and contrast Hirsch's theory of postmemory and Saids own memory. Thu, 30 Jul 2009 06:33:13 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/07/26/smile-for-the-camera/#IDComment28799535 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/07/13/can-a-camera-be-misused/#IDComment27734785 Thank you. I forgot to check the citing. Mon, 20 Jul 2009 05:04:13 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/07/13/can-a-camera-be-misused/#IDComment27734785 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/07/13/can-a-camera-be-misused/#IDComment27522551 Thanks for reading my essay. I know that you are not in my group. I will read your essay as well and offer some comments. Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:55:55 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/07/13/can-a-camera-be-misused/#IDComment27522551 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/07/13/can-a-camera-be-misused/#IDComment27522501 Thanks for your input. Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:55:00 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/07/13/can-a-camera-be-misused/#IDComment27522501 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/07/13/can-a-camera-be-misused/#IDComment27522463 Thanks for the help and tips. I did intend to include pics, but I left them out for now. I will put then in the final draft. Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:54:19 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/07/13/can-a-camera-be-misused/#IDComment27522463 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/07/12/photographic-weaponry/#IDComment27399708 I think this approach is similar to Hirsch's when she presented the pictures of the Holocaust. You may have not been there when it happened, but through the media, you are able to connect to the victims and you are loosely involved in a horrific tragedy. I enjoy your style of writing. It's clear, to the point, and your ideas are always expressed fluidly. Your introductions is memorable and is referenced in the conclusion (as usual). I would like to know a little more about what you think Agee was saying by "feeling rage at its [camera] misuse." Thu, 16 Jul 2009 04:06:27 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/07/12/photographic-weaponry/#IDComment27399708 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/07/12/photographic-weaponry/#IDComment27399689 Once again Eric, you've delivered. In this passage, I think you've met all of the requirements of the assignment. You don't just interpret the two paragraphs, you use them to enhance your own ideas and support what you believe Agee meant. Your examples effectively show how pictures can be misinterpreted and also how something as simple as captions can change the meaning. You effectively incorporated images, which made the presentation better. You also connected all of our readings by referring to Hirsch and her theory of projected memory. Your 9/11 example was a great way to relate the readings to current events. That allows the reader to really tap into their emotions. Thu, 16 Jul 2009 04:06:09 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/07/12/photographic-weaponry/#IDComment27399689 http://learning.writing101.net/rabbot/blog/2009/06/28/the-marriage-of-words-and-photographs-2/#IDComment26444347 Hi Stuart. I'd like to start by saying I really like your title (it's simple but creative). I also believe you did a great job meeting the requirements of the assignment. It was very easy to read your paper and your ideas flowed easily from one to the next. You showed how Agee's writing described his interaction with the families in the first part of his writing and then shifted to describing his surroundings in the second part. I also like your approach when criticizing Agee's rambling--you made it clear that he was confusing, but you also provided an explaination for your readers. Your paper was clearly organized and I enjoyed reading it. Mon, 6 Jul 2009 07:07:21 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/rabbot/blog/2009/06/28/the-marriage-of-words-and-photographs-2/#IDComment26444347 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/06/28/whats-a-picture-really-worth/#IDComment26438400 Each time I read your interpretation of a text, I see a different perspective. You are very thorough and you keep the reader interested from beginning to end. I admire your work. The organization is easy to follow and your writing always reads easily (it flows from one section to the next). You also have an impressive conclusion. It includes a witty analogy and it birings everything together. I look forward to reading more of your work. It said my comment was too long so I had to split it up. Kewana Mon, 6 Jul 2009 04:52:38 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/06/28/whats-a-picture-really-worth/#IDComment26438400 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/06/28/whats-a-picture-really-worth/#IDComment26438373 Hi Eric! Before giving feedback, I would like to let you know how much I enjoy reading your writing. You did an excellent job summarizing Agee's and Evan's assignment. You offered the reader a thorough synopsis of the selection. Your placement and selection of quotes helped tie the paper in with your interpretation and ideas about the pics and the text. You describe each section of the text and you keep the reader interested. You have taken a difficult reading selection and made it reader friendly. I think your emotion is more understanding to Agee. Instead of getting frustrated or bored with his in depth descriptions, you were able to figure out his purpose or intention. This is very helpful for someone who as not read the text, but even more helpful for someone who has. Mon, 6 Jul 2009 04:51:59 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/ericsblog/blog/2009/06/28/whats-a-picture-really-worth/#IDComment26438373 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/06/15/so-what-does-that-mean-to-me/#IDComment24996122 Thanks for your input. I will keep that in mind when I revise it. Sun, 21 Jun 2009 15:28:59 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/06/15/so-what-does-that-mean-to-me/#IDComment24996122 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/06/15/so-what-does-that-mean-to-me/#IDComment24599079 Thanks for all of your feedback. It's been a while since I've written and I'm a little rusty. I did have problems pulling my ideas together and I would usually make an outline but this time I didn't. I will change "that" to postmemory and revise my paper to support the title. I would like to know if you will give feedback to the changes I'll make before the final copy is due. If so, when should I have it finished and turned back in to you. Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:47:09 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/06/15/so-what-does-that-mean-to-me/#IDComment24599079 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/06/15/so-what-does-that-mean-to-me/#IDComment24598184 I guess being a mother made that stick out to me. I am interested in knowing your view so I will read your paper. Maybe it will also help me develop my thoughts. Wed, 17 Jun 2009 13:35:06 +0000 http://learning.writing101.net/kabrathw/blog/2009/06/15/so-what-does-that-mean-to-me/#IDComment24598184