en-us https://www.intensedebate.com/users/2390093 Comments by jjh5317 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/21/if-prison-has-taken-anything-away-from-me/#IDComment145228211 It has been made clear through numerous other letters as well as this one that not being able to eat the food you want, not watching the TV shows you like or even only having an hour a day to be outside are all things that one can get used to when forced into a routine for long enough. This is the first letter that makes it very clear that the emptiness created inside by not having the opportunity to love or be loved is something that one can never get used to. It's Friday afternoon right now and I will be attending a party this evening with hundreds of girls and this is something that many people take for granted. This man will never have the opportunity again in his life to have this experience. He has lost something irreplaceable and has all the time in the world to think about how it could have been different. Fri, 22 Apr 2011 22:11:41 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/21/if-prison-has-taken-anything-away-from-me/#IDComment145228211 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/21/if-prison-has-taken-anything-away-from-me/#IDComment145228156 When I first learned that we were going to be reading letters from inmates sentenced to life I thought that they were going to be nothing more than depressing, incoherent rants about how they are innocent or why they shouldn’t be in the situation they are in. After reading only my first letter I quickly realized I was very ignorant and that this was not the case by any means as the letters showed incredible writing, enlightenment and most important, a sense of hope. This is the first letter that I have read that does not fit the mold with the rest of the letters in expressing a positive outlook with a sense of hope. This is a letter that describes heartache and sadness that this man experiences every day. He is looking at what he has lost in coming to prison instead of what he gained like the other letters. He understands that he must fill the void in his life through hobbies, conversation, thought, etc; however he cannot seem to find anything to assuage the anguish and pain he experiences everyday in not having the ability to love or be loved. Love is one thing that can never be replaced no matter how hard you try. Fri, 22 Apr 2011 22:11:27 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/21/if-prison-has-taken-anything-away-from-me/#IDComment145228156 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/03/what-a-man-is/#IDComment141106944 Men are more often depicted as caring only about sexual experiences and treating woman more or less like property, while woman are often shown to care only about money and sex as C stated in his letter. I hope one day that when I find the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with I can fit the mold of what was described in this letter. Caring about her needs, truly listening to what she has to say, protecting her when needed, being able to confide in her no matter what it is and fulfilling her sexual needs. After C depicted what a man should be he said that he had to go to prison to learn that and he was not a man on the outside. I find this very interesting that he needed to go to what most people would say as one of the worst places on the earth to learn how to truly be a great person to a woman. It reinforces my belief that the people we are reading these letters from are not the same people they were when they went to prison. Fri, 8 Apr 2011 22:43:05 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/03/what-a-man-is/#IDComment141106944 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/03/what-a-man-is/#IDComment141106886 I am surprised week after week by the letters these inmates write and share with us and this week is no different. The fact that a man convicted for life with no parole can illustrate exactly what a man should be like to a woman is incredible. Judging from the various different responses on this letter by woman it is clear that his depiction was nothing less than perfect. Every aspect of how a man should treat a woman was covered and with sincerity and thoughtfulness. It is pretty clear that every woman desires a man to treat her this way, much like "prince charming" you hear in fairy tales. This letter depicted a man much more interested in being the best person he can be to his woman, fulfilling all of her needs in a loving and sincere manner while getting in her pants is not his only goal. I think that most people would agree that this picture that was painted is somewhat rare to see in this world especially with the influence of the media and television. Fri, 8 Apr 2011 22:42:44 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/04/03/what-a-man-is/#IDComment141106886 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/24/b-s-response/#IDComment139241948 The first time I read a letter with that idea I understood only to a point. I could grasp the idea that you still have your thoughts, movements, speech, etc; however I could not understand how a man could feel more freedom in prison than in society. This letter helped clarify this idea. This is a man that apparently had been in prison since a very young age. It is not the prison that we think of with the bars, guards and men in orange jumpsuits, but a different kind of confinement. Drugs and an abusive childhood imprisoned this man for most of his life. It was only when he went to prison that he overcame both and became the person he truly wanted to be. He discovered more about himself in an 8 by 8 cubicle than he could on the outside through his painting and playing guitar. He took inspirational people that have done great things and applied that in his own life making it worthwhile. He closed his letter with a thought on suicide and how that is murder in itself. I think it is very clear that this man understands exactly what murder is and the devastating effects it has as he chose to live and remain true to the fact that he is not a murderer. Sat, 2 Apr 2011 00:49:11 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/24/b-s-response/#IDComment139241948 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/24/b-s-response/#IDComment139241924 As I was reading this letter I could sense the frustration built up inside of this man for being accused of being a murder when in reality he has never killed someone. Now it is clear that this man was not innocent in any way as he put himself in a situation to merit a life sentence, however it is also clear that this is not an evil, malicious murder either. I can understand why he took the time to write this letter to explain to us and the public the difference between him and a murderer. Being in prison for life is bad enough, however being accused of taking another's life when you in fact did not is something entirely different. Is he a criminal for having been where he was and the part he played? Yes. Is he a murderer? It appears not. He then went on to discuss the concept of freedom in prison and how he never felt freer. Sat, 2 Apr 2011 00:49:00 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/24/b-s-response/#IDComment139241924 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/20/frost-bitten/#IDComment137603470 It tells nothing of his story or if he is remorseful in regards to what he did so in that aspect I cannot comment, however it is very clear that this man is looking at what he lost and is in no way attempting to make the best life he can for the situation he's in. Other letters we have read show inmates that have redefined freedom and their way of life in order to live. This man clearly has not and until he learns how to do so he will walk the hallways of prison everyday a soulless, emotionless body. He needs to look inward and find out how to live where he is and how to find something that gives him meaning. If not he is doomed to live how his letter describes a cold man with a frost bitten heart. He wonders why he feels so cold and although the obvious answer is where he is and what his life has come to, however I feel that another part of it is because he has done nothing to better his situation in the ways that he can. Sat, 26 Mar 2011 00:40:14 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/20/frost-bitten/#IDComment137603470 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/20/frost-bitten/#IDComment137603439 This poem is something that illustrates the horrors of prison on a day to day basis, especially in the eyes of man sentenced to life without parole. This poem reveals what prison really is coming from someone who walks the yard every day, goes to sleep in an 8 by 8 cubicle and has nothing left to do but think about why he's there every day for the rest of his life. C makes it very clear that he has no life to live, but rather is merely a body going through the motions everyday with no emotion, feeling or anything to look forward to ever. He walks the hallways of prison with people in the exact same circumstances, as he said it with "cold souls". There is no warmth to be had, no joy to look forward to, but instead he is trapped in what he described as Hell itself. He wants nothing more than to actually live a life that offers happiness in any way, rather than a life that he describes as numbing him from all emotion and feeling. This is a letter that is quite different than others that I have read. Sat, 26 Mar 2011 00:40:01 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/20/frost-bitten/#IDComment137603439 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/18/m-s-story/#IDComment137112523 Had he done anything it’s very possible they would have killed him too, and although there is no way in the world to condone him not stopping this horrible murder, I think it’s fair to say that this was a terrified kid in the wrong place with the wrong group of people. After the fact is where I see how he was a coward in not telling the truth and instead following the ways of the other people he was with. M says he is not looking for pity, sympathy, and understanding or in any way trying to teach anyone anything. This may be something some people have a hard time grasping, but as I read this letter I believed him. I believe that he is a good person at heart and feels remorse for what he did that night. I believe that he wrote this letter to answer the question why and not to get sympathy from others. He understands where he is and why he is there and instead of hating everyone and everything he is taking steps to better himself so that maybe one day he can feel what its like to live a normal life. Wed, 23 Mar 2011 23:05:57 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/18/m-s-story/#IDComment137112523 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/18/m-s-story/#IDComment137112506 It is not typical to read something of this quality or sincerity coming from a man convicted of murder and sentenced to life behind bars. This is something really spoke to me in what type of man M really is. It is very clear that M is not looking for sympathy in any way and understands that he has done something that caused him to be where he is, however wants to tell his story to "answer the many readers who asked, WHY". It’s clear that to even think back to that horrible night chills his bones let alone write about it and share it with the public. A young kid that fell in with the wrong group of people and got put in a terrible position that horrible night. Now M says it was him being a coward that night and that may very well be the case, but as I read this letter I could only think of what would be going through my mind as a fourteen year old kid that night. It’s obvious that he had no intention of doing good that night; however I’m not convinced that he was out to take another’s life. As a young boy I can understand the fear that overtook him. Wed, 23 Mar 2011 23:05:50 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/18/m-s-story/#IDComment137112506 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/07/freedom/#IDComment134359700 He makes it a point to be the best person he can be even in prison and defines the amount of freedom he has by what he does every day. To many people on the outside, freedom would never be viewed as the ability to see, hear, move and make simple decisions, however to a man with a life sentence freedom is just that. He still has the ability to get up from bed, brush his teeth, take a shower, talk to his buddy down the hall, and although all these actions are limited to a certain extent, they all make freedom prevalent in his life. This type of outlook on freedom I feel must absolutely be learned. No one appreciates what they have until its gone, much like the prisoners we are reading letters from. They never thought in a million years that they would define freedom as having the option to wear one pair of prison clothes or the other, however after being sentenced to life in prison with no parole its either redefine what freedom really is or go crazy. This is a man that understands that he may be confined but is also free. He has made his own freedom and reinvented his outlook on life. Sat, 12 Mar 2011 04:24:26 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/07/freedom/#IDComment134359700 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/07/freedom/#IDComment134359668 I never realized how many different meanings the word freedom can have. We on the outside see freedom as being able to do whatever we want whenever we want with no one of higher authority telling us we cant. We see it as having the ability to travel freely, eat whatever we want, interact with whoever we want and make our own decisions on a daily basis. Before reading this passage I didn’t understand that freedom could mean anything other than this, however I can now see the many different levels to this word. As a man that has been convicted to life in prison with no possibility of parole, it is completely necessary to redefine this word and mold it to his own life. He sees freedom as how he lives his life everyday and is not at all affected by the walls surrounding him on a daily basis. Sat, 12 Mar 2011 04:24:15 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/03/07/freedom/#IDComment134359668 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/24/fear/#IDComment130678211 He has no way of knowing whether he will ever live anywhere other than an 8 foot cubicle with bars for a door, and judging by his current situation he will never know. That is something people on the outside will never have to fear. People on the outside go about their daily lives everyday living with a basic set of fears (saftey, money, school) that are more or less at the center of their lives. Prisoners must live with many of the basic fears that we live with, however must also live with the fear of being in prison for the rest of their lives and everything that goes with that. It is a fear that I hope to never experience in my lifetime. Fri, 25 Feb 2011 20:33:16 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/24/fear/#IDComment130678211 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/24/fear/#IDComment130678179 It is very clear that fear plays a huge role in the daily lives of each and every one of us, however it also seems clear that the fear an inmate possesses is much greater than any fear someone on the outside lives with. This man hs the same fear that the rest of us have on a daily basis, however he is also burdened with the fear of being a prisoner for life and all the unanswered questions that go with it. Everyday he wakes up and lives with certain fears much like the rest of us, but also has to live with his mistakes and the fear that comes with that. Being in prison forces him to face the reality of his situation and from what he stated in his letter, this is a terrifying thing. Waking up every morning and realizing you have nothing left in the world except for time to think about what you did and how it could have been different. The fear of uncertainty comes into play as he will never know what his future could have been had he not made the choice he made. In my opinion nothing is worse than uncertainty and never having the option to see how things could have been different. This man also stated that he fears never having the keys to the front door. Fri, 25 Feb 2011 20:33:07 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/24/fear/#IDComment130678179 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/16/reflections/#IDComment128949621 He no longer has the burden of asking how this happened, but now only has to ask himself why for the next 50 years. It is clear that he has a great deal of remorse for what happened and if he could go back and change it he would in a second. I feel this is another example of a good person at heart that got wrapped up in a world of women, lying and drugs. I feel very strongly that this is not a malicious man out to kill innocent people, but rather someone who let his circumstances, environment and desires get the best of him. Had he grown up in a wealthy suburban town I am confident he would have grown up to be an entirely different person. The circumstances he grew up in are unfortunate, however it was he who was not strong enough to be someone else and fell victim to everything around him. I feel sorrow for this man's victims and to some degree for him. He has nothing left to do but think for the rest of his life how he could have been different made something of himself. I feel he deserves to spend the rest of his life in jail however it is sad that he was not strong enough to overcome that which was placed in front of him. Fri, 18 Feb 2011 23:35:55 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/16/reflections/#IDComment128949621 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/16/reflections/#IDComment128949592 I was very taken back by the fact that something as minor as sexual promiscuity (when compared to murder) could lead to the worst possible thing you could do as a human being. This letter was written with truth and sincere remorse behind it as this man searched his soul for the reasoning behind the crime he committed. It is very obvious that he grew up in a loving family with a strong support system in his father and although in an unfortunate environment it is clear that many of his friends conquered it and grew up to be successes. As he continued to search coming to each possibility it could have been, whether it was his father, inner city neighborhood, violence, drugs, it lead him to a single conclusion of just how his life went the route it did. Although it is very unfortunate in how he chose to live his life, discovering the reason behind it all must be very liberating. Fri, 18 Feb 2011 23:35:46 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/16/reflections/#IDComment128949592 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/09/4092/#IDComment127466387 After reading this blog entry I felt a sense of mixed emotions in that I feel that this man does not deserve a life sentence on one hand and deserves a second chance, while on the other I feel that he deserves to sit the rest of his born days behind bars for taking another's life. I think it is very clear that this murder was not that of a malicious man determined to take the life of another and cause his family pain for the rest of their lives, but rather a man that took the law into his own hands in defending himself and those he loved. It is clear alcohol was involved and while there is no excuse in the world for taking the life of another, I feel this man is different from others convicted of the same crime. He has lost his entire family with the exception of his mother and has caused more misery in another families life than he could possibly imagine. He no longer has any chances to rejoin society as his appeals have been all denied, forcing him to make a life for himself behind bars. It is clear that he chose to find God in whatever way that may be. He understands why people do not have the capacity to forgive him for what he's done, however knows in his heart that God has forgiven him. I feel that the remorse this man shows and the fact that he took it upon himself to find God and ask for forgiveness really says something about who he is at heart. I think there is a strong possibility that this man would have gone to live a promising life, getting a job, marrying a woman he loved and having children had he not made a horrible, drunken mistake. Unfortunately all that is gone and he will have nothing in life other than what he makes of it on the inside. I am sure he one day hopes to see the outside world again, however if that future is completely lost I am confident he will continue to live the life he has made for himself in connection with God on the inside. Sat, 12 Feb 2011 03:36:21 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/02/09/4092/#IDComment127466387 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/30/the-other-side-of-life/#IDComment126051934 Out of all the previous "Getting Life" letters, I have to say that this is one that impacted my thinking the most. I am shocked that a fifteen year old boy has the capability to take a life of another, however I am even more shocked to hear the remorse he expresses 36 years later. To take the life of another is a mortal sin and the consequences of a life sentence fit perfectly with the crime, however not all people who commit such heinous crimes show remorse and sorrow the way this man did. People are under the assumption that all people who commit a crime so great are pure evil and have no purpose or reason to be on this earth, however I feel that this letter shows exactly the opposite. A life sentence gave this man a lifetime to change who he was as a person into someone that he could look at in the mirror. He understands what he did and how much pain it caused those who loved the victim and made it a point to reach out and show that he had legitimate sorrow. Life behind bars took away that young, stupid fifteen year old kid and replaced him with a dried up old man having to suffer the rest of his life because of what he did. Now this letter as it stated is not intended for us to feel sorry for him in any way, it is written to show that he is a real person behind what everyone thinks. He is sorry not because he's in prison or because we think he should. If he had the chance i'm sure he would find that fifteen year kid inside of him and talk to him and let him know the ways things are and how to be a good person. This inmate made the effort to reach to this family and they had it in them to meet with him in an attempt to face one another. Although I may not be able to face the killer of someone I love, I feel that it speaks volumes about both parties and their attempt to face this situation. Not all inmates experience this type of remorse and I am impacted by this letter in that way. Sat, 5 Feb 2011 02:04:49 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/30/the-other-side-of-life/#IDComment126051934 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/24/life-without-parole-001-blog/#IDComment124457852 He has come up with his own agenda of what constitutes a good person and does his best to follow that every day despite the fact that it is seen as a weakness in prison. Although prison may have skewed his perception to an extent it is still clear that his intentions and heart are in the right place. He strives to have the moral compass of a good person but will unfortunately never know due to where he is and what he is surrounded by.The most interesting part about this man’s circumstance is that no matter how good of a person he strives to be or how much he changes over the years there is no reward of parole. He is in for life and there is nothing he can do about it. I feel that for him to examine his moral compass in so deep a way truly shows something about his character. Like he said, “at the end of the day it is I that must decide whether I have done right or wrong”. He strives to be a good person not because he’s in prison or because we think he should, he does it for himself. Sat, 29 Jan 2011 02:32:08 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/24/life-without-parole-001-blog/#IDComment124457852 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/24/life-without-parole-001-blog/#IDComment124457827 It is very difficult to judge something as abstract and complex as your moral compass. I believe that one's moral compass is shaped greatly by the circumstances and environment around them. Someone spending the rest of their born days behind bars is sure to have their morals and values shaped in a way that free people will never experience. They see and hear things that free people will never come close to. It appears that this is a man that has gone the best possible route he could have gone since his sentence at age 14. It is very clear that he understands why is he is spending his life in prison and is not writing this letter to whine about Pennsylvania's court system or his sentence. This is a man that took a look at what he did and what the rest of his life holds in store for him and made it a point to become a good person, at least in his own eyes. It is obvious from this letter that prison does not teach you a lesson or how to be a good person, it solely teaches you how to be a prisoner and the rest is left up to you. Sat, 29 Jan 2011 02:31:57 +0000 http://www.worldinconversation.org/2011/01/24/life-without-parole-001-blog/#IDComment124457827